COUNSELOR'S CORNER: Why worry?

By Fred Cavaiani Worry and anxiety are normal but unnecessary. My tension over worrying about a future outcome serves no useful purpose. My anxiety cannot control the future. My worry cannot change another person. My speculation about what will or will not happen in the future doesn't affect the outcome of what I would like to see happen. Lawyers who are waiting for the jury's decision on their trial understand clearly the futility of worrying. Yet it is still so easy to worry. A person who is waiting the result of a CT Scan to see if they have a medical condition will worry. It is normal to do this but it doesn't help how we are living life now. Think of the last time you worried about some outcome that would be happening to you or a family member. What did you feel? How did you live your life while you thought about the future outcome? My hunch is that you were not too happy while doing this and certainly not feeling very peaceful. When we become preoccupied with how the next moment will turn out, we use psychological and spiritual energy that is really needed to embrace and experience the present moment. There is always something we can find to worry about. Yet our worrying helps no one, especially ourselves. Every person has something they need to prepare for in the future. I have many workshops to present. There are many people I will be seeing in therapy during this week. My children and grandchildren will have things to face in their own lives that I could worry about but have no control over. What good does it do me or them if I am filled with anxiety or worry about the future outcomes? All of us face the same struggles about worry and anxiety. How do we stop worrying and start living more joyfully even when there are possible outcomes that we know will cause us sadness and pain? This is the persistent question in every person's life. What is the answer? I have discovered that there is no intellectual answer for this nagging question. But I have found an answer for me as I live in the now. It is what I pay attention to in the present moment of my life. When I become aware of my surroundings, nature, or another person, whatever my eyes see or my ears hear, I focus attentively on that for the moment or millisecond as it is happening. It is like a pause to experience the present moment. There is something powerful, energizing and divine about what I am seeing and hearing. Every part of creation is filled with goodness, positive energy, beauty and organization. None of this happens by chance. There must be a Power, a Presence beneath everything which is active in some manner. Some call this God, Allah, Divine Energy, Jesus, etc. Whatever the Name that is given, I am convinced that there is a Divine Presence all around us, within us, above us, and below us. This Divine Presence is always calling us into a deeper union with this Awesome Presence, Him or Her or whatever your Faith or experience calls this Presence. The secret of not worrying is to become totally aware of what is happening right now. When I do this I become much better prepared for the next moment. As I write this article, I am looking out into the forest watching a number of middle school kids romp through the woods. I focus on them, the woods, my wife sitting beside me, the beautiful screened in porch we are sitting in as we experience the beauty of everything around us. Then I return to my typing, energized, inspired and feeling peaceful. Everything I just heard and saw is imbued with the presence of God. It seems so clear to me. But it becomes foggy and distant every time I put my energy into worrying about the next moment. The world is filled with beauty and goodness. We just need to pause and look. ---------------- Fred Cavaiani is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and Henry Ford Medical Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeastern Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com. Published: Tue, Jul 23, 2013