Fred Cavaiani
The emotional impact of Pope Francis on the world is simple and universally appealing. Here is a humble man who stresses the importance of caring about other people as the first prerequisite of religion. He doesn’t judge, condemn or emphasize what is wrong with people. He seems to emphasize the importance of loving everyone and reaching out to the needy. He portrays this by how he lives simply, frugally, and relating with other people in a caring and concerned manner. He practices the words that have always been preached in his Church but often not practiced in a consistent manner.
Religion without positive relationships is religion that is empty and hollow. God is discovered in being open, humble and non-judgmental towards others. This is true in marriages and relationships that work well. It is also true in religions that work well. I need to listen carefully to someone else in order to discover myself and discover God. I need to express my deepest, painful and joyful feelings in order to discover intimacy with another person. I also need to do this in order to discover an intimacy with God or with something deeper in life.
Whenever I become condemning or judgmental and emphasizing what is wrong with other people and what is wrong with the world, I build obstacles to harmony and peace and cooperation. Whenever someone emphasizes how bad we are the immediate response is to look for something bad in them.
The people in my life who uplift me have never been the ones who are critical, angry and worried about the evils in the world through criticism and negativity. The people who uplift me are those who are loving, looking for the good in others, and emphasize compassion and care to all rather than criticism and condemnation toward many.
Religions, organizations and political movements that are positive, looking out for the needs of the poor and broken in a consistent and caring manner help make the world a safer and more peaceful planet.
It is so easy to emphasize what should be done correctly and condemn those who commit crimes and become judgmental toward others. Each of us can become a “Captain”, “Chairperson” or “Pope” judging how people should stop their erring ways. Democrats and Republicans have been doing this for years toward each other.
Morality is so easy when we believe we have the absolute truth and can become the judge of all the evil in the world and in people. Morality first starts by how kindly I treat the person next to me and the next person I encounter. Rules and regulations become irrelevant when relationships become critical and judgmental. When a woman or man is left starving in the street, rules seem so trivial. When sickness devastates someone and there is no help available, we are all diminished.
Yet we need rules, regulations and consequences of disobeying laws. However if there is not first compassion, love and kindness to another person, the rules of religions, the political laws, the civil laws, and the moral laws will not be important. When any rule, regulation, law or political agenda is emphasized before kindness and compassion is concretely expressed, nothing positive will happen.
People who are hurt by words, actions or human neglect will find it almost impossible to follow a law given by a religion, community or political system because ‘your words and actions are so uncaring, I cannot accept what your rules are.’
This is why Pope Francis is such a revolutionary and positive breath of fresh air in this 21st century. He could just emphasize what is right and what is wrong and tell the world how to behave and obey the laws better. Instead he challenges us to simply be loving and kind and put this into concrete practice by being peacemakers and compassionate people.
Just think of the last time someone told you bluntly and critically how badly you messed up. Then think of the last time someone kindly invited you to connect with them by their warm and caring words and loving actions. Which one will you believe first? Which one will you follow? Which of these two people will you be most receptive to incorporate their philosophy or theology of life? Which one will you be most willing to
share your deepest feelings and ask for help in how to live?
Right and Loving relationships change the world. They also make religion and politics hopeful and helpful. But without caring and compassionate relationships we continue the craziness of judgments and condemnations which just perpetuates tension and misery.
We need more men and women like Pope Francis. We also need caring and compassionate women and men in every aspect of life. It all starts with each of us to become more caring and compassionate toward each other at whatever moment of the day we encounter another person.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage and family therapist and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and Henry Ford Medical Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeastern Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at (248)362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com
