By Fred Cavaiani
It is Father's Day as I write this article. I just had a great Father's Day with our two daughters and son, spouses and six grandchildren. My son's fiancé who had to return to Missouri a few days before also called to wish me a Happy Father's Day. The words, notes, drawings, and gifts expressed much care, compassion and appreciation. As I sit here reflecting on this wonderful day I feel very grateful for the positive and affirming words that were expressed with so much love. It helped me appreciate being a father and grandfather and gave me a new awareness that I have had a positive effect on my children and grandchildren.
On a day like this I remember those people in my life who have had a compassionate care and concern for me over the years. I think of teachers, mentors, priests, and wise friends who have always had my best interests at heart. I think of my own father who always treated everyone with care, compassion and friendliness.
Today in a world of tension and turmoil brought about by terror attacks and the craziness of people who act out their inner conflicts by killing other people, it can be easy to lose a sense of compassion and warmth. We can get caught up in fear and anger. We become defensive and critical. Warmth, compassion and understanding differences and the reason for differences become fleeting thoughts.
Politicians capitalize on our fears. Experiencing leaders who give us a positive "fatherly" or "motherly" compassionate attitude can be stifled and pushed beneath the surface of everyday life.
Our culture needs leaders who help us look deeper than our anger and fears. When terrorist attacks causes us so much pain like the horror of the Pulse Club in Orlando, Florida, we feel helpless and vulnerable. We want to punish severely and create networks and defenses to ensure that this will never happen again. These are all understandable reactions but they do not bring solutions.
The best solutions come from people who have a compassionate and wise attitude about problems and tragedies. Embracing our fears and our problems is the first step toward making wise decisions. A good father or mother or a good president doesn't start out drawing attention to himself or herself. They try to understand the problems and concerns of those in their care. They also try to understand the origin and reason for crazy and violent behaviors.
The first solution comes from first understanding the thinking and the attitudes of those who differ from you. So often our mind is convinced that our viewpoints are the only valid viewpoint and our conclusions are the only valid conclusions. When we stop listening with understanding and compassion we have only one solution and that is our solution which often does not have a foundation in reality.
The greatest leaders in the world have often been the humblest and most compassionate. Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr., Pope John XXIII, Ghandi, Pope Francis, Dag Hammarskjold. Republicans often talk wistfully about Ronald Reagan who seemed to treat everyone with respect in a friendly compassionate manner. Democrats wistfully talk about John F. Kennedy who did the same in his enthusiastic and idealistic manner. Both of these presidents seemed to have more concern about others than concern over how they were being liked or loved or how popular they were.
Great leaders in our country act like good fathers or good mothers. This means care, compassion and understanding and putting others needs first before their own sense of pride or popularity. A good father or mother isn't so concerned about how much admiration comes their way. They are concerned more about the emotional and physical well being of their children and how to best help them mature in a loving and compassionate manner.
I think good political, religious and social leaders should always be an example of compassion and concern for those they are leading and guiding. When they are not, tension, anger and frustration continues. When they are, compassion, peace and wisdom can pervade the culture, the religion the political movement and the social movement. Our culture needs a strong dose of compassion, love, peace, and wisdom.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage & family therapist and psychotherapist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and Henry Ford Medical Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeastern Michigan he is also on staff at Capuchin Retreat Center in Washington, MI. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com
Published: Tue, Jun 21, 2016
