Fred Cavaiani
What do you feel when someone looks at you in a kind way? Remember what you felt the last time someone affirmed you with positive words. From birth until death, everyone seeks kind words and affirmation. Babies need to be held with warmth and tenderness. A baby needs to experience warm and gentle words. When a baby is held in a relaxed and gentle manner, the baby experiences a sense of well-being and safety. This is what each of us needs throughout our whole life.
When kindness surrounds us, we emotionally thrive. When we feel kindness emanating from another person toward us, we feel good and experience a loving security that will stay with us throughout the day.
Have you ever been around another person who is critical and condemning about other people? When you hear this, your inner feelings will be wondering when this person’s condemning attitudes will be turned toward you. Whenever I express negativity, the people around me will be negatively affected by me and will want to withdraw from me in order to feel emotionally safe. This is something that we can easily minimize. When negativity in words, actions and thoughts are directed at us, kindness and love disappear, pain and fear become strong. We need to hear kind words and love being directed at us.
If I connect with another person through criticizing others, this connection will not bring us closer to each other. But if I connect with you through kind words and actions, we both become better people and we create in our little corner of the world a loving and safe harbor of love.
Kindness has more power than criticism and complaining. As I look back over my life, I realize that every time if have been critical about someone else, I have never felt good about being critical. But every time I have been kind and affirming toward someone else, I have found myself looking for the goodness in others and this has helped me to feel even more kind and loving. And every time I feel kind and loving, I open myself up more to God and to Love. It is amazing how such a simple principle of kindness to others can help me to have more cracks in my emotional armor which can then allow loving and positive feelings to enter into my psyche and my soul.
Go through the day with kind words toward everyone and kind thoughts toward others. Your whole body and psyche will begin to relax.
Humble and loving people often are very relaxed and peaceful. They are not concerned about how other people think about them but are only concerned about loving others and looking for goodness in others.
I would love to see a television channel that would only be concerned about affirming, praising and loving people. I don’t think my future will be in establishing this channel on television. But I do believe that my life and my present moment can always be a positive channel of pouring more love and affirmation into the world and to those in my presence.
Think of the people that bring you joy being in their presence. That joy is the result of feeling loved and affirmed. People who lovingly welcome you with a kind word, a warm hug, and positive remarks create a loving connection with you. Few words may be spoken but the words are always loving and positive. The facial expressions of kind people are usually smiling and welcoming.
The power of kindness will reduce the power of negativity. This is a simple but accurate principle. Speak only kind and affirming and loving words to people. You will experience a positive depth in your life.
I have met many positive and kind teachers in my life. We have a family where we have four teachers and seven grandchildren and because of this I have met many teachers who are kind and positive. When I am in their presence I experience the power of kindness and simply feel uplifted and have a desire to be more loving and positive.
You can change the world. I can change the world. It simply takes a realization of the power of kindness. I want my words, my actions, my thoughts and my facial expressions to always radiate love and kindness. And I must compliment the editors of the many different Legal News newspapers. They have always treated me with kindness for 23 years. What a blessing and what a marvelous power of goodness and kindness.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com.
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