Fred Cavaiani
As I look over my life, I remember the positive and loving people who are still in my heart. Many have died but as I remember them, their love and kindness still influence me to be a better person. People who are loving and positive create a sense of joy and love. In this last week four people died that I have known over the years. Three were priests who were always loving and cheerful. Two were religious Capuchin Brothers who brought joy and peace to everyone who came into their presence. Some of them I have known for more than fifty years. Then I also have some friends whose parents have died and in their grief they have happy and loving memories of their father and mother and remember the goodness and kindness of their parents.
We may not realize it, but when we are loving and positive toward everyone in our words and actions, we leave a positive influence on the world. When someone is negative and critical toward others, it does not uplift my spirit. And if I join that person in being critical, I am simply pouring more negativity into the world. But if I lovingly speak positively and kindly, I help that person disengage in their critical attitude.
Looking over my life and being grateful for all the loving and positive people in my life is such a gift. Every time someone treats me in a kind manner, I feel uplifted. Every time I treat someone else in a kind and affirming manner, I will feel uplifted.
Every person wants to be loved and affirmed. When I sit in our living room each evening, our little dog Daisy wants to sit either on my wife’s lap or my lap to feel this loving connection. It keeps her calm and contented. She feels loved.
Loving and positive people change the world into a more loving planet. Critical people put into other people negativity. A loving and kind person can help people look for goodness and motivate others to speak kindly and positively. As I remember all the positive people in my life, I feel a sense of gratitude. It also helps me to realize and be sorry for the times I have been negative in thoughts, words and actions. Never again. I find myself at this point in my life to speak only positively and refrain from expressing negative thoughts or feelings. Even when watching television at home, I want to say something negative about someone I might see on television, I now do not express a negative comment because I realize it helps no one. I then discover an inner freedom within myself.
Think of the members of your family who act in a loving manner. It is a joy to be in their presence. I have a brother and sister-in-law who pour out love to people. I have cousins who are very loving and kind. My brother and sister-in-law have had family reunions at their home for many years and now that they have sold it, my cousin and his wife have continued this loving tradition. To remember these reunions is to recall a loving and positive presence where love was all around us.
Positive people keep looking for goodness and keep speaking with words of love and kindness. As I am typing this article I feel a sense of love and kindness toward everyone. When feelings like this surface, I must embrace them and be grateful. Positive people look for goodness in each moment. I never have to invest in how other people should be or how the world should be. That puts me into a negative state of existence. My investment should be in how I can be more kind and loving toward everyone. No one and nothing have to change for me to become a more loving, kind and spiritual person. This awareness brings an inner freedom in this present moment.
It is easy to become negative and critical. But it never helps anyone. Love motivates people to do better. Positive thoughts and words inspire people to look for goodness and don’t fan the fire of negative people’s angry remarks and actions.
I believe that a positive and loving attitude in thoughts, words and actions keeps me uplifted and brings me into a new awareness of the joy of being loving and kind. This connects me with God and connects me to the goodness in people and life. Goodness is all around me. But I must become goodness so I can see and experience goodness. Happiness in this short stay on this planet will happen when I am positive and loving. And then it brings me into an awareness that this will last forever.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com.
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