By Fred Cavaiani
Each of us has emotional pockets of feelings that have been buried inside of us. No one has had perfect experiences all throughout life. As children we often bury feelings inside of us because we felt we couldn’t express these feelings. We may have wonderful parents. We may have parents that had serious conflicts. We all have occasions where we felt it wasn’t safe to express our feelings. So we bury them. They still take up psychic energy which we use to keep them hidden from ourselves.
Each day of our lives we live and breathe and have daily experiences of joy and sorrow. Some of these daily experiences can set off these emotional pockets of feelings that need to be felt and experienced with empathy toward ourselves. Yet we will fight these feelings because that is what we learned how to do as children. It just didn’t appear safe to tell anyone what we were feeling back then.
Then we hear a song or watch a movie and find ourselves crying more intensely that expected. Something is trying to surface. Again we might have an experience that brings out some very happy feelings of gratitude about our lives that we never realized before. We need to embrace this also.
The joyful and sad feelings locked inside of us need to be experienced in order for each of us to lead a happy and joyful life. Life challenges us on a daily basis to experience these repressed feelings. When we also take quiet time for ourselves in reflection or meditation these feelings can be experienced.
Life, events and people are gifts to us to deepen our awareness of ourselves and become free from burying our feelings. The old statement “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free” is very accurate.
Listen and feel. The little boy or little girl inside of us needs to be nurtured and loved. We all have experiences that we need to grieve about. We also all need to affirm ourselves for the good things we have done in life.
When we do this we begin to accept the limitations of other people and the positive and negative effect they may have had on us. It is important to appreciate both and to feel both – the positive and the negative. It helps to lighten us on our journey through life.
We don’t have to search for this. We simply need to pay attention to what we feel and experience in the daily events of our lives. Life teaches us many things if we listen. God teaches us many things if we listen and feel. Our friends, spouses, children also teach us many things if we listen attentively.
This past weekend I led a Retreat for 92 men. It was inspiring to watch them open up to their feelings and allow burdens to drop from their shoulders. They listened and experienced. They laughed and cried. They left energized and refreshed. Many had emotional and spiritual breakthroughs which are what a retreat is all about. The courage these men had in setting time to make a retreat was a great inspiration to me. Their dedication to reflection, sharing and listening was deeply inspiring. I left the weekend with a renewed sense of the goodness of everyone and how important it is to allow this goodness and humility to surface.
These 92 men profoundly inspired me. It also renewed my confidence in the goodness of honesty and experiencing the wisdom within each of us in pain and in joy.
————————
Fred Cavaiani is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and Henry Ford Medical Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeastern Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at (248)362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com.
