By Fred Cavaiani
The celebration of Christmas is over. It is now a time of joyful remembrance and a hopeful looking for a glorious New Year in 2011. Many of us have had family celebrations which consisted of gift-giving and treating one another with kindness and sensitivity. For others the Christmas holidays may have been a lonely time wishing for meaningful relationships and sensitivity. Whatever religion or absence of religion, the December Holidays are a time to reflect and remember what is most important in life.
I watched our children and grandchildren, old friends and new friends gather together this past week at celebrations and share with each other respectfully and lovingly. Conflict was absent because it wasn’t necessary or needed. Holiday gatherings often avoid conflict because it isn’t necessary or needed when it is the season for giving and sharing.
As I reflect back on the Cavaiani gatherings this past week I smile and feel much gratitude. We certainly enjoyed this presence of family sharing with one another. Watching the innocence of grandchildren share with one another and the mature experience of adult children sharing with one another made me feel happy and proud. Sharing with close friends was also a beautiful experience of remembering what is really important in life. Christmas is a time for love and sharing. It helps us remember what is most important in life.
For a brief few days each year late in December the world stops and reflects. Kindness and love is in the air. We greet each other with warmth and respect. It becomes automatic to allow another car make a turn in front of us. We greet salespeople, waiters and waitresses with even more friendliness. Often we even postpone arguing politics. It becomes a peaceful time when people become most important rather than opinions and judgments. The sharing of gifts has been preceded by shopping for one another which is an act of love. This act of love seems to stay with us for a couple of days.
This loving time of the year happens every year. We ritualize and symbolize the importance of love. We remember that love is important needs to be retained in our hearts throughout the year. The decisive effort to bring a gift to someone and the intentional acts of sensitivity towards one another is what the world needs most throughout the year.
We not only remember what is most important but we live what is most important for a few hours and even for a few days each year. These days are special because the world goes on a retreat reflecting on Love. Every year we experience this remembering of what we wished could happen every day.
It would be so easy to make some pious statement now and encourage all of us to change our lives into bringing more love into the world. This is done every Christmas by many writers and preachers. It is appropriate.
Yet the meaning of these holidays is the “retreat” time each of us experiences in having these momentary reflections and rememberings of how wonderful it is to love and be loved. It is these quiet reflections that need to be incorporated into our daily lives. These quiet reflections become daily periods of a spiritual and psychological oasis that can refresh us and nurture us to bring more love and kindness into the world. It happens to us every year late in December. Maybe it can happen to us every day in 2011. The best New Years resolution is to find a daily oasis for ourselves to reflect and listen and learn about love. Some call this an experience of God.
Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at (248)362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com.
