By Emmanuel Hospice
Though still shy of 30, Erica Beitel has already had a conversation and drawn up documents in response to “the talk” about end-of-life care and death that many more than twice her age have not or aren’t willing to initiate.
“I had a loved one who was in a car accident,” she explains. “They couldn’t make their own decisions about healthcare. It was an unbelievably tragic episode that put the issue front and center for me.”
Beitel is a social worker for Emmanuel Hospice, placing her in front of people making tough decisions – and often wishing they’d considered their futures earlier.
National Healthcare Decisions Day on April 16 encourages adults of all ages to plan ahead for a health crisis.
“This day is an annual reminder for people to consider making healthcare decisions for a time when they may not be able,” says Beitel, “and that includes everything from making advance care directives to choosing an advocate to honor your decisions about end-of-life care.
“Sometimes the biggest barrier is when patients are ready to opt for the comfort and care route that includes hospice, but the caregiver isn’t on board. They feel the patient is giving up hope, but hope can be redefined and can look different depending on where you are on your journey.”
Beitel also points out people avoid the talk because “it’s a vulnerable space to enter, or you don’t think death or dying is imminent.” Indeed, having a talk about final wishes acknowledges the tough topic of death itself. Even with groundbreaking books like Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ book, “On Death And Dying,” in 1969, which revolutionized the public’s perception of death, many of us avoid the subject.
Beitel notes it’s arguably easier than ever to tackle such challenges, thanks to organizations and websites that exist solely to promote open dialogue, including TheConversationProject.org. The site and others like it provide step-by-step suggestions for how to prompt the conversation, what issues to confront and even where to stage the conversation, such as the kitchen table, at a restaurant or during a walk.
Arrange for an advocate and create directives, with free forms from sites, including CaringInfo.org. Lawyers will also assist, usually for a fee.
“What some family members sometimes don’t realize is that a patient might endure the medical system for so long that they’re just physically spent and want to be home to enjoy what they can of the time they have left – to spend it with family and friends.
“Making that wish, or other wishes, known can prevent an ambiguous situation ahead of time. It’s also a gift to your loved ones. It’s lifting a burden from their shoulders.”
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