Take weddings one at a time

Nearly one-fourth of American engagements occur on Valentine's Day. That number might be higher this year with it having been on a Saturday. Many of those couples were out on dates with plenty of liquid courage to help them along. Despite an estimated 14 million proposals each year in the U.S., there are only about 2.1 million marriages. Those are sorry odds if you're doing the asking, and if you're a young man asking a young woman there's a reason: There are 119 men in their 20s for every 100 women. Still, 2.1 million marriages are about 6,000 per day, enough to keep florists, caterers and photographers ever hopeful. But after collective billions are spent on woo, and billions more on the resultant nuptials, none of it comes to fruition without the help of the person who does the marrying. Wedding officiant is a promising career now that a majority of states have widened the potential customer base. For my own wedding, the officiant was the Rev. Susan Quinn Bryan, a Presbyterian preacher whose thoughtfulness created the service we wanted, traditional in its rituals and inclusive in its love. We wanted Susan to be Susan, and she was. It might have been the first straight, white wedding at a Springfield, Missouri, country club with a homily that celebrated the joy of love between two people, whether they be a man and a woman, two men or two women. I'm pretty sure I heard a couple of gasps when she said that, and that was before the guests knew the soloist was also the lead singer for Mood Swing, the all-lesbian band that played our reception (a first for them, and likely for the Twin Oaks Country Club). She conducted the service with us facing our guests, reverse of the customary arrangement. It never would have occurred to us, but we were amateurs; Susan was the pro. "They all came to see you," she explained, "not me." As any good event planner knows, it's all in the details; I just failed to consider the details of officiating. Lisa Francesca has that covered, though. After more than a decade of hitching folks, Lisa, who has a pretty strong interfaith view of the world, recently published The Wedding Officiant's Guide. I have a copy because Lisa sent me one; we've known each other since second grade. I thought it would be handy if I ever got ordained by the Universal Life Church. But as I read it, I realized what a great responsibility the officiant assumes. No matter how many unions she performs, they can't ever become routine. In Lisa's words: "I met couples of every description and brides in every stage of pre-wedding anxiety. There were fainting grooms and missing licenses, and separated parents forcing themselves to act courteously after years of feuding. I saw dogs bearing rings, and little boy ring bearers who vomited, and rings that flew off their ring pillows. Windy gusts tore long bridal veils, and bees lurked in lawns. There were also masses of flowers, happy tears, gorgeous dresses, musicians, favors, doves and comic asides." Her book contains poetry by Rumi, Whitman, `Abdu'l-Bahá and Kuan Tao-sheng. She writes about cultures and rituals, and honoring children. She reminded me that no matter how many couples the officiant has married, that couple will do it just that once. It's what makes each wedding, each couple, each relationship unique. There were about 3.5 million proposals on Valentine's Day, leading to approximately 500,000 marriages if the statistics bear out. But in the end, they only matter one at a time. Published: Fri, Feb 20, 2015