By Fred Cavaiani
I was a cheerleader for the Detroit Free Press Marathon this past Sunday, October 17. Our daughter ran the whole 26 mile course. I got up at 3:30 a.m. and drove her downtown at 4:30 a.m. Supposedly it was suggested that the runners get there by 5:30 a.m. Of course my wife, our eldest daughter and son all traveled down to the city to cheer on Michelle. Michelle’s husband, their two small girls and her mother-in-law were also there. We stationed ourselves at various places on the course to support her and be her cheerleaders. What an experience it was.
I had run the First eight Detroit Free Press Marathons. They all had been exciting and exhilarating. It was thrilling to know that my daughter was following in my footsteps and now her older sister and younger brother are seriously considering taking up running after observing her run this race. To see the whole family become cheerleaders was inspiring and impressive and very heartwarming.
Never before had I been a spectator at a marathon. Yes, I cheered on fellow runners after I had finished running but I had never been at the beginning of a marathon and stayed for five hours cheering on the runners. What a soul enriching experience. As I waited for my daughter at various mile markers, I started cheering on other runners. I would call out their number and say “Good job, 2344, Way to Go 321. You go, girl. You go, man.” I found that when I looked a runner straight in the eye, called out their number, they would look at me with gratitude and whisper or respond in a louder voice also with a grateful “thank you.” A smile would come over their faces and it appeared like they had new strength to keep running. I kept doing this throughout the race. I am sure some spectators thought, “What is this old man doing? He seems a bit eccentric.” Yet I do believe most thought, “ He has a unique way of encouraging all the runners and isn’t afraid to step out and do it.” As I kept doing this my eyes flooded with tears more than once. The more I encouraged the runners, the more gratefully they responded. It was a mutual giving and receiving. They gave me a gift of love by receiving my love and encouragement for them. It became a joyful dance that made me cry with joy.
Then when our daughter ran by at the 8 mile mark, 13 mile mark, and at the finish of the race, my heart flooded with joy as my face became covered with tears. “She did it!” She is a very courageous woman.
Thinking about this day I realized that thousands of runners did it. They went on a determined journey that could be very painful and lonely. My cheerleading helped a few of them stay on this journey.
Many probably had few people to cheer them on because even if everyone had a couple of people to support them, there are many lonely spots in a 26 mile race. I was able to fill in those lonely spots.
Running a marathon is much like living life. It can be very solitary much of the time. There can be a lot of pain. A person has to reach into the depths of their soul to continue. We all struggle. We all experience pain. And often we all can feel lonely in life. When someone comes along to cheer us or affirm us on our road through life we smile, feel encouraged and get a burst of courage and confidence to continue. When someone lets us know they appreciate what we are doing, it gives us a sense dignity and helps us to feel understood.
This experience of being a cheerleader for my daughter and many other runners opened my eyes to the importance of how each person in life needs a cheerleader in life. I will never forget for the rest of my life those grateful faces looking at me in gratitude for my affirming words. I more confident than ever before that affirming and cheering other people on through the Marathon of Life is most important.
We all need this. And we can all give this.
Become a cheerleader for other people. It will bring so many more cheers and love into your own life.
Oh, by the way, as I was standing on the 13th mile mark cheering our daughter and everyone else on, a man came up to me and asked my name. He said he was from the Detroit Free Press and liked my unique way of cheering. I think I will read that paper this week more carefully and see if my cheerleading style is mentioned. Whether it is mentioned or not, his remarks only confirmed for me what I had already experienced — Love is really what makes the world go on and what gives us strength and courage to continue the journey with hope and courage.
These thousands of runners gave me a tremendous gift today. What a joy to know that it first started with Michelle having the courage to run this marathon and our whole family having the determination to be her cheerleaders. Today, October 17, 2010, we have all been enriched. What we did was very simple. Yet it had profound effects. Marathon runners step out of their comfort zone to complete a journey. And we cheered them on. As we did this we stepped out of own comfort zone and we were all enriched. What a great experience. It can happen in every human encounter.
Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage and family therapist and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and Henry Ford Medical Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeastern Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at (248)362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com
