The benefits of silence
By Fred Cavaiani
Quietness with God is very peaceful. It brings wisdom to heart and mind. But to realize the benefits of silence, one must consistently reserve the time to be silent with God. I have been on this planet for many years. I have listened to the inner struggles of men and women for more than 45 years. Those who take daily quiet time with God each day seem to embrace their inner struggles much more quickly than those who don’t. The healing process begins in a more profound manner because the daily silence allows awareness of internal conflicts and internal joys to surface quickly. There becomes an internal dependence upon God which helps restore an inner confidence and a willingness to be loving and kind toward others.
In the midst of daily silence, the uselessness of hanging on to anger becomes very clear. Inner resentments towards others begins to seem like a waste and awkward. Humility and compassion for others surfaces. Love and kindness can surface and take hold of a person in a deeper manner. Healing starts taking place because a person can now embrace their hidden hurts.
Yet many people are afraid to be quiet for any length of time. It is a human fear we all have. We all have many negative and judgmental feelings towards our inner selves. We try to block these feelings by being more active and productive. Slowing down seems like a strange concept as if it is a waste of time.
Each morning I sit for an hour either in my home or in my office, just being quiet and spending time reading something very slowly, which lifts my heart to God. It is very peaceful. It is energizing. Amazing feelings and insights about life, love and God seem to happen to me at these times.
I often wonder what would happen if meditation was taught at a very early age and explained how necessary this is to have an abundant, internal life.
In my articles here in the “Counselor’s Corner,” I realize that I often repeat this sacred principle of inner silence. I write a daily meditation and send it to many people. So many of these reflections are about inner silence with God. It is a fundamental psychological and spiritual value of life that I am totally convinced is an essential ingredient to have a joyful and meaningful life.
At this last quarter of my life I often recall my childhood. I would often wander the woods in quiet reflection. Life around me in those days could be painful and difficult, but this quiet time in the woods always seemed to calm me down. Then as I studied spirituality and psychology for many years, I became more aware of the importance of daily silence with God. However, it wasn’t until my early forties that the importance of daily meditation became personally meaningful to me. I realized how powerless I was without a humble and profound relationship with a God in my life. I had to face my own inner brokenness and my own proud ego, which I would never admit to myself. This propelled me into a daily inner silence with God and a willingness to share my inner self with others. I could face and embrace my brokenness. In facing this, my pride and quiet pompousness began to fade away. This all happened because I started taking daily quiet time in prayer and meditation. Everything I had learned before this made sense. The principles l had learned entered my heart and not just my head. I began to realize that all progress in life must start with a humble awareness of self and not a pompous desire to be better than everyone else. The more I became quiet with God each day, the more peace and compassion I began to feel. The more I experienced God in these quiet times, the more a humble awareness of self would lead me to be more loving and compassionate toward everyone.
This past week a friend of mine died, a woman of 87 years, who was always kind, loving and compassionately direct and open toward everyone. There were so many people from many different walks of life at her wake and her funeral. Everyone there felt loved by Bridget. This woman was always loving and positive. I think everyone at the funeral was having the same feeling: “I want to be like Bridget.” I believe that her inner strength came from her willingness to be quiet, open and humble with God through many hours of silence with God.
I know many wonderful people. There is a quality in these men and women which always inspires me: their willingness to be quiet and silent and spent quiet time with the God of their understanding. In these men and women, they do not judge or condemn others. They simply are kind and loving to all. They don’t try to convert anyone. They just keep loving everyone. In this humble loving of everyone, people discover an experience of something very profound and loving. I think this experience becomes an experience of God.
If I can consistently keep taking quiet time each day in meditation and reflection, I think I can become an instrument for more peace and love in this world. Have a great day. Daily silence has tremendous benefits.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com.
