Fred Cavaiani
It is painful when people attack one another. We get hurt when someone verbally attacks us. Emotional resentments can take a strong hold on us when people disappoint us.
Watching people, including ourselves, condemn and judge one another doesn’t bring much peace. It also doesn’t unite people. When those people are supposed to be our leaders and we experience them condemning and criticizing anyone who disagrees with them, we feel helpless.
It can be a leader of a church, a work place, a community gathering or a member of our own family. Have you ever felt hurt by a friend who simply disappointed you by their actions? Have you ever been disappointed by the president or members of Congress? Have you ever held a grudge toward a friend or a family member?
Each of us has had these disappointments. Disappointments and resentments can immobilize us. Hanging on to these feelings can be emotionally and spiritually damaging.
The other day someone told me about a quote they had read which said, “Let go or be dragged.” What an accurate statement. If we hang on to criticizing others, resenting others and condemning others we become dragged by life into all sorts of tension and disappointments. If I hang on to resenting you I will be dragged painfully by this negative attitude.
When I neglect love in my life, I become dragged by life. When I hang on to negativity I become dragged into even more negativity. When I let go of negativity and resentments and judgmental attitudes I am then allowed to turn toward a loving and reflective and affirming life.
Negativity blocks me from discovering and experiencing God or it can turn my God into a judgmental and condemning God so I can justify my negative and critical attitudes.
Whenever I am not feeling peaceful I need to look at what negativity I am clasping. Have you ever held resentment against someone whose actions really don’t make any difference in your everyday life? Hanging on to negativity and resentments is giving power to others to make our life miserable. And they have no realization that we are feeling this way.
I am always inspired watching little children play games with each other. They may be playing a game and suddenly one of the little ones might become angry. Yet the others don’t hold on to this attitude. They simply want to keep the game going. Soon the little spat is over and life continues in playing the game with these little innocent ones. They teach us so much about life.
It is a choice to hang on to something negative and be dragged painfully through life. It is also a choice to let go and live life with freedom and peace. The more I can let go the more open I become to positive and inspiring attitudes. Most often we live our lives in judgments without facts. We grasp resentments without understanding. We listen to respond instead of listening to understand. We keep judging instead of trying to understand. We invest so much emotional energy into how other people should act appropriately instead of investing the energy into how we can act with more kindness and love. We want to preach to others to change their lives instead of changing our own life into a more humble and compassionate attitude.
Peaceful and loving people go forward in life and make positive changes for all of us. Angry and resentful people only inspire angry and resentful people. When each of us reaches out to one another in a kind and loving manner we appeal to the best part of a human being. When we criticize and personally attack someone else we appeal to the worst part of a person.
When I let go I stop being dragged through life by negativity and focusing on the worst part of people. Letting go helps me to turn toward peace, happiness and joy. When I can acknowledge my helplessness about the negative feelings that pass through me I can then have the power not to invest in them. But I first must admit what these feelings are and if they continue it is because I am investing in them.
No more investment in negativity. It never helps physically, emotionally and spiritually. Investment in a loving God and loving actions and attitudes toward others place me on a higher plane of life. This plane of life helps me to gather with people who are loving and positive. It also helps me to make choices that will lead to a positive and affirming attitude in each moment of life.
So from this moment on I want to always be letting go and not be dragged into a negative attitude. I want to experience the freedom of being loving and positive. This means to turn in the right direction.
When I agree with people who put others down and condemn everyone who disagrees with them I am turning in the wrong direction.
When I associate with people who are loving and positive and have an understanding of the importance of experiencing a positive, loving God or Power beyond themselves, I am turning in the right direction. Look for goodness in everything and everyone and it will be found.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@ yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com.
