By Fred Cavaiani
I just signed up on Facebook with the help of my very tecno-savy wife. Though I still do not understand the intricacies of this newest form of communication I have always been curious about how it works. Over the past year I have been impressed by watching this new form of communication unfold. People who have not communicated or seen each other for years are now “talking” with each other. This has all begun since e-mail started and Facebook has brought this connection between people to a new level. A few months ago a grade school friend of mine sent me an e-mail with photos of our childhood and we started communicating. It was so impressive and inspiring and funny to see the old pictures. What wonderful memories they brought back.
If we focused on Facebook and the Internet connections we could say that the world is becoming closer and closer instead of farther apart. Connections are being remade on a deeper level. Relatives and old friends share more with each other than they did years ago. The depth and wisdom acquired by our senior citizens can now be expressed to their children and grandchildren and younger and older friends. People who have never had a place in the sun suddenly discover that they have something to say and someone listens to them.
The desire for emotional connection and communication has been with each of us since mankind has evolved. It is an eternal and emotional longing for connectivity. This stirs up in everyone a hunger for a life that will never end which will culminate in profound and peaceful connectivity and communion with something or someone beyond ourselves filled with eternal love and peace and joy. Some call this heaven. Others call this God. Still others describe this as nirvana.
Whatever name we give to this goal of eternal longing for connectivity it is present in all of us and keeps activating itself more powerfully as mankind evolves with new and more sophisticated means of communication. Facebook is another sophisticated means of communication just as the internet and e-mail was a few years ago. It brings minds and hearts together though they may be separated by many miles and continents and countries.
We thrive on emotional connectivity. It brings us love and acceptance. In emotional connection with someone else we find comfort and harmony. People love to communicate when they find comfort and harmony from someone else.
This is the attraction for e-mail and Facebook, Twitter, MySpace and whatever new form of internet communication may arise.
Yet this internet communication can also quickly turn into condemnations, judgments, biased and prejudiced statements, angry comments, and the incessant need to change other people’s opinions by attempts to convince others that my viewpoint is the truth. This is also part of human nature.
We forget that the more we communicate in a loving, listening, and harmonious manner we have a much better chance of making the world a better place.
Facebook and e-mail is much like life. We want to talk to someone and have someone listen to us. It starts out great. Yet it can disintegrate into arguments and disharmony if we use this type of communication to batter other people or chastise other people or state our ideas in ways that are offensive and insensitive to others. When we do this we lose sight of this inner longing for connectivity that is present in all of us.
The best commercials and the best television programs speak to the inner longing for emotional connectivity in each of us. They speak to humor which is also a part of human connectivity. They may speak to sadness and pain which is also part of connectivity. They can also speak to happiness and joy. But when commercials and programs speak to shock, condemnations and judgments just to get our attention they lose much of their audience.
It is the same principle in everyday life. When we stop listening and loving others in a dialogue of emotional connectivity we diminish ourselves and diminish our relationships.
The modern ways of fostering communication with relatives, old friends and new friends can teach us a valuable lesson about ourselves and about life. We want emotional closeness and connectivity. It is up to each of us to keep the hunger for connections positive and loving and appealing. We need to give to each other what we most desire for ourselves, emotional acceptance and connection.
Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at (248)362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his Web site is fredthecounselor.com.
