COUNSELOR'S CORNER: Where to put our anger and frustrations

These past couple of weeks have been filled with frustration and tension. Truthfully, anger might be the operative word. COVID 19 is increasing. The departure of troops from Afghanistan and the subsequent causalities of American soldiers and innocent civilians is painful to experience. The fear that must surround the Gulf Coast and the fear of impending disasters from hurricanes, storms and hot weather is so helplessly frustrating. I was vaccinated in February and ended up being a “breakthrough” case and got COVID. Thank God I didn’t get very sick but the quarantine and worrying about my wife and staying quarantined in our humble residence is a very vulnerable experience. Because of my COVID 19 episode we had to postpone my granddaughter’s Quinceneras party which is a big Mexican celebration for a fifteen-year-old girl. My beloved son-in-law is originally from Mexico.

Then there is this ever-present fear in our culture about COVID 19: who might be the next to get infected. So many different opinions about wearing masks, not wearing masks, opposing viewpoints emotionally, politically, spiritually, religiously. Why can’t every one just get on the same page and love one another? Why can’t people be the way I want them to be?

I then think of all the doctors and nurses who work so hard for COVID 19 patients who become so sick and often die. They are there to take care of people who for many different reasons didn’t get vaccinated and they perform loving acts of service to anyone who has COVID regardless of that person’s choice to get vaccinated or not. Sometimes we can just feel like screaming and shouting out: PLEASE, LET THIS ALL STOP.

All of this is a result of feeling powerless and helpless. Once I embrace what I am powerless over and what I am helpless over, I get to a new level of awareness. This new level of awareness becomes an insight into the purpose of life. Everyone is on this planet for a very brief time. We like to think differently but life is quite short. So, what is the purpose of a life? What brings peace into a person’s life?

I have discovered that peace is a result of a deeper experience of a loving God who created me out of love to live forever in peace. I have also discovered that anger and frustration block me from experiencing peace. Love and compassion for everyone opens me up to experiencing Love.

I have also discovered that it is only in this present moment that peace resides. No one has to change and nothing has to change for me to experience the Peace, Love, and Wisdom of God. Only I have to change by becoming more loving and more reflective. I do not have to change anyone but if I love everyone, I create the environment for Love and the environment for peace.

Good doctors and nurses become powerfully effective by their kindness and gentleness toward their patients regardless of the inner attitudes and viewpoints of these patients. As a result, they create the opportunity for a better version of these patients to surface.

Politicians are often not wise or kind. People are often angry and critical. But if I am kind, loving and wise, I put a positive, loving energy into the world which creates a loving atmosphere wherever I might be. Love disarms and lifts people to a higher level of existence. Anger, criticism, condemnations and negative viewpoints bring people into a lower form of existence.

I want to live my short time on this planet in a higher level of existence which I now realize and experience will last forever. I have discovered that quiet time with God and being kind and loving towards everyone really works. Each moment becomes meaningful be it a joyful moment or a painful moment.

Everything I am writing here; I have written in previous articles. Sometimes I realize how often I might be saying the same thing in different ways. But life is really that simple: Open up to a LOVING PRESENCE OF GOD AND BE A LOVING PRESENCE TO OTHER PEOPLE.

Underneath all anger and frustration and tension is this feeling of powerlessness and brokenness. Once I embrace this, I become very open to a deeper experience of God and a deeper experience of the power of Love. And when this begins to happen, I will see goodness all around me. I must never invest in anger, resentments and criticisms of others. I must invest in love, gentle reflection and looking for goodness in everything and everyone. It is never how others should be different or how the world should be different. It is how I should be more receptive to God and more loving to everyone.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage & family therapist and limited licensed psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Michigan. Cavaiani is associate editor and contributing writer for Human Development Magazine. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is FredsCounselorsCorner.com.