Karen Natzel, BridgeTower Media Newswires
Knowing how to manage, inspire, support, direct, mentor and engage one’s staff is a demanding job. I sense managers’ unspoken fears and assumptions: I must coddle this person to motivate him or her; or walk on eggshells so as not to offend; or manipulate to get the results I want; or perhaps worse yet, not have the difficult conversation at all, believing the person can’t handle it.
This belief system is a hotbed for failed communications and a drama-filled workplace. When we are overly tentative or avoid confrontation, we breed a culture of disrespect, confusion and distrust.
A definition of coddling is “to treat indulgently, to baby.” In the context of organizations, I define “coddling” as not holding team members accountable. Coddling of this sort is both disrespectful and cowardly. I recognize that’s a strong statement. Let me explain.
Culture drives performance and leaders set the tone. When leaders fail to orchestrate a culture of accountability, the ability to manage performance is compromised. Coddling avoids the leader’s responsibilities of cultivating people and driving results. Having accountable conversations with peers, direct reports and bosses are tough but necessary for progress. Coddling also interferes with future leaders’ ability to excel. Even coddling just one employee is detrimental because when doing so for just one violates a key performance indicator of organizational health: the sense of fairness. This often creates a perception of favoritism.
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Why and how do we coddle?
Let’s admit it: some people are difficult to deal with. Coddling them is way easier than confronting them. And most people want to avoid unpredictable and uncertain conversations. However comfortable a predictable conversation may be, it rarely ignites a change in behavior or thinking.
When we don’t have the conversation we need to have, either through avoidance or by sugarcoating the message, we are wavering in our commitments. When we send a team email about an issue that only one person on the team needs to address, we risk our credibility as leaders. Good management is not based in manipulation and murky conversations, but in honest dialogue. Willingness to have the necessary conversations conveys respect (holding them capable of handling it) and care for them (a willingness to invest the time and energy to develop them). If it’s cloaked in passive-aggressiveness, it’s not demonstrating respect and care.
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How do you show you care?
Caring isn’t coddling, but it can be empathetic. Empathy, the capacity to vicariously experience what others think and feel, is a powerful trait to learn for someone seeking to be an effective, authentic leader. It gives a person standing to make space for the case and manage for results. It’s not about giving lip service to an employee’s concerns; it’s actually listening to what he or she has to say and creating an agreement to deliver on defined goals. It becomes a collaborative exchange about how to create a successful outcome.
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What’s your leadership style?
I believe it’s invaluable to understand and continually shape one’s leadership style. When I work with my clients to define their style, I ask questions such as: “What do you want to be known for?” and “How do you see yourself?” and “What do you stand for?” On a recent coaching call, a general manager told me her leadership style is “compassionate but results-driven.” She is definitely both. However, I challenged her on using the word “but.” It implies that a compassionate manager can’t be results-driven. One is not at the expense of the other; they can exist concomitantly. So, she now instead describes herself as “compassionate and results-driven.”
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Caring isn’t coddling
There can be immense pride and satisfaction from a job well done. When employees are coddled, they are not challenged. Don’t rob them of the reward of hard work, overcoming obstacles, pulling one’s weight on a team, having a breakthrough, or nailing an assignment. Often, the joy of the win is proportional to the effort one puts into it.
Stop coddling, start caring, and start driving results. Hold each other accountable to the shared goals you’ve committed to. What conversations have you avoided? What needs to be discussed? What new agreement will you make? Remember, how a leader shows up sets the tone. Consider adapting the following methods into your leadership style:
• Ask others’ opinions, especially on matters that affect them.
• Show up on time and prepared for meetings others are leading.
• Be willing to have difficult conversations with your team. Have the conversation you need to have, now.
• Giving feedback is not optional. Employees are hungry for it. Build it into daily conversations. When both positive and constructive feedback are given, one builds a culture of accountability, respect, trust, collaboration and growth. Also, expectations are being articulated by the feedback given.
• Give the team the appropriate amount of freedom and responsibility.
• Know what team members care about in and out of work.
• Listen. When a team member has a suggestion, don’t be quick to dismiss it. Ask him or her to share more. Dig deeper to really understand where he or she is coming from.
Your job is to grow leaders. Care deeply – just please don’t coddle. Your culture will thank you!
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Karen Natzel is a business therapist who helps leaders create healthy, vibrant and high-performing organizations. Contact her at 503-806-4361 or karen@natzel.net.
