Simple and loving attitudes
Fred Cavaiani
Children love simply and see things simply. A four year old hugging a two year old creates affection in our hearts. The simple play of children running around a yard sends us a comforting experience of joy. Watching my grandchildren play makes life appear so simple and joyful. When my grandchildren ask me to read to them I immediately feel gifted by their simple loving presence. The running hug of a grandchild carries me to a place of simplicity and love. Quietly singing a lullaby to my seven-month-old granddaughter who is looking straight into my eyes with such intensity is a mystical experience. Why can’t life always be this way?
As the years go on, I am realizing that life can always be this way. It depends upon maintaining a simple and loving attitude about everything and everyone. Children teach us how to be simple and loving. This is how we all once were. What happened?
We got educated. We left our hearts for our heads. Education is most important. But we cannot leave our hearts behind. Life realities are important to be experienced. But we need that simple and loving attitude to remain with us. It is found in our hearts.
A simple and loving attitude is to realize that everything and everyone needs to be treated with love and compassion. My granddaughter looks intently at me only because I am gently singing to her and holding her with a gentle compassion. Children play innocently and simply because they are not being yelled at, scolded, criticized or judged.
We all suffer from emotional wounds. These emotional wounds do not have to stifle our ability to be loving and simple. Make the effort to be simple and loving toward others. It will create an environment in which you are able to embrace your emotional wounds so they do not have to stifle your compassion and simplicity. It means we will cry more. But we will also laugh more. We will feel more pain. But we will feel more joy.
The biggest tragedy in life is to remain judgmental, condemning and critical to those who see things differently than we do. Just don’t do it anymore. Be like a child, loving simply and kindly. Reach out to those in pain with care and compassion. Stay in your heart more often. Embrace your children and grandchildren. Listen patiently to your adult children. Listen with compassion to your friends. Look into the eyes of a stranger with a warm attentiveness and a welcoming smile. You will quite often receive a smile and some attentiveness coming back toward you.
We can keep life simple and loving. We are just afraid to do it. It happens in the present moment, and the present is all we have. So make the present loving and simple. Children look for goodness. They are seeking love in everything. Do the same. Goodness is all around us if we look for it.
There have been many times in my life when I have put myself in the lonely prison of becoming preoccupied with wishing that other people were different. Then there are the times when I hang on to negative attitudes about life that I have absolutely no control over. I do not wish to return to these internal prisons. I have discovered over the years that the way out of these prisons is to love more and keep a simple open attitude toward everyone and everything. The gift of children and grandchildren is that they teach us how to be simple and loving. The gift of loving, simple and compassionate adults is that they teach us these very same principles. I want to be this way consistently and experience this sense of love and simplicity in each moment of life.
So I shall listen more and look for the goodness in everyone and everything. I will be silent more. In the letters of silent is found the word listen. When I listen and look with love, life will be simple and love will be experienced. It is so simple it becomes difficult to believe it is true. As the years go on, I am believing that it really is true.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com.
