Frederick W. Lauck, BridgeTower Media Newswires
Today’s Second Amendment jurisprudence says the government is forbidden from banning handguns. See Heller One, 554 U.S. 570 (2008 — a 5 to 4 decision written by Justice Antonin Scalia who, with an eye toward the future, indicated that even the “inherent” right to bear arms under the Second Amendment is not an absolute “right to keep and carry any weapons whatsoever, in any manner whatsoever, for whatever purpose.”) But, government can, however, ban AR-15s, like the one used in Parkland, Florida to take 17 lives on Valentine’s Day 2018 — at least until the U.S. Supreme Court says otherwise, if they ever do. See Heller Two, 670 F3d 1244 (2015 D.C. Circuit Court of Appeals).
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The role of hard-wired DNA
There may be a semblance of logic and law in both the majority and the dissenting opinions of Heller One and Heller Two. But, for most Americans, logic, law, deductive reasoning and legal analysis take a back seat to long-seated, pre-existing, emotional bias that surrounds firearms and the Second Amendment. My 75-year understanding of human nature tells me that heredity aka DNA hard-wiring creates a primitive, pre-existing emotional response that predisposes Americans to either favor the NRA position of a Second Amendment on steroids with its absolute right to bear arms of any and all kinds whatsoever, or, alternatively, predisposes Americans toward the banning of military-type weapons in the hands of civilians.
While the Second Amendment battle for the hearts and minds of Americans rages on, I foresee an upcoming battle to end all battles… an “Armageddon in the Octagon” that will decide once and for all whose DNA hard-wiring will ultimately prevail in the American, Constitutional landscape that seeks to define the contours of the Second Amendment.
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Armageddon in the Octagon
Tonight’s a night that will be remembered in infamy. 100,000 “standing room only” spectators stand shoulder to shoulder, elbow to elbow, packed into the Roman Colosseum to watch the “battle of all battles.”
These present-day lovers of epic violence and daring have paid $3,000 a ticket just to stand in the shadow of history and bask in the days of glory gone by — days when ferocious lions devoured the early Christians and days when Gladiators fought to the death against wild beasts as well as against one another… “mano e mano.”
Today’s spectators of the octagon are the successors of those who relished the historic battles of old. Today’s spectators are the new-wave followers of “Texas Death Matches” (whatever that’s about). These spectators of today have come from continents across the globe to witness this Armageddon in the Octagon. They have already whipped themselves up to fever pitch, as impresario Vince McMahon takes the microphone and begins the introductions that will begin the “battle that will end all the battles.”
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Introductions
Out of the red corner. Laaaaadieeeees aaaaand gennnntlemen. This is the cage fight to the death that we have all been waiting for. So let’s get riiiiight to it. Fighting out of the red corner and representing the Second Amendment warriors of the NRA, we have many familiar faces, starting with the much hyped, bellicose citizens of America “armed to the teeth” as they are with AR-15s and other military style weapons, all wearing T-shirts emblazoned with a skull and cross bones and all shouting out the war chant, “NRA!!! NRA!!! NRA!!! NRA!!! NRA!!! NRA!!!” I can see everyone is revved up and ready for tonight’s “Arrrrrmaaaaageeeeedon in the Occccctaaaaagon”!!!
Supporting America’s “armed to the hilt” citizens, and also fighting out of the red corner of death and destruction, are the likes of which have filled our world with horror and terror for as long as human time can remember. Although these household names need no introduction, I give you Geeeeenghiiiisssss Khaaaaannnnn, Alexxxxxaaaaanderrrrr the Grrrrreat, the one and only Caeeeeesarrrrr of Rooooome, his crucifying corner men spitting out nails of crucifixion, rat ta tat tat!!! Take that… “smack”!!! Also in the red corner, I give you that king of barbarism, Aaaaattilllllaaaaa the Huuuuunnnnn, standing alongside those much feared explorers and occupiers of new-world America, the fearless Connnnnquiiiiistaaaaadors of Spain, and their one-time foe, the “Colonizers” from Great Britain, along with some new charter members, the Taliban and ISIS, plus some Christian Crusaders who have already registered for tonight’s event, but who have yet to pay their entrance fee to the NRA.
We are assured, as we speak, that they are returning from the Holy Land with a goodly fortune from the selling of indulgences to the infidels. These ever-dangerous Crusaders should be here momentarily and pay their NRA membership fees, square up with the promoter, Don King, and jump in the affray. Let’s hear it for this lineup of “over the top,” pure pedigree, DNA, NRA charter members of death and destruction… all fighting out of the reeeeeddddd corrrrrnerrrrr!!!
The Second Amendment crowd and their groupies in residence roar with “stage door Johnnie” approval, NRA!!! NRA!!! NRA!!!... as the “rapture” of anticipated violence, death, dismembering and destruction hits a resounding cacophony in an “over the top” crescendo of NRA!!! NRA!!! NRA!!!
Aaaaaaaaaand, nowwwww, fighting out of blue corner, if you even want to call it fightin’, I give you a disparate bunch of pacifists and bleeding-heart liberals, well known for their chicken-hearted failure to stand up with the violence of arms, AR-15s and bump stocks ... those who fail again and again to worry enough about dominating God’s children of color. I now give youuuuu those weak-kneed pacifists ... Jesus of Nazareth, Mahatma Gandhi, the wise and gentlemanly Rabbi Hillel, the always “something to hide” Dalai Lama, who once dodged the Special Prosecutor’s question, “What religion are you???”... by inappropriately responding with the irrelevant answer, “My religion is kindness.” Joining those historical enigmas of non-violence is South Africa’s notorious long-time convict, Nelson Mandela, who appears along with America’s ineffective, “just havin’ a daydream” Reverend, Dr. Martin Luther King, accompanied by his like-minded and just as ineffective preacher, the Reverend Mr. Black, who got knocked on his back by a hard punchin’ lumberjack and, just “turned the other cheek.”
Finally, the last two contestants fighting out of the non-fighting blue corner are that chicken-hearted, draft dodger, the “Champ” aka Muhammad Ali, formerly Cassius Clay, out of Louisville, Kentucky and, last and certainly least, that sweet, but naïve, Pollyanna-ish, Catholic nun who foolishly claims… “the meek will inherit the earth.” All the way from the slums of Calcutta, now Kolkata, I give you the mother of all mothers, Moooootherrrrr, Teeeeerrrrreeeeesa!!!
No discernible response other than few barely audible “amens” and some mumbles about walking through some lonesome valley of their enemies while showing no fear.
National Anthem
Please rise for the National Anthem to be sung by that genius of unending opinions and verbal attacks who calls 16-year-old high schoolers “soulless” because they dare take to the streets to protest against the NRA. I give you the one and only, NRA poster boy and fearless big game hunter who courageously guns down our unarmed whitetail deer friends with his bevy of high-powered rifles. I give you the one and only “Motor City Madman”— Ted (don’t call me Theodore the Chipmunk) Nugent. He will be accompanied on piano and backup vocals by Kid “Made in America” Rock. After the singing of the National Anthem by the dynamic duo of the “Tedster” and the “Kidster,” the blue corner will give you the loser song of all time by John “just trying to give peace a chance” Lennon.
And the winner?
Damn it. I fell asleep during the first round. But, as I eventually awake and the fog of battle lifts, I see that Vince McMahon’s verbal assault of the night before has left me shipwrecked on some desolate island in the Caribbean, surrounded by 30 or 40, six inch tall Lilliputians who have traded in their miniature bow and arrows of yesterday for the real life AR-15s of today.
Now!!! That’s what I’m talkin’ about.
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Fred Lauck is a longtime trial lawyer and author of The Fightin’ Irish of Detroit, Fightin’ in the Streets... Fightin’ in the Courts (An American Story); Wealth Power Politics Jesus; and Children of the Greatest Generation.
