Born on the Fourth of July: Reflections on war from a houseboat on the Styx
By Dr. John F. Sase
and Gerard J. Senick
“In war, truth is the first casualty.”
–Aeschylus, Greek tragedian (525 BC - 456 BC)
In this month’s column, we have revisited a subject and a cast of characters to consider the matter of war. With Memorial Day just passed and the Fourth of July coming up, we thought that it was time to shine a light on this subject once again. We constructed our column as inspired by, and in emulation of, the American author and satirist John Kendrick Bangs in his tome “A House-Boat on the Styx” (Harper & Brothers, 1895). Bangs was well known for creating fantasies in which he sets his plots in the afterlife. In writing our column, we drew upon decades of thought and learning. Rather than pontificate our own views on the subject, we decided to use the words of great minds, such as the ancient Greeks, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Dwight D. Eisenhower. We thought, “What if we invited all of these personages to a cocktail party or parlor soiree?” Then, with a little bit of artistic license and some help from our muse, we could allow them to discuss the matter with one another in their own words. We decided to model the party on Bangs’s third chapter, “Washington Gives a Dinner.” Original quotes from each celebrated guest are held within single quote marks in the body of the text.
The River Styx
Let us begin by introducing Charon, the ferryman in Greek mythology who takes the spirits of the dead to Elysium on the River Styx. In Bangs’s book, Charon discovers a houseboat, moored along the shore of the Styx. On the day of the soiree that forms the basis of our column, Charon had busied himself all that morning and afternoon by ferrying guests from the far side of the Styx. More than seventy years before, he had arranged to use the houseboat to host a soiree on the eve of the Second World War. (Charon had gotten permission from George Washington and the members of the Houseboat Committee.) Now, he had arranged another soiree with Washington and the Committee. The houseboat, which resembled a Florentine barn, was moored on the near side of the Styx in order to facilitate a special group of invitees who were coming from and returning to the Land of the Living.
All was prepared. The last of the guests had arrived. Charon stepped onto the houseboat to greet the guests and to address them. Before doing so, he decided to visit the little boatman’s room to freshen himself. As he washed, Charon reflected on a verse from Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 that a member of the Committee had posted on the mirror above the sink:
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under Heaven:
“A time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.”
Finishing his toilette, Charon entered the grand parlor of the houseboat where the guests had assembled. With the exception of a few of them, such as the boisterous Teddy Roosevelt and the loquacious Oscar Wilde, the gathering quieted when Charon entered the room and walked up to the podium. He began to speak without hesitation:
“Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to welcome all of you to the first of these soirees since the one that we hosted on the eve of the Second World War in 1939. We decided to convene this meeting in the midst of what some of you know as the Global War on Terrorism and what others of you refer to as ‘more of the same.’ As you know, the present United States federal budget for 2013 includes $673 billion (18%) for spending by the Department of Defense.”
Charon continued, “We have not convened this meeting of great minds to debate how or why wars – both recent and current – began, any more than we are here to discuss how many persons most likely will gain from the continuation of these events. This group includes me, since I hold the monopoly on trafficking across the Styx. Rather, we convened this meeting that we might lend some clarity, understanding, vision, and direction to those
who are returning to the Land of the Living. We hope that they will carry our words with them to share amongst their fellow humans throughout the various nations of the earth.
“As the focus of this matter rests with his country and much of the current situation traces back to his presidency, I would like to call upon Ronald Reagan, former President of the United States, to begin the discussion. Mr. President?”
Reagan, who was slumbering at the head table, awoke, came forward, and said, “Thank you, Charon. To address the matter of war in general terms, I would like to put forth the thought that ‘history teaches that war begins when governments believe the price of aggression is cheap.’ With that thought, I turn the discussion over to Former President Thomas Jefferson.”
Jefferson stood and said, “Mr. Reagan, this is all well and good. However, I believe that you are missing the main point. Personally, ‘I recoil with horror at the ferociousness of man. Will nations never devise a more rational umpire of differences than force? Are there no means of coercing injustice more gratifying to our nature than a waste of the blood of thousands and of the labor of millions of our fellow creatures?’”
Adjusting his loincloth, Hindu nationalist leader and author Mahatma Gandhi rose and spoke: “I agree with Thomas and would carry this thought one step further: ‘What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?’”
Twisting the ends of his mustache thoughtfully, German philosopher and poet Friedrich Nietzsche commented, “Thank you, Mahatma, for your wonderful words. What Mr. Gandhi says is true. ‘Against war, one might say that it makes the victor stupid and the vanquished malicious. However, for the sake of balance in this discussion, I offer in its favor that, in producing these two effects, it barbarizes, and so makes the combatants more natural.
For culture, it is a sleep or a winter time, and man emerges from it stronger for good and for evil.’”
“There you go, Fred, getting all esoteric on us again,” interjected American historian Hermann Hagadorn, shaking his head. “I understand what Mr. Nietzsche is saying and agree with him to a point. A cultural sleep of reason can breed monsters. ‘Consider that the bomb that fell on Hiroshima fell on America, too. It fell on no city, no munitions plants, no docks. It erased no church, vaporized no public buildings, reduced no man to his atomic elements. But it fell, it fell.’”
“I agree with Hermann,” offered American anarchist/atheist Fred Woodworth, “and would like to offer another example: ‘In an incredible perversion of justice, former soldiers who sprayed festeringly poisonous chemicals on Vietnam and now find today that they themselves have been damaged by them, appeal to the people for sympathy and charity. The effects of the defoliant Agent Orange are discussed at length, but not one single newspaper article or hearing that we are aware of has even mentioned the effects on the people who still live in those regions of Vietnam. It’s as outlandish as if Nazis who gassed Jews now were to come forward and whine that the poisons that they utilized finally had made them sick. The staggering monstrousness goes unlaughed at and even unnoticed, as in a Kafka novel.’” From the back of the room, Nazi Minister of Aviation Hermann Goering rose in protest. “Just a minute, Herr Goering,” Charon admonished. “You will get your turn.”
“A Great War Leaves the Country with Three Armies -- an Army of Cripples, an Army of Mourners, and an Army of Thieves.”
–German Proverb
Buffing the stars on the epaulets of his jacket, American general Dwight D. Eisenhower asserted, “I concur with Mr. Woodworth and the other Fred-Friedrich, that is. To tie this in with Ronald’s original comment on cost, ‘Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron.’”
“Thank you, General Eisenhower,” said American-education reformer Abraham Flexner. “Through my work with the Carnegie and Rockefeller Foundations, I studied the finances of war in the early twentieth century. Now, as then, ‘nations recently have been led to borrow billions for war; no nation has ever borrowed largely for education. Probably, no nation is rich enough to pay for both war and civilization. We must make our choice; we cannot have both.’”
Former Senator Charles Sumner of Massachusetts responded, “I agree with Abe. ‘Give me the money that has been spent in war and I will clothe every man, woman, and child in an attire of which kings and queens will be proud. I will build a schoolhouse in every valley over the whole earth. I will crown every hillside with a place of worship consecrated to peace.’”
“I give my regards to Senator Sumner,” said Founding Father George Washington through his clattering wooden teeth. “He has underscored the point that the expense of war must produce some measurable benefit. Today, as in my own time, ‘I do not mean to exclude altogether the idea of patriotism. I know it exists, and I know it has done much in the present contest. But I will venture to assert that a great and lasting war can never be supported on this principle alone. It must be aided by a prospect of interest or some reward.’”
“In knowing and respecting George, my esteemed Whist partner,” said English economist John Stuart Mill, “I hope that I understand him correctly in respect to a prospect of interest or some reward. I believe that ‘war is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.’”
Pulling a lavender scarf from his coat sleeve and dobbing his nose gently, Irish-born poet, playwright, and novelist Oscar Wilde sniffed and said, “My fellow Britain, John Stuart Mill, has made a poignant case. However, the fundamental attraction to war remains perversely seated within the human psyche. ‘As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.’”
“Mr. Mill and my drinking buddy Mr. Wilde have drawn well upon their education in the classics,” said Sophocles, while tipping the laurel leaf on his head deferentially. “However, allow me to sum up these views in my own words: ‘A mind at peace does not engender wars.’”
Filled with ennui, French philosopher, playwright, and novelist Jean-Paul Sartre recanted, “I have been sitting here listening to these elitist philosophical waxings of Messieurs Mill, Wilde, and Sophocles, However, the existential core of the matter is a much simpler matter of politics and class. ‘When the rich wage war, it’s the poor who die.’”
As the sunlight glinted on his Distinguished Flying Cross, American politician George McGovern spoke up: “I concur with Monsieur Sartre. However, let me carry this concept one step further. The rich in power are old men while the poor at their mercy are young men. ‘I’m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.’”
“Men, men, men, Mr. McGovern! It’s always the same!” shouted American comedian Brett Butler, rolling her eyes. “‘I would like it if men had to partake in the same hormonal cycles to which we’re subjected monthly. Maybe that’s why men declare war – because they have a need to bleed on a regular basis.’”
“Right on!” thundered Anglo-American novelist Lucy Ellmann. “I’m with sister Brett! ‘Men like war: They do not hold much sway over birth, so they make up for it with death. Unlike women, men menstruate by shedding other people’s blood.’”
Returning from the buffet table, American general Omar Bradley interjected, “Mr. McGovern, Ms. Butler, and Ms. Ellmann, this argument goes beyond class, age, and gender. It is a matter for all of humanity. ‘The world has achieved brilliance without wisdom, power without conscience. Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants. We know more about war than we know about peace, more about killing that we know about living.’”
While his colleagues spoke, English novelist H. G. Wells was musing over the promotional literature for Epcot’s New World of Tomorrow. It was given to him by his friend, the American studio-head, movie producer, and animator Walt Disney. Finally, Wells turned in his smoking chair and said, “I must agree with General Bradley. ‘If we don’t end war, war will end us.’”
Fluffing his mop of hair, Albert Einstein smiled. “Good point, H.G.,” he said in Wells’ direction as the latter went back to his reading. Einstein then turned to the assemblage and spoke: “I long have respected Mr. Wells’s visions of our possible future. ‘I do not know with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.’”
Picking a piece of asparagus out of his teeth with a fishhook, American novelist and short-story writer Ernest Hemingway articulated, “Mr. Einstein, it seems that the human condition will never change. I would like to remind our group about this: ‘Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime.’ By the way, Albert, is that a new suit?” Einstein, who still maintained a closet full of identical suits, shot Hemingway a deprecating look and said, “It’s all relative.”
At this point, Charon jumped in: “Gentlemen, gentlemen, let’s preserve the niceties.” English statesman and novelist Benjamin Disraeli broke in with, ‘War is never a solution; it is an aggravation.’” “That’s right,” said Chinese politician and author Chairman Mao. “Spoken like a true politician. ‘Politics is war without bloodshed while war is politics with bloodshed.’” Playing with his compass and set-square, Thomas Jefferson directed himself to the
Chairman: “However, war powers inevitably rest with the politicians. ‘The power of making war often prevents it.’”
“Most certainly, President Jefferson,” nodded Vietnamese Zen Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh. “Preventing war reflects wisdom. ‘Preventing war is much better than protesting against the war. Protesting the war is too late.’”
“So,” interjected French statesman Georges Clemenceau, “What we are hearing from Nhat Hanh and the others is that ‘war is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military.’” Am I hearing correctly?
“I will concede your point, Monsieur Clemenceau,” grunted English statesman and author Sir Winston Churchill while rolling around a cigar in his mouth. “However, as a politician, ‘Never, never, never believe any war will be smooth and easy or that anyone who embarks on the strange voyage can measure the tides and hurricanes he will encounter. The statesman who yields to war fever must realize that, once the signal is given, he is no longer the master of policy but the slave of unforeseeable and uncontrollable events.’”
Taking a break from perusing the legs of the female guests, Former President John F. Kennedy chimed in: “Ladies and gentlemen, for those in politics and those serving in the military, it seems that ‘it is an unfortunate fact that we can secure peace only by preparing for war.’”
Jefferson took the floor again, saying, “That, Mr. Kennedy, is the responsibility that has come to rest with all branches of the government. ‘The care of human life and happiness, and not their destruction, is the first and only object of good government.’”
Brushing off the excess powder of his wig from his shoulders, Former President James Madison added, “Furthermore, my dear Jefferson, let us not forget exactly where that power of government rests. War ‘should only be declared by the authority of the people, whose toils and treasures are to support its burdens, instead of the government, which is to reap its fruits.’ Let me defer to my esteemed colleague, Former President Teddy Roosevelt, who is poking me in the side with his riding crop.”
Adjusting his monocle and Rough Rider hat, Roosevelt swaggered to the center of the room. Loudly, he proclaimed, “Thank you, Jim. Let me add a caveat to what Mr. Madison and Mr. Jefferson have just iterated, given the current state of political power in the United States. ‘To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile but is morally treasonable to the American public.’ You have a comment, Bungalow Bill?”
Fuming, American General William Westmoreland pointed his finger at Roosevelt and said bitingly, “What you just said is all well and good, Teddy. However, there must be controls. I remember that ‘Vietnam was the first war ever fought without any censorship. Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.’ Why, during the Gulf War, a former colleague of mine at the Pentagon said, ‘If we let people see that kind of thing, there would never again be any war.’”
American general Omar Bradley replied sarcastically, “Thank you for your erudite comment, Bill. Of course, maybe that would not be a bad idea. After all, ‘the way to win an atomic war is to make certain it never starts.’ After all, ‘We know more about killing than we know about living.’ Let me add, ‘We have grasped the mystery of the atom and rejected the Sermon on the Mount.’”
“Quite right, General Bradley,” said Einstein. “‘The release of atom power has changed everything except our way of thinking.’ What can we do? I believe that the ‘solution to this problem lies in the heart of mankind. If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker.’”
JFK responded, “The use of the atomic bomb was not your fault, Professor Einstein. As it was in the 1940s, the 1960s, and beyond, ‘the basic problems facing the world today are not susceptible to a military solution.’”
“And this is especially true, President Kennedy, when speaking of such ideals as liberty and democracy,” added Gandhi. “‘Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.’”
“Well put, Mr. Gandhi,” smiled Kennedy approvingly. “However, let me continue to say this about that: ‘The wave of the future is not the conquest of the world by a single dogmatic creed but the liberation of the diverse energies of free nations and free men.’”
“Peace Is Not the Absence of War; It Is a Virtue, a State of Mind, a Disposition for Benevolence, Confidence, and Justice.”
–Benedict (Baruch) De
Spinoza, Dutch philosopher
“I have become fed up with this serving of liberal tripe,” bellowed a German-accented voice from the back. “‘Naturally, the common people don’t want war. That is understood. But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a Communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people always can be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.’”
“Yes, Herr Goering,” said Westmoreland. “However, Hermann, it seems that you have made my point. ‘The military don’t start wars. Politicians start wars.’”
Reentering the grand parlor from the “head,” American general Douglas MacArthur proclaimed, “I have returned!” Directing himself to General Westmoreland, he stated, “Politicians such as these gentlemen declare war. However, it is we military creatures who must carry out the war. Personally, ‘I know war as few other men now living know it, and nothing to me is more revolting. I long have advocated its complete abolition, as its very destructiveness on both friend and foe has rendered it useless as a method of settling international disputes.’ Don’t you agree, Otto?”
“Certainly I do, General MacArthur,” replied German Chancellor Von Bismark. “‘Anyone who has ever looked into the glazed eyes of a soldier dying on the battlefield will think hard before starting a war.’ Having been both
sailor and politician, would not you agree, Lieutenant Kennedy?”
“Absolutely, Chancellor,” said JFK. “‘Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind.’ To quote his Holiness, John Paul II, ‘War should belong to the tragic past, to history. It should find no place on humanity’s agenda for the future.’”
During the conversation, American statesman, author, and inventor Benjamin Franklin was making a tail for his latest kite. He did so by surreptitiously pulling bits of cloth off of Goering’s frayed Nazi uniform. Hearing Kennedy’s comment, Franklin looked over his spectacles and said, “Allow me to assert that ‘all wars are follies, very expensive and very mischievous ones. In my opinion, there never was a good war or a bad peace. When will mankind be convinced and agree to settle their difficulties by arbitration?’”
French priest and writer Francois Fenelon added quietly, “‘All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers.’”
Pope John Paul II, who had been praying fervently for Goering and Sartre, addressed the group: “I thought I heard my name and words bandied about from across the room, Messrs. Kennedy, Franklin, and Fenelon. Allow me to sum up your insights. ‘If you wish to be brothers, drop your weapons.’”
At this, Charon returned to the podium: “‘If you wish to be brothers, drop your weapons.’ Thank you, your Holiness, for summing up our discussion so succinctly. I hope that our guests from the Land of the Living will carry these and all the other words back to their homes. To close our evening, I have asked Mr. Samuel Clemens, the great American writer and speaker, to recite a closing oration, his War Prayer. Let us all remember what we have discussed here on this houseboat on the River Styx. Mr. Clemens, if you would be so kind...”
“Thank you, Charon,” said “Mark Twain” after lighting his pipe and taking a puff. Grinning wryly, he continued, “Apologies to the female members and the more sensitive men of our party for how I am about to begin. A few minutes ago, I was on the commode, where I read a piece of graffiti on the door of the stall. Apparently, it had been written sometime this evening by Dr. Martin H. Fischer of our party.” German-born American physiologist Fischer looked down sheepishly at the floor of the houseboat. Clemens continued, “Fischer’s words are, ‘The refuge of the morally, intellectually, artistically, and economically bankrupt is war.’ That sentence moved me in more ways than one. So, in respect to Dr. Fischer and in all humbleness in the presence of this gathering of great minds, I dedicate my War Prayer, which, unfortunately, proves every bit as relevant today as when I lived:
“O Lord our God, help us tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with their little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it.”
Charon nodded approvingly, as did many other guests. Then, he said, “Ladies and gentlemen, this concludes our soiree. Thank you very much to all of our attendees, many of whom have edified us with their comments on the subject of war. May what they have said today inspire, educate, and motivate. Now, please line up to be returned to the Land of the Living – single file, please. Also, I would ask that you finish all drinks before boarding. Yes, that means you, too, Mr. Roosevelt...”
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A PDF copy of this article is posted at http://www.saseassociates.com/legalnewscolumn.html. We continue to post videos related to our monthly column on www.YouTube.com/SaseAssociates in the Legal News Features playlist.
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Dr. John F. Sase of SASE Associates, Economic Consulting and Research, earned his MBA at the University of Detroit and his Ph.D. in Economics at Wayne State University. He is a graduated of the University of Detroit Jesuit High School. Dr. Sase can be reached at (248) 569-5228 and by e-mail at drjohn@saseassociates.com.
Gerard J. Senick is a freelance writer, editor, and musician. He earned his degree in English at the University of Detroit and was a Supervisory Editor at Gale Research Company (now Cengage) for more than 20 years. Currently, he edits books for publication and gives seminars on writing. Mr. Senick can be reached at (313) 342-4048 and by e-mail at gary@senick-editing.com.
