COUNSELOR'S CORNER: Avoiding the dangerous neighborhoods of negativity

By Fred Cavaiani The Olympics are over. What a good feeling to see these young idealistic athletes from all over the world attempt to do their best in the various athletic events. Then on last Friday night the Lions played their pre-season opener. It was sad to see these professional athletes lose their pre-season opener and we all hope this is not an indication of the upcoming season. Thank God our emotional welfare is not based on how well the Lions do. Life is filled with highs and lows. It is the ebb and flow of living on this planet. Yet each of us can hang on to a "dangerous neighborhood" of negativity. Some days we can see the worse in every person and every situation. Have you ever found yourself feeling grumpy and crabby? Someone says something and you find yourself saying the opposite. You notice yourself taking a negative attitude toward the weather. You look at politics in a pessimistic manner and express your feelings in a very judgmental statement. Anyone who sees things as optimistic receives an opposing remark from you. Have you ever been driving and discover someone is tailgating you? In a few seconds you discover yourself attributing all sorts of negative ideas to this driver behind you. What you say or think would not be printable. Sometimes this negative viewpoint can stay with you throughout the day. The "dangerous neighborhood of negative thinking" can overtake all of us at times. We find ourselves immersed in this negative perception and we don't even realize it. As the hours or days go on our sense of joy of life and optimism seem to have disappeared. Before we realize it we are caught in this dangerous "neighborhood of negativity." How do we get out of this neighborhood? Are we just destined to remain in this low state of existence until it passes? This is a "neighborhood" that is really run down and depressing. Who wants to be there? The solution is simple. We leave this "dangerous neighborhood" in two ways. One is a decision to give no power to this way of thinking. The second is to be involved in actions that directly point us in a positive direction. These actions need to be implemented before we ever get close to the "dangerous neighborhood." The conscious decision to invest no energy in negative feeling and negative thinking needs to become a second nature reflex for us. How do we do this? We learn how to make conscious decisions to invest in optimism by realizing that thinking negatively is a useless distractive thought that minimizes the best in us and distracts us from experiencing peace or joy. It sounds so simple. It really is that simple. When we are thinking negatively or feeling negativity we have the freedom to realize this and withdraw from this. Negativity is a distraction from living life with freedom and joy. It becomes important to associate negativity with something that needs to be avoided. We simply need to realize this. Negativity is that dangerous neighborhood of thinking that gets us absolutely nowhere. The second principle that needs to be implemented to keep us from remaining in "dangerous neighborhoods" is the practice of daily contemplation. It means reserving time each day to be quiet, get out of our heads and become receptive to a god who is consistently pouring into us a sense of wonder peace and hope. This consists in sitting quiet for about twenty five minutes each day, simply reciting a word/mantra without analyzing it and without wondering what we are getting out of this. This contemplative time gets us out of our heads, puts us into a receptivity mode where we can receive a deeper strength and wisdom than we have ever imagined. This daily quiet time relaxes our body and mind. It becomes a daily oasis. This oasis refreshes our soul. It gets us into a deeper level of existence. It helps us to appreciate what is profound and what is superficial in life. And we find the strength to deeply realize that negative thinking is very superficial and useless. The problem with all of us is the refusal to do the simple basic things that can change our lives forever. So decide now to reserve time each day to be quiet and practice contemplation. Decide now to associate negativity with uselessness. And decide now to withdraw from the "dangerous neighborhood of negativity." ---------------- Fred Cavaiani is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and Henry Ford Medical Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeastern Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at (248)362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com. Published: Tue, Aug 14, 2012