Berl Falbaum
I hesitated writing a column on the subject covered here because I believed the principle involved is pretty basic. Boy, was I wrong.
For eight years, ever since Donald Trump rode down the golden escalator to announce his intention of running for president, one consequence of his candidacy has been totally misunderstood, misrepresented and, frankly, mangled badly.
I am referring to the pro-Trump camp protesting how they have been maligned and that those who have ended relationships with them cannot accept “a different point of view.”
As we know, the clashes between anti and pro-Trump contingents have severed lifelong friendships and even torn families apart.
So, as we head into the last leg of the upcoming election in which Trump is basically tied with the Democratic candidate, Kamala Harris, let’s examine that argument in more (admittedly simplistic) detail.
All parents, at one time or another, probably have warned their children to be careful of hanging with “the wrong crowd.” They were not advising them to avoid those who received poor grades (equate that with conservative politics).
They were counseling their children to stay away from those who started fights, lied, broke into lockers, used drugs and alcohol, were sexually promiscuous, skipped classes and, generally, caused trouble, maybe even to the point of breaking the law and being arrested.
Well, the principle of hanging around with the wrong crowd applies to adults as well, and is especially noteworthy in the case of Trump who embodies the “wrong crowd” and to support him gives legitimacy to his lies, sexual perversions, business frauds, etc.
As parents tell their children, if you run with someone who steals, you endorse that behavior. If you don’t protest their conduct, you become complicit. If you remain silent when boys sexually attack girls, you are condoning the crime. If you accept their overall deviant behavior, you are an accomplice. It’s as simple as that.
A personal experience: I had dinner, once a week, with 10 close friends for many years. Shortly before the 2016 election, as I listened to the discussion one night, I discovered that seven would be voting for Trump.
I was astounded. These were sophisticated, politically astute people who I believed were highly principled and committed to unquestionable morals.
I took a deep breath, got up, and gave a speech along the following lines:
“I can’t sit here anymore with people who support a man who has stoked antisemitism, raged about Muslims, bragged about assaulting women, committed countless frauds as a New York real estate developer, demeaned migrants, and I can go on for hours.
“Please understand, this is not about differences I might have with you over tariffs, the deficit, abortion, taxes, military spending, or other policies. I have always respected your views even when we disagreed.
Indeed, I welcomed constructive debates, which helped me formulate my own views.
“But how do I explain to my family that I associate with people who support a man for president who is totally immoral?
“How do I justify to my wife and two daughters that I have dinner with friends who plan to vote for a man who believes women are pigs, who had numerous adulterous affairs, who bragged about grabbing women by their genitalia, who discussed wishing he could date his daughter, Ivanka, and told radio host Howard Stern it was okay to talk about his daughter as a ‘piece of xxx.’
“How do I, a Jew, explain my association with people who support a candidate who distributed antisemitic campaign materials; whose TV ads included ideas that were reminiscent of the ‘Protocols of the Elders of Zion,’ the antisemitic forgery; who remained silent when antisemitic slurs flooded the GOP convention chat room during a speech by the governor of Hawaii, Linda Lingle, a Jew; who adopted the slogan, ‘America First’ that was used by Charles Lindbergh, the famous pilot, who was accused of antisemitic leanings.
“Of course, there’s more, much more… like mimicking a disabled man or mocking parents who lost a son in Iraq. Remember that?
“Please tell me.”
I stopped for an answer, but there was none. I left and never went back and that was eight years ago. (My wife also broke off a long-term friendship.)
This happened, of course, before two impeachments, the January 6 insurrection, trying to overturn the 2020 election, four major criminal charges, 34 felony convictions, and some 30,000 documented lies he told while president.
Incidentally, none of the high-priced political talk show hosts or analysts ever ask their pro-Trump guests how they answer the above questions for their families. And I believe I am right in using the absolute “none.” I also have been curious how pro-Trump voters justify their support of the former president to their children. Indeed, this column is the result of my daughter, Amy, asking me what Trumpites tell their children.
The one word which embodies the issues discussed here, of course, is “character,” something we once cared about.
I regret leaving my friends, people I admired, but I hope my wife and I taught our children a lesson on the importance of truth, civility, honesty, justice, humanity, decency, obeying the law (the Constitution) and morality even when, at times, it may be painful as it was in this case.
It is not possible to advocate high principles and embrace a man who represents the very opposite of standards we want our offspring to follow.
Doing so leads to two possible results:
The children and grandchildren of Trumpites will conclude that it is acceptable to lie, cheat, engage in all kinds of illegal behavior in exchange for money, power or political ends since they back a man who does just that. After all, they are the parents; they are the standard bearers, the role models.
Or…
They will reject explanations, recognizing that their parents have abandoned their moral compass by lying to them in touting morals, decency, civility, integrity and, probably with much regret, lose considerable regard for their pro-Trump parents and what they stand for.
There is no other alternative. As a parent, I would not want to face either one.
I know this: Whichever alternative the children and grandchildren choose, they will never look at their parents in the same way again.
It is sad, more than sad, that in eight years, we still have to explain what led to the break up of friendships and families. It has little, if anything, to do with conservative vs. liberal policies. That conflict has always existed.
It has everything to do with hanging around with the “the wrong crowd.”
For eight years, ever since Donald Trump rode down the golden escalator to announce his intention of running for president, one consequence of his candidacy has been totally misunderstood, misrepresented and, frankly, mangled badly.
I am referring to the pro-Trump camp protesting how they have been maligned and that those who have ended relationships with them cannot accept “a different point of view.”
As we know, the clashes between anti and pro-Trump contingents have severed lifelong friendships and even torn families apart.
So, as we head into the last leg of the upcoming election in which Trump is basically tied with the Democratic candidate, Kamala Harris, let’s examine that argument in more (admittedly simplistic) detail.
All parents, at one time or another, probably have warned their children to be careful of hanging with “the wrong crowd.” They were not advising them to avoid those who received poor grades (equate that with conservative politics).
They were counseling their children to stay away from those who started fights, lied, broke into lockers, used drugs and alcohol, were sexually promiscuous, skipped classes and, generally, caused trouble, maybe even to the point of breaking the law and being arrested.
Well, the principle of hanging around with the wrong crowd applies to adults as well, and is especially noteworthy in the case of Trump who embodies the “wrong crowd” and to support him gives legitimacy to his lies, sexual perversions, business frauds, etc.
As parents tell their children, if you run with someone who steals, you endorse that behavior. If you don’t protest their conduct, you become complicit. If you remain silent when boys sexually attack girls, you are condoning the crime. If you accept their overall deviant behavior, you are an accomplice. It’s as simple as that.
A personal experience: I had dinner, once a week, with 10 close friends for many years. Shortly before the 2016 election, as I listened to the discussion one night, I discovered that seven would be voting for Trump.
I was astounded. These were sophisticated, politically astute people who I believed were highly principled and committed to unquestionable morals.
I took a deep breath, got up, and gave a speech along the following lines:
“I can’t sit here anymore with people who support a man who has stoked antisemitism, raged about Muslims, bragged about assaulting women, committed countless frauds as a New York real estate developer, demeaned migrants, and I can go on for hours.
“Please understand, this is not about differences I might have with you over tariffs, the deficit, abortion, taxes, military spending, or other policies. I have always respected your views even when we disagreed.
Indeed, I welcomed constructive debates, which helped me formulate my own views.
“But how do I explain to my family that I associate with people who support a man for president who is totally immoral?
“How do I justify to my wife and two daughters that I have dinner with friends who plan to vote for a man who believes women are pigs, who had numerous adulterous affairs, who bragged about grabbing women by their genitalia, who discussed wishing he could date his daughter, Ivanka, and told radio host Howard Stern it was okay to talk about his daughter as a ‘piece of xxx.’
“How do I, a Jew, explain my association with people who support a candidate who distributed antisemitic campaign materials; whose TV ads included ideas that were reminiscent of the ‘Protocols of the Elders of Zion,’ the antisemitic forgery; who remained silent when antisemitic slurs flooded the GOP convention chat room during a speech by the governor of Hawaii, Linda Lingle, a Jew; who adopted the slogan, ‘America First’ that was used by Charles Lindbergh, the famous pilot, who was accused of antisemitic leanings.
“Of course, there’s more, much more… like mimicking a disabled man or mocking parents who lost a son in Iraq. Remember that?
“Please tell me.”
I stopped for an answer, but there was none. I left and never went back and that was eight years ago. (My wife also broke off a long-term friendship.)
This happened, of course, before two impeachments, the January 6 insurrection, trying to overturn the 2020 election, four major criminal charges, 34 felony convictions, and some 30,000 documented lies he told while president.
Incidentally, none of the high-priced political talk show hosts or analysts ever ask their pro-Trump guests how they answer the above questions for their families. And I believe I am right in using the absolute “none.” I also have been curious how pro-Trump voters justify their support of the former president to their children. Indeed, this column is the result of my daughter, Amy, asking me what Trumpites tell their children.
The one word which embodies the issues discussed here, of course, is “character,” something we once cared about.
I regret leaving my friends, people I admired, but I hope my wife and I taught our children a lesson on the importance of truth, civility, honesty, justice, humanity, decency, obeying the law (the Constitution) and morality even when, at times, it may be painful as it was in this case.
It is not possible to advocate high principles and embrace a man who represents the very opposite of standards we want our offspring to follow.
Doing so leads to two possible results:
The children and grandchildren of Trumpites will conclude that it is acceptable to lie, cheat, engage in all kinds of illegal behavior in exchange for money, power or political ends since they back a man who does just that. After all, they are the parents; they are the standard bearers, the role models.
Or…
They will reject explanations, recognizing that their parents have abandoned their moral compass by lying to them in touting morals, decency, civility, integrity and, probably with much regret, lose considerable regard for their pro-Trump parents and what they stand for.
There is no other alternative. As a parent, I would not want to face either one.
I know this: Whichever alternative the children and grandchildren choose, they will never look at their parents in the same way again.
It is sad, more than sad, that in eight years, we still have to explain what led to the break up of friendships and families. It has little, if anything, to do with conservative vs. liberal policies. That conflict has always existed.
It has everything to do with hanging around with the “the wrong crowd.”
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