Fred Cavaiani
I have been writing these articles every other week for the past 18 years. This article is simply taking some quotes from the previous articles that you might find inspiring. Read these quotes, slowly and reflectively.
Life, Love, Relationships and Permanence are deeply rooted within each of us. No matter where we travel or whomever we might encounter, there will be a pattern in the conversation that will lead back to a theme that will contain something about LIFE, LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS OR PERMANENCE. It is a universal pattern and deeply rooted in the psyche of everyone.
Every man and woman who learns to be quiet and listen daily to the Divine speaking within joins the All-Star team of Spirituality and Wisdom.
Each moment of life is a blessing. We just forget to look for the blessings. In everyone and in everything there is goodness. We become too distracted to look for this goodness
Negativity is a distraction from living life with freedom and joy.
You can’t heal what you can’t feel.
Each moment of life is a cross and a resurrection.
When I listen attentively to others I will experience wisdom.
Freedom comes from allowing myself to be open and broken.
When I become quiet and reflective on a regular basis I open myself up to experiencing God.
Stay out of your head and stay in your heart. Your head will follow your heart but your heart will not follow your head.
Whenever you read something worthwhile read it slowly, not to finish it but to experience it. Pay close attention to the verbs because that is where the action is.
Do not worry about finishing prayers, be concerned about experiencing what you are saying or reading.
The reflective person is the wise person. The harried and hurried person rushes through life and misses the divine experience of the present moment.
Anger is the superficial feeling hiding what is really beneath it. Whenever I am angry I am in the wrong ball bark.
Some of the most honest people in the world are those who have humbly admitted serious mistakes. Some of the most dishonest people in the world are those who have never admitted their mistakes. Integrity, Humility and Forgiveness all go together.
Each of us is flawed. We can fall short of living up to our ideals and to the goals we may have set for ourselves. It is part of the human situation. We need models and heroes who can inspire us to return to becoming our best self.
Each moment of life is an experience to be embraced and cherished. It makes no difference where we are or what we are doing. There are no empty moments in life. Embracing the moment always leads to a higher experience of life, love and God.
For the past ten years I have been starting my psychotherapy sessions with a short quiet meditation. It has amazed me how people, after becoming quiet for a few minutes, are able to reach deep within their own self and discover their own goodness and embrace their own pain. After reflective silence something Divine seems to be experienced and this seems to help a person embrace such profound feelings of both pain and joy.
On a Sunday afternoon my wife and I were sitting at the beach on the shores of Lake Huron peacefully relaxing in our chairs. We suddenly realized that we didn’t have our cell phones. It was an accident but a glorious accident. (We left them recharging at our RV.) No calls. No text messages. No Facebook. No emails or voice mails. Oh my goodness. What are we going to do? We just sat there peacefully observing the waters of this Great Lake lapping on the sand. We smiled at each other. We talked. We fell into a comfortable, tranquil silence. For the next two hours we experienced peace and a refreshing sense of calmness came over us.
As I looked at my granddaughters joyfully celebrating life I began to think, what would stifle their excitement and compassion? If I yelled at them, criticized them, refused to listen to their needs and desires, kept lecturing them and telling them they were too loud, and tried to get them to do things out of fear and intimidation, this would totally stifle their joy and enthusiasm about life. Yet how often as adults do we stifle other people by our condemnations, critical remarks, and preconceived ideas of how they must be.
The positive people in my life lift me up and make it easier for me to channel my own energy into a forward and loving direction. I am beginning to realize that maybe this is the main purpose of life for everyone. To help another person channel their energy into a positive and loving direction is a marvelous goal. We have been given so much energy from birth. Good parenting helps children channel their energy into positive ways. Bad parenting stifles energy and pushes it into negative directions. Good compassion and affirmation of others helps a person to channel their energy into a positive direction that can better the world.
Love disarms other people. It also heals me and heals you. I have learned that when I treat everyone with love, respect and compassion two powerful things happen. You do not become my enemy. I give up trying to change you into my way of thinking. My love and compassion for you allows you to challenge your own way of thinking because no matter what happens, I will not become your enemy. I have begun to disarm you by not fighting with you or condemning you.
This past Sunday was a peak experience of life for me. But as I get older I am more convinced that every day of our lives should contain peak experiences. I just need to pay more attention to these experiences when they are happening right before me. Listening carefully to someone tell me about their life is a profound peak experience. Affirming someone else and looking for the goodness inside of that person is another peak experience. Letting go of resentments towards others or those internal condemnations and judgments of others is another peak experience because I then experience a sense of freedom and a deeper realization that there is goodness in everyone and I do not have to hang on to negative thinking.
Freedom to be kind is a peak experience. Spending time in prayer and meditation is profound peak experience of life.
The realization that everyone has some wisdom to share is another peak experience. Watching a sunset or a sunrise takes me out of myself and into another realm. Sitting on the shores of the sea or lake is a peak experience. Listening carefully to my spouse and to my children is a peak experience.
“I fled Him, down the nights and down the days; I fled Him, down the arches of the years; I fled Him down the labyrinthine ways of my own mind; and in the mist of tears I hid from Him, and under running laughter. Up vistaed hopes I sped; And shot, precipitated, Adown Titanic glooms of chasmed fears, From those strong Feet that followed, followed after. But with unhurrying chase, and unperturbed pace, Deliberate speed, majestic instancy, They beat—and a Voice beat, More instant that the Feet, ‘All things betray thee, who betrayest Me.’
The death of loved ones becomes an invitation to surrender deeper, get out of my head and into my heart and to run toward God and not away from God, to run toward myself and not away from myself.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@ yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com.
