By Teresa Killeen
We all have multiple opportunities each day to either engage in a conflict, or to turn the moment of tension into an opportunity to collaborate. Recently, Judge Timothy Connors of the Washtenaw County Circuit Court and I were reviewing the space the courthouse is setting aside as a sanctum for the jade plant and Irish shamrock plant Judge Connors is dedicating to the space.
As we reviewed the space, and the Narcan display that currently occupies it, a young man approached us. He was angry and offended. He had been listening to us, and believed he heard Judge Connors say that the court should eliminate the Narcan display. In a belligerent tone, George W. told us how important the Narcan display was. Firstly, because George’s life had been saved a couple of weeks prior through the use of Narcan. Secondly, because the Narcan display is on the second floor, where Judge Carol Kuhnke holds Drug Court, and the participants in Drug Court are the people in the courthouse most likely to need Narcan. So, it’s proximity to the Drug Court is important. Having delivered his message, and the pain imbedded in it, George walked a short distance away.
After three invitations from Judge Connors to engage in a conversation, George finally walked back over. Initially, George was unwilling to engage in conversation. George insisted he had said his piece and didn’t want to talk to us. His contempt was evident, and he felt something vital to him had been disrespected. George’s attitude invited conflict.
As Judge Connors drew George back into a conversation, he began with an apology and gently asked George to explain to him what the Narcan display meant to him. George’s explanation included his mistaken belief that Judge Connors was suggesting the display be eliminated from the building, rather than the true discussion, which was whether the display could be moved a few feet. Once the misunderstanding was cleared up, Judge Connors saw the link between the life-saving value of the Narcan, and the intent in creating a sanctum, which is life-affirming. He invited George to collaborate with him on a joint display that could encompass both George’s passion for having the Narcan on the second floor in plain view, and Judge Connors’ desire to provide a space for reflection and renewal at the courthouse. Reflection and renewal is a befitting legacy for the judge who brought Peacekeeping to our courthouse.
George teared up as his anger subsided and he returned to a calm state of mind where he was able to tap into his creativity and make suggestions about how to craft a solution that satisfied the individual needs through a joint goal. With some discussion, they arrived at a plan, shook hands on it, and a tearful George walked away.
This interaction was packed with powerful lessons: the heat we can ignite over a misunderstanding. The tools that transform a loaded situation into an opportunity for deeper understanding and mutual respect. The value of a heartfelt apology. How to invite someone to participate in a solution. And, the healing value of walking in the other person’s shoes. George went from feeling marginalized to feeling that his perspective had been understood and incorporated into the solution he helped devise. His heart was much lighter. And Judge Connors felt that the sanctum he is creating has even more meaning because of the inclusion of the Narcan display and what it represents.
As we go through our day, we all encounter chaotic situations and moments of discord. The question to ask ourselves is: am I going to continue the chaos, or am I going to transform the chaos into calm? Chaos is an invitation to engage our creativity to find a way to lower the other person’s defenses. With lowered defenses, the other person can also engage their creativity to come up with a resolution that restores calm. It took several attempts with George before he was willing to lower his defenses, and Judge Connors kept offering pathways to calm until George heard one he found acceptable. With both of their creative minds engaged, a solution was reached that ended up giving the space even more meaning than the original intent. The moment took about 10 minutes; the lessons are now part of the permanent space.
You are all invited to visit the sanctum when it is established. It will be in the main lobby of the second floor of the courthouse. The Irish shamrock represents spiritual growth and renewal. The jade plant represents resilience. You are invited to take a small cutting from it if you wish to propagate your own jade or Irish shamrock plant.
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Teresa Killeen is the judicial attorney for Judge Julia B. Owdziej of the Washtenaw County Trial Court. She is a graduate of the University of Michigan Law School, and serves as the editor for the Washtenaw County Bar Association’s bimonthly legal publication. She can be reached at killeent@washtenaw.org or at 734-222-6921.
We all have multiple opportunities each day to either engage in a conflict, or to turn the moment of tension into an opportunity to collaborate. Recently, Judge Timothy Connors of the Washtenaw County Circuit Court and I were reviewing the space the courthouse is setting aside as a sanctum for the jade plant and Irish shamrock plant Judge Connors is dedicating to the space.
As we reviewed the space, and the Narcan display that currently occupies it, a young man approached us. He was angry and offended. He had been listening to us, and believed he heard Judge Connors say that the court should eliminate the Narcan display. In a belligerent tone, George W. told us how important the Narcan display was. Firstly, because George’s life had been saved a couple of weeks prior through the use of Narcan. Secondly, because the Narcan display is on the second floor, where Judge Carol Kuhnke holds Drug Court, and the participants in Drug Court are the people in the courthouse most likely to need Narcan. So, it’s proximity to the Drug Court is important. Having delivered his message, and the pain imbedded in it, George walked a short distance away.
After three invitations from Judge Connors to engage in a conversation, George finally walked back over. Initially, George was unwilling to engage in conversation. George insisted he had said his piece and didn’t want to talk to us. His contempt was evident, and he felt something vital to him had been disrespected. George’s attitude invited conflict.
As Judge Connors drew George back into a conversation, he began with an apology and gently asked George to explain to him what the Narcan display meant to him. George’s explanation included his mistaken belief that Judge Connors was suggesting the display be eliminated from the building, rather than the true discussion, which was whether the display could be moved a few feet. Once the misunderstanding was cleared up, Judge Connors saw the link between the life-saving value of the Narcan, and the intent in creating a sanctum, which is life-affirming. He invited George to collaborate with him on a joint display that could encompass both George’s passion for having the Narcan on the second floor in plain view, and Judge Connors’ desire to provide a space for reflection and renewal at the courthouse. Reflection and renewal is a befitting legacy for the judge who brought Peacekeeping to our courthouse.
George teared up as his anger subsided and he returned to a calm state of mind where he was able to tap into his creativity and make suggestions about how to craft a solution that satisfied the individual needs through a joint goal. With some discussion, they arrived at a plan, shook hands on it, and a tearful George walked away.
This interaction was packed with powerful lessons: the heat we can ignite over a misunderstanding. The tools that transform a loaded situation into an opportunity for deeper understanding and mutual respect. The value of a heartfelt apology. How to invite someone to participate in a solution. And, the healing value of walking in the other person’s shoes. George went from feeling marginalized to feeling that his perspective had been understood and incorporated into the solution he helped devise. His heart was much lighter. And Judge Connors felt that the sanctum he is creating has even more meaning because of the inclusion of the Narcan display and what it represents.
As we go through our day, we all encounter chaotic situations and moments of discord. The question to ask ourselves is: am I going to continue the chaos, or am I going to transform the chaos into calm? Chaos is an invitation to engage our creativity to find a way to lower the other person’s defenses. With lowered defenses, the other person can also engage their creativity to come up with a resolution that restores calm. It took several attempts with George before he was willing to lower his defenses, and Judge Connors kept offering pathways to calm until George heard one he found acceptable. With both of their creative minds engaged, a solution was reached that ended up giving the space even more meaning than the original intent. The moment took about 10 minutes; the lessons are now part of the permanent space.
You are all invited to visit the sanctum when it is established. It will be in the main lobby of the second floor of the courthouse. The Irish shamrock represents spiritual growth and renewal. The jade plant represents resilience. You are invited to take a small cutting from it if you wish to propagate your own jade or Irish shamrock plant.
————————
Teresa Killeen is the judicial attorney for Judge Julia B. Owdziej of the Washtenaw County Trial Court. She is a graduate of the University of Michigan Law School, and serves as the editor for the Washtenaw County Bar Association’s bimonthly legal publication. She can be reached at killeent@washtenaw.org or at 734-222-6921.
