Karen Natzel, BridgeTower Media Newswires
There’s a reason the TV sitcom “The Office” and the “Dilbert” cartoon strip resonate with us: these iconic works use satire to expose or criticize decisions, judgments or vices in the workplace. They pinpoint, in exaggerated or outrageous ways, relatable office dynamics and dysfunctions. They serve as a humorous relief valve to cope with inevitable work stress, but they can also reinforce a resignation to the drama that seeps into so many company cultures.
Before we totally trash drama, consider this definition: “exciting, emotional or unexpected series of events or circumstances.” This could equate to a lively discussion that ignites creative solutions, or a new global business opportunity, or a provocative challenge that inspires a breakthrough in how work is delivered. The business world is full of healthy emotions, surprises, excitement, and twists and turns that can yield a plethora of positive outcomes.
Navigating the sea of business challenges can be both rewarding and incredibly frustrating. How we do it can make the difference between an organization built on respect, collaboration and commitment, and one plagued by disruptive drama.
When workplace woes turn toxic
When drama shifts from being a source of exhilaration to a force of negativity, it becomes destructive instead of creative. Destructive drama undermines our focus, effectiveness and trust, thereby damaging relationships.
Take a quick inventory. Are any of the following attitudes or behaviors showing up at your workplace?
• Gossip, venting, complaining, participating in the rumor mill (aka watercooler conversations).
• Passive-aggressive behavior (e.g., mixed messages, lack of directness or clarity, nonverbal negativity, stubbornness, procrastination, resistance, avoidance).
• Assumption of bad intent (i.e., attributing negative intent to an action or behavior, without seeking clarification from the source).
• Feeling personally attacked or disrespected then retreating instead of addressing it directly with the appropriate person.
• Avoidance of people and specific conversations.
• Use of one’s position of power/authority to declare an edict.
• Giving a co-worker the silent treatment.
• Refusal to share important communications, progress reports or concerns.
• Participation in reactionary and irritated email exchanges.
• Finger-pointing.
• Playing the victim or martyr.
Now, consider the impact of these destructive ways of thinking and behaving. Cy Wakeman, author of “No Ego,” states, “The average worker spends 2.5 hours per day distracted by drama.” Whatever the drama factor is in your organization, it’s clearly unhealthy and unproductive and can potentially cripple a culture. It’s also exhausting. If left unattended, you will lose valuable employees.
From destructive drama to constructive engagement
Oftentimes I hear frustrated business leaders express statements that are assumptions rather than observable facts. One might say, “She doesn’t respect me” instead of “I feel disrespected when…” Or “He doesn’t care about this” or “They don’t value my role” instead of “He hasn’t followed through on his task” or “They bypass me when making decisions for which I should be consulted.” Challenging our assumptions out loud with the actual individual can be the quickest and cleanest way to clear up unnecessary drama. This is especially true when we are making negative assumptions about someone’s intent or motives.
I asked Laura Mounce, a senior project administrator known for her straightforward management style, how she navigates workplace drama. Her answer, true to form, was simple and direct: “Don’t invite it.” In other words, don’t make room for it, don’t engage in it and don’t tolerate it.
Don’t neglect to have the conversation. When disruptive drama shows up, courageously address it directly, transparently and respectfully. My clients hear me say repeatedly, “Have the conversation” — the real one … the honest, deep one … the kind of conversation that could actually transform your beliefs. Conversations of this magnitude are a meaningful exchange that facilitates awareness and resolution of issues, as well as a genuine deepening of the relationship. This is a critical building block for a robust, thriving culture.
Take full accountability. Choosing to be personally accountable quickly erodes the ego’s drive to be right or its fear of making mistakes. It also models and invites similar attitudes and behaviors from others.
Identify your own fingerprints. What are you doing (or not doing) that might be unintentionally fostering the drama?
Pause to reflect. When you catch yourself participating in the drama, what’s your motivation? When and why do you get hooked? What are you gaining from it (even if it’s short-term)?
Approaches for success
In the effort to eradicate dangerous drama by having the conversation and taking full accountability, practice these approaches in engaging the team:
• Ask good, open-ended questions and be passionately curious about the answers.
• Listen in a way that you learn something new.
• Say what needs to be said. Speak your truth, share your perspective, expectations or concerns directly.
• Be inclusive.
• Be transparent.
• Pay attention to any strong emotional reactions and choose your response.
• Be empathetic. Seek to understand someone’s perspective and demonstrate that you understand where he or she is coming from.
• Identify where you might have resistance and how that shows up. (e.g., change, perceived threat, discomfort, conflict, vulnerability, stress)
When you embrace the excitement, emotions and unexpected events as opportunities, you can transform your workplace woes into a source of strength and resiliency, without the negative side effects of drama.
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Karen Natzel is a business therapist who helps leaders create healthy, vibrant and high-performing organizations. Contact her at rx@biztherapy.biz.
