By Fred Cavaiani
Football players and hockey players wear “armor” to keep themselves protected. Shoulder pads, rib pads and helmets protect these players from serious injury in the hard contact with other players.
Yet in psychological and spiritual terms we all have armor that protects us from experiencing life in a deeper, more refreshing manner. The armor we wear protects us from wisdom, peace and relationships. This armor is held together by addictions to substances such as drugs, alcohol and food. It is also held fast to our bodies and minds by consistent activity, noise, and a running away from silence.
Another method of keeping our armor intact is to avoid close relationships and stay away from sharing our feelings.
Then one day a crack in our armor begins to emerge. It happens when we have been reflective for awhile. In the silence and reflection our defenses are challenged. Through that crack a hunger and desire for something deeper begins to emerge.
But then it gets uncomfortable. So we return to more alcohol, drugs, food, hectic activity, work, resentments and ‘superficial good times.’ We can then close the crack that is allowing the light to come inside of us where we begin to see ourselves more accurately.
So the crack is repaired and we can continue our life living on the surface looking for whatever can distract us from looking and embracing the deeper, more precious and meaningful experiences of life.
Anything that can give us immediate relief will work. It can be work, booze, drugs, sex, constant activity, addiction to whatever can keep us from going deeper.
Then the day finally arrives. We hit bottom so hard that our armor really has a serious crack in it. We realize that we are miserable and want to be genuinely happy. We begin to look around us and see who is really happy.
People who are happy are not caught up in substances that muffle pain and creativity and insight. People who are happy seem to be humble and open to other people. They just accept us and care about us. In this moment of clarity we begin to recognize the many failed relationships in our own lives and feel something bubbling inside of us that own responsibility for our behavior in failed relationships and in damaging behavior to ourselves, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Something profound is happening to us. The cracks in our armor are now experienced as something good. We can let the sunlight and fresh air come into our mind, heart and body. It is beginning to feel good.
How do we continue to let this crack in our armor become wider so we can receive more light and love into our psyche?
The solution is in finding right relationships with other people. It is in finding a right relationship with a God. It is in finding a right relationship with our own personal self.
So how do I keep my armor weakened so I can live and breathe again? The cracks in my armor can continue by finding the right community, making time for silence, and taking good care of my body. In doing this, light and love continue to shine deeply within me guiding me to a new and joyful and peaceful life in spite of whatever pain or struggles come my way.
When cracks in your armor happen it is a grace-filled day. This is really a daily event.
Don’t repair the cracks. Let them open up wide and disintegrate. Shed your armor and become fully alive. It is a wonderful life to live.
This experience will bring you into a right relationship with yourself and with others. You will succeed and be happy regardless of what happens around you.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. He can be reached at (248)362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his Web site is fredthecounselor.com.
