We now live in a culture where personal attacks on the character and personality of another person seem almost normal. The leaders of our country have no hesitation in personally attacking anyone who disagrees with them. Whether a person is Democrat or Republican, it seems quite ordinary and acceptable to personally attack one another. I am amazed at the personal attacks I read on Facebook. Social media now seems to be a way of personally attacking people with no proof or substance. Social media has increased the best parts of mankind but has also increased the worst parts of mankind. A person can be portrayed as very good one day and then be portrayed as a very bad person the very next day. Politics and political leaders are certainly not saints. What is happening from the president of the United States down to the least known person in the country is that negative attacks and personal assassinations of another person’s character, with absolutely no foundation in reality, is now permissible and acceptable.
None of this helps bring peace to a troubled world. We cannot change what other people decide to do. But we can forge a peaceful path with those who surround us on a daily basis.
This peaceful path in our small part of the world can eventually expand but it must begin with each of us. How does a person find peace and how does a person bring peace to others?
The first way to foster peace is to first take quiet time each day with ourselves sitting quietly, meditating and listening to the gentle whisperings of God, whomever God might be for us. In real life there is no communication if I am not listening to the other person. When I carefully listen to another person and when I carefully listen to God my own ego is reduced in size. I begin to face my own conflicts and insecurities in a most honest and peaceful manner.
The second way to foster peace is to look upon everyone and everything with a sense of love, respect and gratitude. When I look at you, I realize that you are loved by God and are loveable. When I see everything in creation, I see it as coming from a power, a God with much design and energy. There is a profound wisdom and energy in everything. The words of Elizabeth Barret Browning are so true: “Earth’s filled with heaven and every common bush afire with God. He who sees takes off his shoes. The rest sit round and pluck blackberries.” Peace results when I walk through life with a sense of humility and respect for everyone. It can be difficult to be humble but it is so necessary. I was asked the other day to give someone a letter of “good standing” because I will be going there to make a presentation to a group of people. Internally I felt so offended and took this personally. My humility went right out the window. Then a I found out that a good friend was also asked for a similar letter when he made a presentation to this group. It made me realize that I have a lot to work on and will always have a lot to work on. As many people might say, “There is a God and it is not me.” As a friend of mine once said: “I am not the great I AM.” I must realize this more also.
The third way to foster peace is to live a life of service to others. It means to be willing to help others by affirming words and positive actions. A life spent in service to others becomes an opening up of our hearts and minds to experience the goodness in life.
A fourth way to foster peace is called “letting go” of all resentments and judgments of others. Nelson Mandela, who was imprisoned unjustly for years in South Africa, stated as he was being released from prison after so many years: “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.” This wise man knew that the world would only become better by treating people with love and forgiveness rather than by judging and condemning.
When we are loving and kind to others, we send out such a positive atmosphere into the world. When we use a Bible, a holy book, or whatever else might seem holy to us to condemn others, then something is amiss. Whatever God we might believe in, any perception of God as angry or condemning only fosters more divisiveness in the world. God invites everyone to be more loving and caring. God is never condemning but only inviting. We should be the same way.
I always remember the story of Martin Luther King, Jr. in one of his marches. A man came out of the crowds and burned the cheek of one of the marchers with a lighter. The man never complained and forgave the man instantly and looked at him with love and compassion. A few minutes later the man joined the Freedom March.
We all need these four principles to live a happy and peaceful life. When we personally live a life of meditation, love and respect for all, service of others and letting go, amazing things will happen inside and outside of us. We become a persistent positive influence for everyone and we bring a positive, loving influence into the world.
The most peaceful people are the most reflective, humble and loving but for anyone to remain this way the above four principles must become priorities. It is easy to say in an article such as this, but it is too easy to minimize and procrastinate these principles for another day. Let’s stop procrastinating so we can make our corner of the world a much better place.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com.
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