COUNSELOR'S CORNER: Discovery through feelings

By Fred Cavaiani The last time you cried was a powerful moment of growth. The last time you laughed heartily was also a powerful moment of growth. In moments of emotion we discover ourselves again. I just finished giving a workshop for thirteen people who have been in a two year program of spiritual growth. When they graduate from this program they will be commissioned to be Spiritual Directors. A Spiritual Director is a person who listens and helps another person on their journey through life to discover God in a deeper manner. The program I presented was on dealing with grief in our lives. For the past eleven years I have been presenting the program for these wonderful people, men and women who travel far and wide to complete this two year program. They are a people seeking something deeper in their lives. I am always inspired by them. Each year I am with them I feel energized and inspired by their openness, honesty and willingness to share their own stories. Tears flow abundantly and laughter also is plentiful on this annual spring day with these courageous men and women. Each year I become more convinced that we discover life, love and God through allowing ourselves to experience and express what we are feeling. Picture the last time you went to a movie or saw a television program and found yourself crying. Remember the last time you went to a wedding and happy tears started flowing as he couple exchanged their vows. Remember attending the funeral of a loved one and you found yourself with tears running down your cheeks. Have you ever had the experience of having someone say something to you and you suddenly remember something of the past and become filled with emotion? Sometimes a song can bring tears to our eyes. Have you ever reminisced with a friend about the past and memories of both joy and sadness flooded your psyche? All of these experiences are grace-filled moments to embrace life in a deeper manner. They are magical, mystical moments in which we are becoming very alive in our experience of life. Life is lived in emotion. We are often afraid to admit this. Emotions are good. It is what keeps us going. Without emotion life can become very drab and empty. We are not computers. For those of you who have an IPhone, you know what Siri is. She is the talking computer assistant who can do many things. But everything is literal. She doesn't understand emotion. That is like each of us when we push down or push away what we are feeling. When I can allow myself to feel, powerful experiences can surface and wisdom develops. Anger is always a reaction to a much deeper feeling which so many of us are afraid to experience. We like to stay with the anger because it keeps us safe from going deeper. In anger we do not have to acknowledge our hurt, pain, insecurity and fears. Anger is superficial and when we hang on to it we become miserable and do stupid things. When pain and hurt or sadness is acknowledged it brings us to a much deeper level. So do joy and emotional connections with other people. I watched and experienced and shared with thirteen people who were not afraid to feel and share this past Saturday. They left the day with an energy and peace that was refreshing and uplifting. These were people who could allow Cracks In their Armor to continue to open up. Through these cracks in their armor they could allow God to come in because they could let their walls down. Sharing on a deeper level with someone else about what is deep inside of us is healing. It also opens us up to God whoever God is for us. Each moment of life is an experience to be embraced and cherished. It makes no difference where we are or what we are doing. There are no empty moments in life. Embracing the moment always leads to a higher experience of life, love and God. Pain and suffering brings us to a deeper experience of life. It needs to be embraced. Laugher and fellowship does the same. Every moment of life is a bit of a death and also a resurrection. But the moment needs to be embraced. Conceptualizing and analyzing each moment without acknowledging the feeling attached to it blocks us off from self understanding and from genuine connections with ourselves, other people and with God. Treasure emotion and be willing to go deeper. Know that anger, resentments and holding things against other people are simply huge blocks to genuine emotion and understanding and surrendering to something much deeper. Wisdom is always coming to us. We just need to allow the Cracks In our Armor to allow the Wisdom to come in. I watched this happen in a profound manner on Saturday, June 2. What a privilege it was to be there. Though I was the presenter/facilitator, the attendees in their wonderful sharing and open emotion powerfully influenced one another and gave me a deeper appreciation, gratitude and wisdom in realizing that we discover so much through our feelings. Again, it made me appreciate the privilege of what I do for a living. ---------------- Fred Cavaiani is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and Henry Ford Medical Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeastern Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at (248)362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com. Published: Tue, Jun 5, 2012