Berl Falbaum
A brief satirical respite from our all too debilitating politics…
Periodically, I read Rolling Stone Magazine although I admit, given that I am well into my senior years, I don’t understand the culture or the music the magazine covers.
I do enjoy its articles on politics and, while an advanced senior, I still enjoy learning.
But I noticed something very odd about the musicians: So many have very strange names which, in addition, they don’t know how to spell.
Let’s review a few.
One of the most famous and successful is a guy named Snoop Dogg. Now, Snoop (I hope he doesn’t mind the familiar) can’t spell “dog.”
First, I thought maybe it was a typo but I was wrong because he began his career as Snoop Doggy Dogg. Doggone it, he misspelled “dog” twice and two of his albums -- Doggstyle and Doggfather -- made the same mistake.
He was also known, but briefly, as Snoop Lion but not Snoop Lionn or Snoop Donkeyy or Snoop Zebraa.
But he isn’t the only one who can’t spell “dog.”
There is a duet named Dogg Pound which, obviously, is composed of two “doggs.” Rumors has it they may change their name to Lion Pound.
The Dogg Pound touts what it calls an extended family named Dogg Pound Gangsta Chicc. It misspells “dog” and “gangster;” I have no idea what “chicc” stands for.
From time to time, my research revealed, the Pound had a member named Lil’ ½ Dead. The adjective “lil’” I assume is used to describe being half dead although that may be somewhat self-evident and redundant.
Then there is a very beautiful rapper named Megan Thee Stallion. I learned she graduated from Texas Southern University with a degree in health administration. Sadly, during her studies, she did not learn how to spell, “the.”
The spelling problem is not limited to artists in the U.S. I read much about a Canadian singer-song writer named Weeknd. I wondered whether before he adopted Weeknd he considered “Tsday,” “Wdnsday” or any other day of the week.
Israel has a rapper named The Big Fishi also, at times, spelled Fishy, with a “y.” The transliteration from the Hebrew is Fishi(y) Ha-Gadol, Hagadol, or HaGadol. To which I say, Hallelujah, or Halleluja or Halleluya (with a “y”).
I can’t cover all the misspellings of these stars in this column but here are some others:
• Ghostface Killah. He might call rapper Killer Mike who spelled “killer” correctly.
• Ludacris which is just ludicrous.
• Fabolous which is not fabulous at all.
• Big Boi who not only has trouble with “boy” but he was a member of a group called Outkast which informs that it is sometime called OutKast, misspelled but with a capital “k.” So there is some concern in Big Boi’s world with punctuation and spelling.
But spelling is not the only problem among these artists. Consider 50 Cent. That’s just poor grammar. His name should be 50 Cents (plural). In June, he changed his name to 85 Cent to adjust for the rate of inflation. But that’s an increase of 70 percent when inflation only increased 8.5 percent as of July. So, he should call himself 54.25 Cents or 54.2 for short. I assume he will change his name regularly as inflation fluctuates.
I don’t want to forget Machine Gun Kelly. Machine Gun, if you’re reading this column, I really like your stuff. And I’m not just saying that. You’re at the top of my list. I like your rat-a-tat sound.
Everyone once in a while I just read all the names to see which ones are the most fabolous and ludacris.
Here are some of my favorites:
Nas, also known as Nas Escobar or Nasty Nas; Run-DMC or Run-D.M.C. (with periods); Kool G Rapp (no period after middle initial); GZA, also known as The Genius; AZ (that’s it); Q-Tip (oh well, we can’t all be creative); Twist, formerly Tung Twister, (again a misspelling but sorta cute); Bubba Sparxxx (with three x’s please); Johnny 3 Tears (a member of the Hollywood Undead, meaning alive); Lil Xan and Lil Peep (not related); and a guy named 360 (we are advised it’s pronounced “three sixty” not three hundred and sixty. I assume “Three” is his first name).
I especially like KRS-One which stands for “Knowledge Reigns Supreme Over Nearly Everyone.” Who could not figure that out from the name? Makes perfect sense to me.
Then there is a rapper named LL Cool J. That, I learned, stands for Ladies Love Cool James. From now on, I asked my wife to call me LL Cool BF, but she told me I wasn’t cool.
I also like Ye, like in “Ye, sure, no problem.” That’s now the name for Kanye West, whom I had heard of. He had his name changed legally to “Ye.” Ye, that’s right.
At one time he considered changing his name to “Christian Genius Billionaire Kanye West (ye, that’s true) but the secretary of state people told him that would not fit on his driver’s license.
Incidentally, names mentioned in this column don’t even begin to tell the story. If you are interested doing your Ph.D. paper on rappers’ names, there are many lists --- from the best to the worst --- on the Internet.
To conclude in the language of Snoop and his buddies:
I don’t know much about rappin,’
What I have heard I find unsettling,’
The words, to me, are much too sleazy,
And leaves the average parent full of worry.
It all has a negative aura,
What happened to Mary Poppins and Nessun dorma.*
*Nessun dorma is not the name of a rapper.
The most exotic nickname I ever had was when I was growing up in a Jewish community, they called me “boychick,” an endearing Jewish term for a young lad. It was usually invoked by sweet grandmothers who would pinch your cheek.
Maybe I could have made millions as a rapper if I only had spelled it
“Boi-chickkkk.”
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Berl Falbaum is a veteran journalist and author of 12 books.
