Compassion for all

Fred Cavaiani

During the past week there have been momentous events. The Supreme Court rejected the challenges to Obamacare. The next day they declared that those of the same sex could be married in all 50 states. During this same week there were three vicious attacks by ISIS in Kuwait, Tunisia and France. Many innocent people were killed. So many different feelings have surfaced because of all these events. Gratitude, thanksgiving, hope, fear, disappointment and anger - all of these feelings have been experienced by many people in response to all of these events. At this point, words to comfort someone will not be helpful. Other words to convince someone of a different approach to problems will most likely fall on deaf ears. Most people have their minds made up about the two defeated challenges to the Affordable Care Act and the historic decision to allow same-sex marriage. Most of us have definite feelings about ISIS and how to defeat a group that believes they are being religious and virtuous in killing innocent people and in perceiving anything contrary to their beliefs as evil and wrong.

Is there any solution to uniting our country again? Is there any solution to protecting ourselves from terrorist's acts? Are there any solutions to counteract the fears of terrorism, the fears of religious beliefs being challenged, and the fears that can surface when we realize that there are permanent changes happening in our culture in marriage, health insurance, and giving financial help to those on the lower economic bracket of society?

I went to a Tiger game with three good friends the other night. We share some very profound views about life and embracing struggles in life and each of us has a strong belief in an all knowing and all loving God. Not everyone attends a church. We share different political beliefs. But we share one thing in common, a sense of compassion and acceptance for everyone. During the ball game we could be talking baseball and quickly turn into talking about life, love, pain, God and even politics. Yet in each conversation there was present a humility and respect for each other. No one was interested in investing energy in persuading the other person to think the way we do. Instead, there was a willingness to listen attentively to how the other person thought and felt about things. As I reflect back upon this happy evening I am inspired to see the compassion and care each of us had for the other person. We could laugh heartily and share honestly and openly with each other.

When caring compassion and attentive listening happens between people, a profound depth begins to happen. In this depth a sense of compassion and love for one another begins to surface. None of us would invest in bombarding the other person with judgments or condemnations. A sense of freedom and acceptance was so powerful experienced between the four of us. A sense of humor and fellowship or community was so visibly present.

Maybe what we all need from one another is a strong dose of compassion for each other and an attentive listening to what we are saying and thinking. When we give compassion and attentive listening toward another person, that person can realize that I am not their enemy. This then gives that person an atmosphere to look more carefully at their preconceived ideas and judgments. Soon we begin to cut through the superficialities of life, religion and politics and get a glimpse of what is most important in life: to bring more love and compassion to others by caring actions and attentive listening.

In all religions there are principles that are taught about a loving and compassionate God. Those principles are like a DNA that is present in the basic foundations of that particular theology. Most political institutions start off with a sense of care and compassion about their citizens. But then something happens. This is called human nature, human limitations, weaknesses, or pride and pomposity. All of a sudden that basic principle of a loving and compassionate God who is simple and uncomplicated and pure Love and Positive Energy turns into a vengeful, critical and condemning God. So often we human beings start making this God into our image and likeness and preconceived ideas. We read theology, scripture psychology, and sociology in such a way that someone needs to be condemned and sent to outcast hell. Any concept of an all loving God, an all compassionate country or nation, a willingness to endure all things in order to stay loving and compassionate gets thrown out the window. It gets replaced by tension, resentments, condemnations, anger, killings and dividing people up into good and bad, successful and lazy, virtuous and sinful. When I start condemning you in my mind, I start condemning and limiting myself and refuse to make an attempt to understand you and why you do what you do.

If a moral, social, religious or political principle is not based upon care and compassion then there is something lacking. Either the principle itself is in error or the interpretation or perception of the principle is inaccurate.

The biggest fear of each person in life is to bring love and compassion to everyone. When we refuse to admit this fear or hesitation we keep doing the same things over and over again and expect different results. Consistent love and compassion and attentive listening to others will always bring something new and positive into our lives and into the whole world. Try this in your corner of the world. You will find peace. You will find God. You will make your corner of the world a better place. Last Friday night watching the Tigers play the Chicago White Sox with three good friends, I experienced a bit of heaven. The Tigers won. But if they lost we all would have experienced the same positive feelings about life because it wasn't about winning or losing. It was about being with each other with attentive listening and compassion. "What the world needs most, is Love Sweet Love."

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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage and family therapist and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and Henry Ford Medical Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeastern Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at (248)362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com

Published: Tue, Jun 30, 2015