Fred Cavaiani
Two mass shootings in two days. Last Saturday and Sunday we were again pushed into shock and grieving by the mass shootings in El Paso, Texas, and Dayton, Ohio. We want someone to blame. We want this fixed so innocent people are not massacred. There have been 252 incidents of mass killings of four or more in 2019; 281 people have been killed and 1,032 people have been shot by firearms. This will continue to happen.
The emotional maturity of young people is much different than it was years ago. A steady diet of television violence doesn’t help for emotional growth. Consistent bombardment of physical and emotional violence on gaming apps does not contribute to more kindness and empathy toward others. The violent games kids play on their iPad, cell phones, and whatever other electronic devices from four years old to adulthood can be very damaging. It can dull emotional and empathic sensitivity toward others.
We are now living in a culture where impulse control is at a minimum. We also live in a country where firearms are readily available for almost everyone. We readily give free access to firearms to people under the Second Amendment excuse of being able to defend ourselves. We can keep doing this. But we will keep having more killings. When weapons are put in the hands of all citizens, we put everyone in jeopardy. It is like giving five-year-old children a firearm to use as they see fit. Many people are very responsible with firearms. But to have easy access to firearms without a thorough background check is just ridiculous.
It is not more mental health clinics that will solve this problem. It is an honest admission that a country that is so used to instant replay and instant gratification will continue to be violent if firearms are so easily accessible. When we witness negativity toward other people and personal attacks on other people from those who politically represent us, it only fosters the flames of anger and insecurity in those who need an enemy in their life.
Then we have religions: Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, and many others which all find an excuse for allowing violence and war to happen. We use a God of Peace and Love to justify violence and killing. What a contradiction!
All of this is a background for promoting more killings. Again, the movements that stopped killings have been non-violent movements. Religion that promotes love and non-violence has a powerful, positive influence on people.
We are blinded by power and money and we easily justify almost anything. Can there really be a justification for nuclear weapons? Can there be a justification for murder? Can there be a justification for allowing firearms to be so readily accessible for all?
We are afraid to disarm ourselves personally and let go of any weapons that will harm others. These weapons are negativity, personal criticisms, hatred, bigotry, anger and self-righteousness. When we engage in these personal weapons we contribute to the demise of our world and the fostering of actions that cause so much grief.
What can I do to make the world a safer place to live? What can I do to make my corner of the world a safe and loving harbor?
I can disarm myself by always being kind and loving to everyone. My greatest weapon will be to treat you with more love and kindness even if it means giving up my life. When you come at me with weapons of hate and criticism or weapons of personal destruction, I will come at you with a weapon of love and open arms. I will be killed but my life will then mean something and have a profound effect upon you and everyone else.
What I need to live a good life is to bring more love to others. What I need in religion is to believe in a God that is always loving and caring and wants me to be the same. What I don’t need is a justification to kill others.
I don’t need a justification for nuclear weapons. What I don’t need is to walk through life based on fear that someone might kill me. I need to walk through life based on the fundamental principle that I will bring more love to others no matter what the consequences will be.
All of this sounds so idealistic and unreal. That is true. But if I am going to live a life that brings inner peace then my life must be a life of love for all, regardless of personal consequences. I must lay down all my weapons and bring you more love regardless of whether you are deserving of it or not. I must do this with everyone and especially with those of my own family and personal friends. My corner of the universe must be filled with love by my presence. I must always be open to love and always be open to a loving God. Both will keep me on a path of love and kindness. You don’t have to love me. You don’t have to like me. But I will always love you and reach out to you with compassion and love. Telling you how bad you are will not help you and will not help me. But being kind and compassionate to you will help both of us. I am always inspired by the quotations: “God is love” and “Love one another as i have loved you.”
I am so often baffled by the hateful outpourings of people about others. L Brooks Patterson just died. I think he was a man of integrity though I may not have agreed with all his viewpoints. But some of the things that were expressed about him are just so sad to read. Verbal expressions of hate send out negativity into the world. Compassionate expressions of love send out a positive energy into the world. In this age of open communication, I think we all need to drop our weapons of hate, personal attacks and negativity. I think we need to start a movement of love and positivity and consistently send this out to everyone.
I am grieving over the recent killings. But I will continue to bring more love into my corner of the world. It is what life is all about: Love. We do not need bigger guns. We need bigger hearts. A kind and loving heart is the best antidote for violence.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com.
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