Fred Cavaiani
Whenever I assassinate the character of another person, I diminish love. Life is meant to be lived in loving other people. Only love brings peace. Only love brings wisdom. Only love brings love. Every time I participate in character assassination of another person, I contribute to tension in the world. Even more serious, character assassination creates a tension and negativity within myself. Putting down other people with negative words and actions puts me in an emotional prison. I sentence myself to a solitary confinement of negativity. It diminishes the power of love in my life and consciously and unconsciously creates an atmosphere where other people will both disrespect me or not like me.
When other people join me in character assassination, we both end up disrespecting each other even though we may not consciously realize it. However, when I refrain from negative words and actions toward other people, I set up a positive energy where other people will want to be around me and may even listen attentively to what I have to say.
It is not good to diminish love by negative words or actions. It is good to activate love by kind and affirming words. Love becomes activated when I consciously make the
effort to look for goodness in other people. The more I engage in negativity and criticism with those who might think differently than I do politically, socially or spiritually, the more I contribute to making the world more tense and defensive.
I recall some very influential people in my life who consistently sent out positive and loving energy to everyone. They are both in their 90s now. Fr. Martin Pable OFM Cap, a priest/ psychologist who consistently radiated a loving and accepting presence to everyone. The other is Fr. Anthony Scannell OFM Cap, my speech professor for four years. His presence was always kind and loving. Whenever I think about them, I feel this internal sense of acceptance, love and peace. I may not remember any particular words they said, but I remember their presence in my life as always affirming and positive. There are many others in my formation, men and women that I could also mention in the same way. And my formation is never ended. We all find and meet people who positively influence us throughout our whole life.
We remember people who send out love and affirmation. It helps us to bring out a better version of ourselves. We also can remember those who have been critical and would assassinate our character and the character of others. People like this bring us pain. This pain can only be alleviated if I look deeper and realize that people like this are hurting inside with feelings of insecurity and inferiority and do not know how to embrace those feelings. When the wounds of life are not embraced, we can become negative and critical and diminish love in our lives.
The world doesn’t change for the better when I remain negative. People don’t change when I tell them how wrong or terrible they are. But people might look at things in a more positive manner when I show them by example how to look at life positively.
The more loving I become toward other people, the more I create an atmosphere for a positive change in my part of the world. It can be quite easy to fall into the habit of diminishing love by investing in negative words and actions. I think every person in the world will do this at times. Some more than others. But each of us can activate Love in the world by positive and loving words and actions. We can make the decision to invest in love and turn away from diminishing love by negative words and actions and thoughts.
As I write this, on September 5, I realize that today is the anniversary of the death of Mother Teresa. She spent her life bringing more love to the poor, downtrodden, and dying. The world looked at her with love and respect because her whole life was spent in service of others. Her life was spent in doing two things very well: helping the poor and living among the poor and taking time in the morning and evening for listening attentively to God in prayer and meditation. Reflection and service activate love in the world. Negativity and criticism of others diminish love in the world.
I want to be one of those who make the world a better place by activating and energizing more love in the world. The world doesn’t need me to say how terrible it is. The world needs me to be caring and loving in all my words and actions. My positive mentors throughout my life taught me by their example how to be loving, kind and spiritual.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com.
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