By Fred Cavaiani
“If only life would go the way I think it should go. Why can’t people act the way I think they should act? I wish people believed the way I believe. Why can’t you see that the way I see things is the right way? I am right about my choice for President and you are wrong. Can’t you see this? What is wrong with you? I didn’t raise you this way. I am not perfect and you are not perfect but can’t you at least be a little better? If you had the same problems and sufferings I have you just might understand.”
The above statements are felt by everyone at times. We all suffer. We all become disappointed. Life often doesn’t go the way we want it to go. It can be very easy to invest our emotional and spiritual energy into bemoaning the state of politics. Sometimes when two or three people gather together the topic of conversation is often how bad and painful things are. It becomes easier to talk about the ‘ugliness’ of life and of other people than to speak about the goodness in life and the goodness in other people.
It can happen too often that our inner attitude can invest energy in criticizing and condemning others. Have you ever discovered yourself investing your thoughts in negativity toward life or toward another person? It is something we all do at times. This inner attitude and this critical expression of thoughts and feelings can seem so normal. It can almost become a part of normal living. But what are the results?
The results are inner tension, unnecessary anger and a desire to escape from frustration with eating the wrong foods, finding some quick fix through drugs or alcohol. Another result from unnecessary tension is having a body that can start having physical symptoms like headaches, stomach aches, and unexplained pain at various places in our body. When we invest in negativity we do not help ourselves lead a healthy life. Negativity blocks us from feeling grateful. It puts a stifling blanket on joy and optimism. It covers our viewpoint of seeking goodness with a darkness of pessimism which looks for the worst instead of looking for the best in life and in other people.
We have two weeks before Christmas. In these next two weeks we will be hearing many Christmas songs of joy and hope. We will continue buying gifts for others. We will anticipate gatherings of family and friends. In these next two weeks before Christmas or whatever celebration you may be having during the last week of the year, it is important to remain positive and hopeful. Life will still be disappointing at times. Things will not always go our way. This is the reality of life. Happiness and peace is never determined by what happens to us. It is determined by how we embrace and accept what is happening to us and around us.
I had a most enjoyable brunch this past Sunday with three good friends. They are three positive and loving friends. Their attitude about life is loving and positive regardless of what happens to them. Sitting in the lovely home of this loving couple and then seeing another good friend of ours there, I felt so grateful to be with such kind and caring people. Joy, courage and compassion seemed to emanate from these three wonderful people and my loving wife. Just being all together with the snow outside coming down quickly like a beautiful white blanket, gave me a sense of comfort and security. But this comfort and security really resulted from the positive and loving attitude of these four people. It made me reflect again on the importance of remaining positive and hopeful. It is hard to be negative when you are with grateful and positive people.
So in these next two weeks before Christmas I am going to work on remaining positive in my inner attitude and in my external behavior towards all. Nothing in life can stifle a positive inner attitude.
But how do I maintain an inner positive attitude? How do I remain positive and affirming both within my inner self and in my outer actions towards everyone? I used to think this was difficult. I now realize that it is not that difficult. I need to do two things every day: 1) take an abundance of quiet time in reflection and meditation. 2) Consistently realize that actions will follow the practice of an inner positive attitude.
A positive attitude will always result when I spend quiet time with the Source of all Positivity and Hope. That person is called God. I also need to realize that investment in negativity is the greatest waste of time in the world.
Two weeks left until Christmas. Make these two weeks reflective and positive. It will ensure a joyful and loving Christmas. It will make the last week of the year positive and hopeful. No disappointment can overcome a positive and prayerful attitude.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage & family therapist and psychotherapist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and Henry Ford Medical Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeastern Michigan he is also on staff at Capuchin Retreat Center in Washington, MI. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com.
