By Fred Cavaiani
I had two powerful experiences this past week that will stay with me forever. I received a call a couple of weeks ago from a man who reads my articles faithfully. He is a man in his seventies and his two buddies were coming in from out of town. They all have known each other since grade school and have remained friends for over sixty years. All three had reached the top of their professional and educational fields. They just wanted to come and chat and share the wisdom of the years with each other and with myself. I felt honored at such a request. So they reserved two hours with me and I met with them.
The three older men in their seventies had a deep friendship with each other. Each had their own wounds and scars which they could share with one another and support one another. They had been doing this for many years. Their wisdom, humility and sincerity and genuine love for each other inspired me greatly. One lived in California; one lived in Ohio and one in Michigan. In this care and concern for one another there was a depth and humility that was most inspiring. All were looking for something deeper in life even in the midst of their pain and struggles. The truth is that they were all looking for a deeper relationship with God. In their friendship with one another they had this deep relationship with God and were searching to make this even deeper and more fulfilling in their fourth quarter of life.
Then on Friday evening and Saturday I gave a retreat for married couples at St. Paul’s Passionist Retreat House and Conference Center in Detroit. A number of couples attended who were all in their forties and early fifties, many with young children at home. Both of these experiences moved me deeply because both of these groups were on a journey to search deeper in life and all were supporting one another.
The couples that were on the retreat shared with each other in such an open and inspiring manner that it made me aware in a powerful manner how marital relationships and deep friendships are the foundation for a profound and growth-filled life. These couples shared ideals, faith, joys and sorrows with each other in such a meaningful manner. The three older men did the same thing. I was privileged to be able to observe this and be part of this. Many of these couples had been doing this with other couples for a number of years. The three older men had been doing this with each other for many years.
Life is about relationships with one another and with God. It is a foundation for successful and peaceful living. Both these groups had discovered this because they had persevered in maintaining friendship with each other. Obviously all had differences in opinions and attitudes about things and didn’t agree with each other about everything. But they could listen and love each other and had proven this over many years. I was in awe at the powerful presence both groups displayed. It was evident that these spouses deeply loved each other and wanted to go deeper in their relationship with one another. They wouldn’t have reserved a day and a half to stay at a retreat house together if this wasn’t important. It was evident that the three long term buddies deeply cherished each other and thought that a new venture talking with someone whom they had experienced by reading his articles could be helpful to them. So they agreed to do this as three old friends embarking on a new venture. What courage and wisdom and fellowship these three wonderful senior men had. I think I gained much more from them than they did from me. It was the same with the married couples.
Life presents each of us with profound experiences to help us on our journey. We meet people who inspire us to look deeper into our lives and discover more meaning. These are the people who help us search deeper and support us in our search. To meet these people we need to make an effort to reach out and listen to them. At the end of the retreat on Saturday an old friend called me. My wife was up north with my son for the weekend so I met him in the evening for drinks and dinner. We have been friends for over fifty years. Again I learned something from our meeting which helps me on my journey through life.
Profound experiences come to us when we reach out to one another and are not imprisoned by fear of new ventures.
Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the University Center for Women’s Medicine, and an instructor at Davenport University. He can be reached at (248)362-3340. His e-mail address is: rochestercavi@ yahoo.com.
