Fred Cavaiani
Life can be very stressful. The Coronavirus is unsettling. The political world in an election year creates tension and confusion. It is difficult to hear about so many deaths from shootings. The political antagonism and political character attacks by both parties do not create confidence. The minimizing of climate change and ignoring the warnings of scientists about this is disturbing to most people. Divorce rates are still high. Respect for public school teachers is low at a time when we need good teachers more than ever. Concern about money is a huge issue for so many. Every family knows someone who has a serious disease. The news will tell us of the latest crime or tragedy. Facebook posts will tell us good things and then show us what we must worry about next. Life seems so filled with stress and something else we must worry about. And kids in grade schools and high schools are so often cyberbullied. Having six grandchildren from high school to six years old helps me to realize this. The definition of stress is “a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances.” This definition certainly sums up the present day. How do we deal with all of this?
I think silent reflection is the answer. I also think that the awareness of one day and one moment at a time is the answer. In daily silence with meditation and listening to God we learn to become calm and open with ourselves. Life is about calmly embracing the present moment and paying attention to this moment with focus and respect and an awareness that it is in this moment I will encounter the divine. This awareness happens when I take enough silent time each day to experience God. This awareness does not mean obsessing over the latest news. It means to take quiet time to listen carefully to the inspirations that will come to us from daily meditation. From this quiet time we get in contact with the wounded parts of ourselves and embrace them. We also begin to realize what is really important in life. Bringing love and kindness to others in a humble manner is really important. Appreciating what is before us in this present moment is very important. Looking for the goodness and positive qualities in others is really important.
I am convinced that the solution for stress is quite easy. Be quiet. Listen to the inspiration that comes to you when you are sitting quietly with the divine. Slowly and attentively focusing on the goodness in everyone and everything reduces stress tremendously.
Peace comes from slowing down and becoming reflective. Stress quickly leaves us when we realize that we don’t have the power to change other people. But I do have the power to be kind and loving toward other people. I do have the power to sit quietly and become more immersed in God. I do have the power to lovingly listen to other people. And I do have the power not to rush into the next moment.
Walking slowly through life and becoming lovingly attentive to everyone and everything is a great stress reliever. It is also the best way to contribute something positive to the world.
Stress comes from worrying about how things outside of me like politics, religion, weather and relationships will turn out. I have no control over this. but I can bring calmness and love into every human interaction. This calmness and love will come from taking an abundance of quiet time in silence each day to listen and experience something deeper than myself.
Since I have been spending at least an hour each day in silence and meditation I have discovered that the day’s events do not disturb me. Today as I am writing this article, I had been on my way in the morning to a gathering. On the way as I was stopped waiting for the light to change to green, a pickup truck banged into me. By the time I had jumped out of the car, the truck had disappeared. Thankfully no damage was done to me or my car. But, at first, I was quite frustrated. Years ago, this would have been a topic for the whole day and I would have felt angry. The truth is that by the time I had made it to the meeting I was attending, I felt calm and relaxed. I have no doubt that this happened because I had first spent time in quiet reflection before I had left our home.
Daily quiet reflection is the best antidote for stress. I am convinced of this and have experienced such peace and tranquility from daily silent time. I used to spend about five or ten minutes of quiet time each day. Increasing this to an hour a day has had tremendous benefits. I have thrown out the excuse I often had used that I was too busy to do this for an hour a day. Now I am convinced that the best antidote for stress is silent daily reflection.
My Italian grandmother used to tell me when I was a young boy, “Freddy, sit still. You are always so busy. It is like you have ants in your pants.” She would be very proud of me today and for the past many years. It is so wonderful to have a solution for stress and busyness.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com.
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