Fred Cavaiani
This past Saturday evening my wife and I were in our car looking over Lake Huron in Port Austin, Michigan. We just had dinner at our favorite Italian restaurant. Now we were sitting in the car by the beach looking at beautiful Lake Huron eating ice cream from the local ice cream shop.
I thought I had turned the motor off. When it was time to go I turned the key and instead of the sound of the engine starting we heard the dreaded silence. Yet all the lights worked and the radio worked. What does one do in the metropolis of Port Austin on an early Saturday evening? I got out of the car, raised the hood and looked.
My wife was laughing her head off and putting this whole ordeal on Facebook saying "Hmm, what's scarier? Being parked by the water in Port Austin and our car is dead or seeing Fred with the hood up looking at the motor." She knows that I know nothing about cars.
Within seconds our neighbor from 35 years ago who would always help me when I was in a mechanical jam posted a comment. He well remembers me opening the hood of another car many years ago and saying: "Well the engine is still there." This sums up the extent of my mechanical knowledge.
Finally we called a local gas station who gave us the name of a man who has a tow truck. We called and a half hour later he pulled up with his wife. I had assumed my starter was gone and that we would be up here for a few days trying to get a new starter. I was praying desperately for help.
Thank God, with jumper cables in place, the car started. This kind man and his wife assured me that if our car didn't start the next morning, they would help me and get me a new battery if I needed one.
This might seem simple to the average person. But for me, someone very mechanically challenged, this was a helpless experience. Yet, during this whole experience, I felt quite calm ... to my surprise. I realized that I had to embrace this helpless feeling and that I had no control over anything except to find the right person in a very small town at the tip of the thumb.
At first I wanted to blame someone for this experience. I only had myself to blame so I accepted that. I hadn't turned the ignition key off all the way, so the radio was still on and our electronic equipment was still charging while we were looking at the beautiful lake. Once I accepted that this was my mistake, I again felt peace. I had already accepted that I had no control over the outcome of this whole ordeal except to do what I could realistically, like call road service.
I think my wife was afraid that I would fiddle with the motor and really wreck something.
There are many simple things in life that happen to us over which we have no control. I talk about this often and write about this often. This past weekend I had to experience it and embrace it. The calmness I felt amazed me. My worst fears didn't come true. Yet even if they did I think I was ready to just embrace them.
Maybe living in the present moment with openness and reflection really works. Before this happened I was sitting quietly in the car meditating and reflecting by a beautiful shoreline. I felt peaceful and connected to God and to my wife. Then the unexpected happened.
There would have been a time in the past when I would have panicked or become angry and frozen in time. Not this time. Maybe I am evolving into a more peaceful and spiritual person. Maybe all those hours of meditation are having a positive effect on me. (Maybe the sound of my wife's chuckles in the background helped ease some tension away.)
There are three things I noticed about myself this past Saturday evening: 1) I realized how I had no control over the outcome; 2) I embraced my helplessness and powerlessness; and 3) I prayed and turned this over to God and asked for help.
Now this is not rocket science stuff. It is rather simple.
Maybe life is really simple. Embrace, accept and turn everything over to God and embrace whatever happens. I am beginning to realize that there is a God who is always there for us every step of the way.
I may not like the outcome but if I embrace the outcome I will discover peace and the ability to deal with whatever I must face and embrace. Sometimes the outcome will be a relief and helpful.
Sometimes the outcome may be difficult and painful. Both results need to be fully embraced for me to learn how to live life in a deeper and more fulfilling manner. I see this every day in the people I work with.
This simple experience was good for me. I will not lessen my quiet time each day. I will accept the present moment of life and embrace this present moment. And, I will thank God for my existence and being with me in each moment of this existence.
There will come a time when I will have to transition to another form of existence that is meant to be joyful, happy and free. When the time comes for the embrace of that moment I must embrace it like another moment in life that I have no control over.
I will then be at peace.
Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@ yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com.
Published: Tue, Aug 01, 2017
