Rudolph
Well, I believe the wall has officially been hit in the world of political correctness, now the liberals are offended by two of my favorite Christmas TV shows: “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” and “A Charlie Brown Christmas.” Here’s how I remember those shows.
I’d come in after ice skating in the backyard or sledding in the dunes or making snow forts with The Schaaby and Mark Crandall, kick off my bread-bag lined boots, eat some chili and settle in for the night. “Rudolph” would come on, the one with Burl Ives the singing snowman, and my mom would make some Jiffy Pop.
The stop-action photography didn't bother me, I could follow the story, I felt compassion for the toys sent to an island because they were misfits because, well, misfits were who I hung out with and I embraced their misfitiness. I liked how Yukon Jack would lick his pickax to see if he’d struck gold and then say “nothin’” when there was no gold to taste. I liked Hermey the Elf who didn’t want to make toys because he wanted to be a dentist and I was scared by “The Bumble” (a monster loosely based on the Abominable Snowman) and was actually kind of happy when Yukon Jack shoved him off a cliff.
I liked the innocent flirting between Rudolph and Clarice because I could identify with the innocence (I’m talking to you Donna Halloran and Sally Patoprsty), and I was even relieved to find out that The Bumble bounced and didn’t die after all. Heck, I even liked the commercial where Santa rode on a Gillette razor, electric razors had just hit the mainstream so the whole concept was kinda groovy.
At no time did it occur to me that Santa was a bully, Hermy was a “psychopath with a creepy obsession with dentistry” or that the Island of Misfit Toys was created to shun those with abnormalities. I don’t think my little impressionable mind was scarred by “Rudolph” in the least.
Then came “A Charlie Brown Christmas,” how dare they show a Christmas cartoon that actually talked about Christ and even contained a bible verse.
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
“A Charlie Brown Christmas” was HUGE with Catholics (of which I am one); “Charlie Brown” the newspaper comic was just hitting its stride and I don’t think kids nowadays have any idea how popular it was. If you went to a private Catholic school you saw a ton of felt banners with Snoopy and Woodstock sewn on beneath inspirational sayings. It was all about loving your fellow man, man.
I laughed at Snoopy because I loved my dog Sam, I dug the dance scene because they danced badly like me, and I must admit I got a little emotional when CB brought home his pathetic tree. I could even identify with Lucy’s unrequited attraction to Schroeder (I’m talking to you Donna Halloran and Sally Patoprsty).
What those two shows did was give me a sense of peace. Okay, I grew up in a house without violence, without want, and without a hint of bigotry so sue me. I was around when these shows were new and both helped weave my childhood so lay off them, okay.
It seems today’s society actually goes out looking to be offended. If you lack any sort of skill but still want attention then being a full-time victim is one way to get eyes pointed your way and that’s fine but leave my stuff alone. All this screaming into the air is ruining my Christmas vibe, dude, and quite frankly leaves me feeling a bit ... frosty.
Printed by permission of the author. Email him at Lorenzat large@aol.com.
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