Fred Cavaiani
Life may never go the way we want it to go. Politically there are always differences with people who see things differently than we do. The weather might be too cold or too hot. Tornados and hurricanes could easily fall upon us. People we love get sick and die. We can experience serious health problems. We will consistently experience struggles throughout our life. This is part of the journey through life. But none of these catastrophes need to block our happiness or peace. It is never what happens to us in life that is the problem. It is how we embrace what happens to us. The love and peace of God will always be with us to help us and uplift us into a peaceful plane of existence. The problem in life is not embracing the journey that brings us into a profound experience of God, whomever God might be for us.
To experience God in an uplifting and positive manner, I need to learn how to embrace quiet and silence. I also need to learn how to embrace consistent kindness and loving thoughts and actions toward everyone. This will bring me into an experience of a loving God. The more I embrace my pain, my struggles, my sorrow and my joy, the more I open my heart and mind to God. The paradox of life is to realize that each moment experienced and embraced will bring me into a state of peace and into a profound experience of God.
Each moment of life is meant to help us experience God, which will bring us into an experience of peace, no matter what might happen to us. This might sound pietistic or idealistic, but it really works if I simply choose to be reflectively quiet with God and kind and loving toward everyone. It is amazing how these two principles of quietness with God and love and kindness toward everyone bring us into such a positive experience of God.
What I am amazed and grateful about is that for years I have been writing about this in different ways in my articles and no one has ever said anything critical about my writing about spirituality. Maybe it is because we all realize that deep down psychology is quite connected to spirituality. The principle of “you can’t heal what you can’t feel” is so very accurate. The embrace of my feelings of hurt, joy, love, and sadness as all honest feelings opens me up to God. The embrace of negativity like anger and criticism is always a defense that blocks us from our real feelings of hurt, sadness, joy, and love. Anger is always a defense. So is criticism of others. Rushing through life blocks us from discovering the meaning of life. Being critical of another person is never helpful. When we take quiet time with God, we begin to realize this more. I have found this to be so very true.
Over the years I have seen many people embrace their pain and suffering and discovered such an internal peace in God in the midst of tears and pain. They discovered the meaning of the presence of God in the present moment. As I write this, I think of my loving wife who died from cancer nine months ago. Every time I think of her and embrace the loss of her, I have an experience of God. I believe it is because I am able to embrace her death as I embrace all the loving memories. In the midst of tears, I experience God.
The other day, I attended the funeral of a priest friend of mine who had suffered so much. The embrace of his suffering deepened his spirituality so profoundly. Right before the Funeral Mass, they played a video of his life with the song playing, “Love Changes Everything.” It brought tears to my eyes and inspired me so much as I thought about this holy priest’s life. The church was packed. Love does change everything when we are loving. We become changed into better people and the people who meet us become changed because our kindness and love brings God’s love to everyone. Love and prayerful reflection with God will always bring peace to our life in the midst of struggles, conflict around the world, and pain in our life. In God and love our souls become at rest. I feel blessed to know so many loving people. It brings me into an aura of gratitude for this sacred presence of God’s love. Today I heard a story of an American soldier in England who visited an orphanage at the end of World War II. Forty thousand people had been killed in England because of all the bombings. The soldier knelt down by this 5-year-old orphan boy and said: “What can I give to you”? The little boy looked up at this kind American soldier and said, “would you hold me?” We all want love and need love. It comes to us when we embrace our pain and when we embrace others.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan.
To experience God in an uplifting and positive manner, I need to learn how to embrace quiet and silence. I also need to learn how to embrace consistent kindness and loving thoughts and actions toward everyone. This will bring me into an experience of a loving God. The more I embrace my pain, my struggles, my sorrow and my joy, the more I open my heart and mind to God. The paradox of life is to realize that each moment experienced and embraced will bring me into a state of peace and into a profound experience of God.
Each moment of life is meant to help us experience God, which will bring us into an experience of peace, no matter what might happen to us. This might sound pietistic or idealistic, but it really works if I simply choose to be reflectively quiet with God and kind and loving toward everyone. It is amazing how these two principles of quietness with God and love and kindness toward everyone bring us into such a positive experience of God.
What I am amazed and grateful about is that for years I have been writing about this in different ways in my articles and no one has ever said anything critical about my writing about spirituality. Maybe it is because we all realize that deep down psychology is quite connected to spirituality. The principle of “you can’t heal what you can’t feel” is so very accurate. The embrace of my feelings of hurt, joy, love, and sadness as all honest feelings opens me up to God. The embrace of negativity like anger and criticism is always a defense that blocks us from our real feelings of hurt, sadness, joy, and love. Anger is always a defense. So is criticism of others. Rushing through life blocks us from discovering the meaning of life. Being critical of another person is never helpful. When we take quiet time with God, we begin to realize this more. I have found this to be so very true.
Over the years I have seen many people embrace their pain and suffering and discovered such an internal peace in God in the midst of tears and pain. They discovered the meaning of the presence of God in the present moment. As I write this, I think of my loving wife who died from cancer nine months ago. Every time I think of her and embrace the loss of her, I have an experience of God. I believe it is because I am able to embrace her death as I embrace all the loving memories. In the midst of tears, I experience God.
The other day, I attended the funeral of a priest friend of mine who had suffered so much. The embrace of his suffering deepened his spirituality so profoundly. Right before the Funeral Mass, they played a video of his life with the song playing, “Love Changes Everything.” It brought tears to my eyes and inspired me so much as I thought about this holy priest’s life. The church was packed. Love does change everything when we are loving. We become changed into better people and the people who meet us become changed because our kindness and love brings God’s love to everyone. Love and prayerful reflection with God will always bring peace to our life in the midst of struggles, conflict around the world, and pain in our life. In God and love our souls become at rest. I feel blessed to know so many loving people. It brings me into an aura of gratitude for this sacred presence of God’s love. Today I heard a story of an American soldier in England who visited an orphanage at the end of World War II. Forty thousand people had been killed in England because of all the bombings. The soldier knelt down by this 5-year-old orphan boy and said: “What can I give to you”? The little boy looked up at this kind American soldier and said, “would you hold me?” We all want love and need love. It comes to us when we embrace our pain and when we embrace others.
—————
Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan.
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