Karen Natzel, BridgeTower Media Newswires
Feeling frustrated, by definition, is the experience of being upset or annoyed because of the inability to change or achieve something. Frustrations rise when things don’t go as we expected or when we encounter resistance and obstacles to our goals. When progress isn’t happening (or isn’t happening as fast as we’d like it), it can naturally create discouragement or exasperation.
As a confidential sounding board to my clients, I hear all kinds of sources of frustrations. There’s irritation with employees who are not performing; there’s a petulance about the recurring behaviors that cause ire between colleagues; there’s a growing impatience for the lack of traction on initiatives, and resentment for not being heard. Sometimes my clients are simply airing their grievances as a stress release valve. Other times, they feel genuinely stuck.
Frustration is not always an external trigger. Goal-oriented people with a penchant for continuous improvement often face a relentless, demanding inner critic. This may have served someone as an individual contributor progressing in a career, but as a leader, one’s frustrations, even with oneself, can be perceived as perfectionistic.
Are your frustrations internal (of your own making and personal demands), or external (conflict or tension with others)? Frustrations of any kind, left unresolved, can be termites to relationships and performance.
Fear not; there are ways to channel frustrations into results. And by channeling frustrations, I don’t mean sweeping them under the proverbial rug. That inevitably backfires and eventually only adds to grief. The good news: The very presence of frustrations is a testament to commitment to and passion for the changes one wants to see transpire in the organization.
Addressing frustrations requires high emotional intelligence, the ability to provide clear and insightful feedback, and the willingness to do things differently.
Name it. Recognize when frustrations are brewing. While they may not feel good, handle them well and they can serve as an internal compass to guide actions. Acknowledge what’s annoying you – and what or who triggered it. My favorite mantra for when I find myself frustrated is: “That’s interesting.” It’s my reminder to stay curious about what’s happening so that I can recognize what’s influencing my thinking and be creative about how to tackle it.
Reframe it. It’s not enough to name it. One truly committed to a new outcome needs to examine the root cause of the frustration and how one can be a conduit for change. To do that, practice reframing the problem. That’s not to imply the issue is being sugar coated or glossed over. Quite the contrary: Use the identified frustration as a trigger to do something about the infringement. Reframing a frustration gives perspective that can bring about real change. It’s also an exercise in challenging assumptions and being empathetic.
For example, an employee I am coaching is frustrated with her supervisor who gets into the weeds. She feels micromanaged and not trusted. She can reframe it to acknowledge that her supervisor needs to feel informed. Recognizing her supervisor’s needs, she can devise a plan for what project metrics get tracked and how frequently they get communicated.
Another client’s frustration comes from a team led by a passionate, well-meaning, over-reacting, priority-shifting leader. They are understanding of the pressures on him from his board to deliver tangible results.
Their next steps are to help him see how staying the course of the original plan will yield the best results in the long term.
Examine the breakdown. Earnestly seek to understand the specific obstacles, challenges or perceived resistance. Does the source of frustration know what is expected of him or her, and how he or she might be unintentionally sabotaging the goal? Be careful to not slip into blaming mode. The objective is to unearth the root cause, not to point fingers. One can hold someone accountable without belittling or making them wrong.
Accurately define desired results. Frustrations are a result of violated expectations. Get clear on yours – what, why, and by when. What are you trying to achieve? Does your team have the right resources? Do you have too many competing priorities? A realistic, clearly articulated and executable plan, with built-in reporting mechanisms, can provide the necessary framework to keep initiatives on track.
Demonstrate full accountability. Be sure you are modeling the act of keeping agreements. Every task completed in full and on time, and reported to the team, sets the tone for others to do the same. Lead by example. More people will follow and credibility will be preserved.
Celebrate the wins. Ironically, leaders are often resistant to celebrating the milestones. Their eyes are on the prize further down the road. Yet celebration of progress can invigorate teams and foster a culture of accountability. Build acknowledgment and appreciation into conversations and meetings.
Learn to take things in stride. I’m not suggesting you ignore issues; rather, recognize there will be setbacks. When a leader acknowledges this, he or she can “make space for the case, and still manage for the results.” One still deals with what is difficult, but in a calm and accepting way with trust in the process.
Each time there is a setback, use it as a learning opportunity – a piece of feedback by which one’s capacity to lead can be improved. It’s also an opportunity for cultivating new organizational habits and cultural norms. These things take persistence and time.
How will you channel your frustrations?
Leaders’ frustrations fuel their consistent adherence to their vision. I invite you to step into the role of servant leader – finding the balance of a healthy sense of urgency to get things done with the patience, guidance and steadiness needed to get there.
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Karen Natzel is a business therapist who helps leaders create healthy, vibrant and high-performing organizations. Contact her at 503-806-4361 or rx@biztherapy.biz.
