Typing Out Loud
Whenever I have to hold down a power button to shut off a device I feel like I’m choking the life out of it and watching it die.
The Democrats won the house and the next day I didn’t see one march, one fire, one ugly naked woman screaming at the sky. Republicans appear to be way more stable than the left.
If an identical twin goes missing the Missing Person poster must be really annoying for the other twin.
From a crab’s perspective fish are birds and birds are even better birds.
Saying you’re going to give 110% is saying you aren’t going to be held back by your understanding of math.
Blasey-Ford got over a million dollars in private donations for falsely accusing Justice Kavanaugh of inappropriate behavior. Those donators must be feeling quite idiotic right about now.
And what about those women wailing and clawing at the Supreme Court doors? That’s going to be a tough one to live down.
“Hey, didn’t I see you on TV trying to pry open six-inch thick locked doors with your fingertips?”
“No.”
“I can see slivers.”
“No you can’t.”
Washing your hands is basically your hands washing each other while you stare at them like a creep.
A pregnant woman has twice as many bones as a regular woman.
Growing a really nice beard is kinda like working out, you do it to pick up girls but it’s mostly guys that notice.
Smart people use birth control and dumb people don’t so natural selection is actually backfiring.
Being rich is like always having a fully charged phone and being poor is like having 2% and scrambling to find a charger.
You can actually switch someone’s breathing from automatic to manual just by saying it.
So let me get this straight; millions of people fled California because the liberal government has made the state unlivable. So the Californians move to Texas and immediately elect politicians who promise to impose the same policies that destroyed the state that the voters just left. That’s some A-1 thinking there.
Whenever there’s an election they make a big deal about “firsts.” First Lieutenant Governor born without a foot, first openly gay Secretary of State, first Latin Attorney General with early onset retinitis pigmentosa, etc. Is there actually a book somewhere where this stuff is written down or are we just supposed to accept these statements as true?
Printed by permission of the author. Email him at Lorenzatlarge@aol.com.Get Tracy’s latest book at BarnesandNoble.com or Amazon.com, or download it from www.fastpencil.com.
Only $3.99, cheap.
