When I become angry, I lose internal freedom. When I invest in how the world should change, I become unhappy. If I become preoccupied with how other people might like me or not like me, I lose a peaceful attitude. If my purpose in life is to please everyone and agree with everyone, I lose my sense of balance. If I spend time judging and condemning other people for what they do or say, I run away from a peaceful life.
Internal freedom originates from a conscious decision to be loving toward everyone. People may see things differently than I do. So what! I don't have to change others. But it is important that I am loving toward others. People may look at things emotionally and spiritually in a different way than I do. I don't have to change their attitudes or viewpoints by arguments or making the effort to point out what I believe is their erroneous thinking.
Over the years, I have discovered that internal freedom is a result of spending a lot of quiet time with a loving God. Internal freedom is a result of always being kind and loving toward others. Internal freedom is the result of letting go of judgments, condemnations, and emotional resentments about other people, places and things. When I become critical and frustrated, I lose my internal experience of peace. When I argue with others about anything, I put myself into a conflict of negativity which prohibits me from being kind and loving.
Internal freedom is an experience of life that is loving, positive and kind no matter how other people might act and no matter what might be happening around me or in the world. Internal freedom relaxes the heart, the mind and the body. With internal freedom, anxiety and depression disappear.
Toddlers with loving parents have an experience of internal freedom. They can explore life with an open and curious attitude because their loving parents are creating a positive atmosphere.
When I am loving and positive, I create an internal freedom for myself and for the people in my presence.
It is so easy to become entangled in bemoaning how the world should be or how other people should be and how they should act. This puts me in a judgmental, authoritative mode. It prohibits me from looking for the presence of good in others. When I look for goodness in everyone, I create an internal freedom within myself which can touch a hidden source of goodness in another person.
The other day I was returning some merchandise to a store. The lady helping me was very kind and I told her that she was very kind. She needed help from her manger about the merchandise. The manager at first seemed uptight, nervous, and crabby. Instead of reacting in any negative manner, I was warm, affirming and kind to this manager who seemed frustrated and preoccupied. All of a sudden, this manager smiled, became helpful and helped me in a kind manner. I thought of the words "love conquers all.''
As the years roll on, I become more convinced that each moment of life is meant to be a positive experience of love and a positive experience of God. But it takes a simple, clear, and peaceful internal freedom to experience this. When I choose to withdraw from the imprisonment of negative words or actions, my heart and mind become free and open to see and experience love everywhere and in everyone. I then see everything from a positive perspective and can realize the goodness and love that are present everywhere and know that everyone is looking for love and kindness and internal freedom.
When I have internal freedom, life becomes so very simple and joyful no matter what happens.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage & family therapist and limited licensed psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Michigan. Cavaiani is associate editor and contributing writer for Human Development Magazine. His column in the Legal News runs Tuesdays. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is FredsCounselorsCorner.com.
