Fred Cavaiani
What glasses do you wear to see life? Do you have glasses of negativity? Maybe you have glasses that see everything as disappointing. Is your first reaction when you glance at another person positive and welcoming or negative and withdrawing? Are you an optimist or a pessimist?
Each moment of life is a blessing. We sometimes forget to look for the blessings. In everyone and in everything there is goodness. We often become too distracted to look for this goodness.
Try looking at everyone this day with a positive and grateful attitude. Look for the silver lining in everything and in everyone and you will find it. Appreciate your spouse’s goodbye in the morning. Be thankful for having a home to which you can return in the evening. Rejoice over the friends that you have. Experience the goodness of the moment.
In this one day I have experienced 1) a kind message from my wife as I said goodbye when I left for work 2) Watched the kindness and dedication of a coworker at the Capuchin Retreat 3) Saw the patient dedication of a maintenance worker 4) Witnessed the kind vision about life from a good friend on Facebook 4) Saw the wonderful work of an associate preparing a booklet for my next presentation 5) Talked to a delightful Principal of a school who will be taking her staff to the Retreat House 6) Had a short visit with my kind son in law whose 40th birthday we will be celebrating tomorrow 7) Had a good dialogue with my son who will be leaving on Monday for a teaching job at Colorado State University 8) Remembered the kindness of friends who helped turn a crabby waitress into a warm person by their consistent warmth and affirmation 9) Talked to my son-in-law’s best friend and his girlfriend who are visiting him from Mexico 10) Had a friendly dialogue with the tellers at my local Credit Union 11) Experienced an older priest give a kind and loving homily that exemplified care and concern for people 12) was allowed into incoming traffic by a generous driver 13) Exchanged friendly words early this morning with others who were working out at the same health club 14) Talked to a kind and warm woman who asked me to do a program for her and her friends 15) Had a most enjoyable talk with a friend of mine, a retired Judge, who went to high school with me 16) Got a return call from a friend of mine who is convalescing from knee surgery 17) Replied to kind messages from a good friend 18) Received positive and affirming messages on Facebook from a posting I put up 19) Witnessed the courageous strength of two people I know who have been unfairly criticized by others 20) listened to the brave stories of two people who had suffered a lot of pain in their lives and yet continue to live with a peaceful and joyous heart 21) Saw the goodness in a friend who volunteered to drive with my son to Colorado this Monday.
All of this has happened and it is not even 4 p.m. on a Friday afternoon. It will be a very busy weekend so I am writing this article a bit early this week. The day has eight more hours in it and I have already been surrounded by all these positive connections.
Have you made a list of the goodness you have experienced in the day? There is so much we minimize and take for granted. Each of us has glorious ‘goodness’, positive moments that come to us through other people throughout the day. When we make the effort to look and appreciate this, all of us will discover many moments each day where we experience the goodness of other people. We simply need to put on our “people goodness glasses” and we will see so much goodness all around us. But we cannot be wearing negativity glasses at the same time. So if we put on our “goodness glasses” we have to take off our “negativity glasses”.
Lately I have been realizing that “negativity glasses” never make me happy and they do not bring any joy to other people. But “goodness glasses” work. With them I can see things more clearly. I discover an inner joy inside myself. The present moment feels very comforting and the next moment becomes an occasion for more goodness in my life no matter what is happening. And when I am with people, it becomes easy to notice their goodness which then becomes a wonderful gift to me. The simple task for me is to make an effort to see the goodness in everyone. It lifts me up to a new way of life. Try making the effort. You will find an uplifting and refreshing discovery.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at (248)362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com.
