Karin Ciano, BridgeTower Media Newswires
The night: dark & stormy. Scene: the English countryside. A young grammarian stumbles through the entrance of a pub — let’s call it the Wandering Apostrophe’s — followed closely by a sheet of rain. The grammarian approaches the bar and asks the barkeep for directions to Bohemian Rap City — as chatty locals look at each other and fall silent. An elderly copy editor remains and turns her nearly blind eyes to face the newcomer. “Beware!” she hisses. “Beware the curse of the Mondegreens!”
Indeed. A mondegreen, dear reader, is a subspecies of malapropism (use of the wrong word) that results from a misunderstanding. Mondegreens tend to occur when you mishear someone and don’t (or can’t) ask them what they said — notably in song lyrics. The word was coined by Sylvia Wright, who famously wrote that for years she believed the lyric “laid him on the green” was “Lady Mondegreen.” Think a typo, but for your ears.
Sometimes hilarity ensues, especially when songs or kids are involved. Who hasn’t laughed at the lines “Jose, can you see” or “I led the pigeons to the flag”? Or heard a friend in middle school sing “No Dukes of Hazzard in the classroom” (that would be Pink Floyd, “Another Brick in the Wall,” for those of you old enough to remember. Speaking of the ‘80s, mondegreens remind me of the creatures from the movie “Gremlins”: cute and funny at the karaoke bar, not so much in the courtroom.)
Do mondegreens make it into legal writing? Absolutely. “Notary public” becomes “not a republic.” “Abuse of discretion” becomes “abusive discretion.” “All intents and purposes” becomes “all intensive purposes.” Our frenemy spell-check has made it worse, failing to catch problems and sometimes suggesting corrections that may not be.
If you’re worried about whether mondegreens have infiltrated your speech, you’re not alone. I’ve found enough bloopers in my transcripts to realize that to misspeak is human. What keeps me up at night is the thought that I might misspeak and not realize it — the way a friend in middle school might repeat a joke without understanding why the punchline was funny. And then realize it ten or fifteen years later, and be very embarrassed.
Or consider this. You’re standing in a lovely courtroom waiting to be sworn into the bar. The judge asks you to raise your hand and repeat, but you struggle to hear the words of the oath, and find yourself mumbling, “I pledge to uphold the constant... solution...” Scary?
So let’s walk down that dark country road to the abandoned manor house and confront our fears. When we’re trying to sound professional, how can we keep mondegreens at bay?
Sadly, there’s no easy fix. No grammar nerd has yet produced the equivalent of a synonym finder for mondegreens. Until they do — or until there’s an app for it — I offer these suggestions:
First of all, admit that you’re not sure what you heard makes sense. If you’re taking down someone else’s words, ask them politely to repeat what they said. “I’m sorry, I missed what you just said, would you please repeat that” or “Pardon?” will usually do.
Look it up. If it’s in print somewhere, look it up from a reputable source — and either commit the phrase to memory or keep a reference handy. For example, the state of Wisconsin requires candidates for bar admission to take the oath while holding a printed copy of the oath in their hands. I suppose there could be other reasons for this, but I prefer to think of it as mondegreen prevention.
Test it. Still think that “abusive discretion” might be a real phrase? Run it through Google’s Ngram viewer against “abuse of discretion.” “Abuse of discretion” has been steadily increasing in popularity since 1880, while the other is still at zero. Just saying.
Be alert. Mondegreens live in sentence phrases and clauses, so listen for words that commonly travel together and sound almost identical when said quickly. Cast an especially cold eye on formulaic or clichéd expressions like “all intents and purposes,” which not only serve little purpose in a sentence but also are a magnet for mondegreens.
Mondegreens are widespread and have been with us for a long time; the internet abounds with misheard lyrics from 18th-century hymns to Taylor Swift. They are not exclusive to the English language but appear wherever what’s said doesn’t match what’s heard. So until the de-mondegreenizer is invented, I have simply resolved to practice a little self-compassion and follow the advice given to witnesses: go slow, listen carefully, ask for clarification, and (hopefully) think before speaking.
