By Lisa Henderson-Newlin
It’s the holiday season and I love it. It’s the only time of the year when no one judges you for eating half of a pie or drinking all of the spiced rum. The rest of the year it’s deemed “gluttonous” but not during this one month time-frame. It truly is the most wonderful time of the year.
With the holidays comes nostalgia, and as I’m getting older, I’m feeling more and more thankful each holiday season for everything I have. This year I found myself especially grateful, so I decided to outline some of the things I’m most thankful for in my life…and it’s more than just pumpkin pie.
• The “Last Channel” button. I can barely remember what channel I’m currently watching, let alone what channel I was on before I stumbled upon yet another rerun of bad TV from the 90s. The “Last Channel” button allows me to remove the last part of thinking that was required to watch TV. For that, I’m grateful.
• Cranberry sauce in a can. Those lines from the tin can are how you know it’s fresh.
• An electric stapler. I can’t be expected to manually staple my papers.
• The Tide Pen. Because, duh. I can’t manage to eat something without getting at least a little bit on my shirt. I like to call it my leftovers, but my husband says it’s “gross.” Obviously he doesn’t like to recycle.
• The space heater hidden under my desk at the office. It’s forbidden by the office building but if they don’t want me to have it, they might want to consider not blowing cold air into my office all afternoon.
• There are no longer rotary phones. I have fat fingers and could never get the number right on the first try. I also refused to call numbers that had anything higher than a 6 in it because it was just too much work to make a half-circle.
• Foot powder because my husband’s feet stink. Yup. It’s my husband’s feet that stink…
• My secretary. A woman who can keep me somewhat together is someone who needs to be celebrated.
• A TV at the gym so I can watch reruns of “Roseanne.” I should watch the news but I refuse. As if morning news isn’t painful enough without throwing in some squats and sprints. A loud-mouthed mom is far more motivating.
• Tanning beds. No one likes to see milky white thighs at the pool, especially me (when I’m looking down). Everyone knows that tan fat looks better than white fat, which is why I’m so thankful for tanning beds.
• Heated seats. Living in the Midwest means cold car seats and scraping snow off windshields. I’m thankful that someone invented heated seats so I can warm myself before going into work. Granted, the rest of me is usually freezing but at least my butt is warm.
• A swivel chair in my office. Sometimes the best part of my day is rolling and swiveling around the office in my chair. I have some really boring days.
• My dogs. They might cost me a lot of money but a kiss from one of them is priceless. Actually, it’s not so much priceless as is the cost of vet care, food, treats, bones, etc. Wait. Why do I have them again? Ah. I’m thankful for them anyway.
These are just a few of the things I’m most thankful for this holiday season. I think it’s always good to stop and take stock of what’s really important in life, and what’s not. As you can tell from my list, television and office supplies are at the top of my list.
I hope you all take a moment to be thankful for all you have. I also hope it doesn’t include office supplies, because that’s just sad.
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Under Analysis is a nationally syndicated column of The Levison Group. Lisa Henderson-Newlin is a shareholder of the law firm McAnany Van Cleave and Phillips. She’s a contributing writer at NickMom, YourTango, Bustle, EliteDaily and others. She also writes a humor website, LisaNewlin.com. Contact Lisa at lhenderson@mvplaw.com or contact Under Analysis by email at comments@levisongroup.com.
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