By M. Scott Carter
The Daily Record Newswire
That time is burned into my memory.
I was in the third grade — the new kid, the one who didn’t grow up in the town and the one who didn’t know a thing about horses.
We’d moved to the small spot in rural Oklahoma because my father had been offered a better job. Dad worked in the oil field and the move away from Oklahoma City offered a chance for him build a better life for his family.
But the transition wasn’t easy.
At first it was just the words.
A few of the kids — the meaner ones — called me names. Then, after a while, they resorted to shoving me in my locker, the stray bump in the hall or the occasional punch on the playground.
After that, things got really violent.
I remember being chased home, cornered and beaten on more than one occasion.
And I still have the scars — and memories — of that horrific period of my life.
As I got older, I learned how to avoid certain types of people. I learned to wall myself off and I learned people of all stripes and colors could be cruel.
I learned about bullying the hard way.
Thirty-seven years later, I’m still learning. This year I’ve seen story after story of children who have taken their own life because they were being bullied.
The stories of the young boy from Perkins, or of the student at Rutgers are chilling. And while the efforts the students, teachers, friends, supporters and even state lawmakers are admirable, they are, perhaps in vain.
Because bullies, like the plague and crime and hatred and bigotry, will always be with us.
There will also be those who think they are above others. There will always be the arrogant and the mean and the cruel. And like the stink of rotting flesh, they will pollute our lives.
But bullies, like all trouble, are temporary. Eventually, they seek newer victims or, at some point, become victims themselves.
The trick is survival and the key is education.
Sure, many groups have focused attention to the problem and today you see new laws and ideas from experts and policymakers on how to eliminate the problem.
But the key rests in the relationship between parent and child — in teaching each child that they are valued and loved and cared for. Taunts have no power if the threats are not believed and those who would use violence can be stopped through law enforcement and greater attention to problems and behavior at school and in the communities we call home.
Even though I still wear the scars, I survived.
My parents taught me that I was important and unique in the eyes of God. They stood behind me when I was frightened and I learned that, no matter what, my life was far more valuable than the taunts (and even the hits) from a bully.
It was a difficult, hard lesson. But I outlasted the bully and today my life is better for it.
For too long, adults have turned a blind eye to others who spew hatred and when our children see our lack of action they equate it to acceptance.
If we honestly seek to eliminate the problem of bullying, then the solutions must come from the home and from within each of us.
Instead of bowing to fear and intimidation, we as a society have to look those who spew hatred and use violence right in the eye. But instead of throwing a punch we should tell them, in the words of Rocky Balboa, that “you ain’t so bad.”
And that we’re not afraid.
