By Fred Cavaiani
To be quiet and reflective can seem to be a lost mode of living. Cell phones can be very helpful in keeping our mind active but cell phones can become a great distraction from going through life in a reflective manner and also in an emotionally connected manner with other people. The other day I was in Panera to get a coffee and sandwich. I looked across at the other booth and there were four teenagers eating but not one was looking at the other or talking to their buddies. Each one was on their phone with no conversation going on. Maybe they were playing some game with each other but they certainly weren’t conversing with each other. So often at large gatherings in churches, work meetings, self help groups, people are asked to silence their cell phones so that there will not be a disturbance at what is going on.
And then so often even at these gatherings someone’s cell phone goes off and becomes a distraction for the whole gathering.
There are two basic principles in life that cause positive emotional and spiritual growth: 1) listening attentively to other people and sharing positively with other people and 2) learning how to be meaningfully quiet so we can have a positive and meaningful experience of God.
The biggest struggle in life is to rush through life without listening to others share their journey. The other big struggle is to rush through life without going deeper into our own feelings so we can heal and take time for prayer and meditation so we can experience God.
So much peace and wisdom come from sharing our inner self with others and listening to others share their inner self with us. And that wisdom just becomes so profound and deep when we reserve time to be quiet and learn how to experience God. I like to spend at least an hour a day in prayer and meditation and then another hour texting my daily reflection to other people. Both are so amazingly helpful to me.
We are all on a journey through life together. It is important to share that inner journey with others. But this inner journey should not consist of complaining or condemning other people. It is a journey to simply listen lovingly to other people and to share our inner self in a loving and positive manner.
It is so amazing when we can realize how simple and uplifting life can be when we show love and compassion and genuine interest in other people. And when we can take time each day to be reflectively quiet and lovingly communicative, our inner self of goodness is expressed and people who are with us discover an experience of goodness and love that comes out of heart, mind, and words.
Sometimes I wish that I would have realized this so many years ago. But it is never too late because life is always how we lovingly and reflectively live in this present moment.
When I take quiet time with God each morning, I find myself walking through the day in a gentle, loving, and reflective manner. When I minimize this quiet time, I then rush through the day and miss so much.
Love for others and quiet time with God slow me down and help me to experience goodness and see goodness everywhere. Positive communication and positive silence bring me into a profound connection with God and a profound connection with other people. I begin to realize the power and wisdom of the present moment of life. Wisdom is to remain loving and kind in each moment. When I do this, I help other people to be loving and kind as I greet them. I often walk with a cane because of my arthritis. It is amazing how many kind people open doors for me, greet me with kindness and compassion. It helps me realize the abundance of goodness there is in people. Whatever I can do to promote goodness brings more love and kindness into the world and helps others to tune in more abundantly to their own love and kindness.
Life is about experiencing the value of silence so I can experience God and the value of positive communication so I can feel the presence of God, love, and goodness throughout each present moment of every day. When I do this, I begin to realize that heaven begins in this very moment.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com.
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