By Fred Cavaiani
Politics can be devastating in how one person treats another. Business can be the same. In the personal life of most people there can often be a few people that seem to be an enemy. These are the ones who can be abrasive, critical and difficult to like because they don't seem to exude many warm feelings toward us. Most difficulties between people result from an absence of seeing goodness in the other person. When we forget that there is something sacred about every person we can easily become devastatingly critical and condemning. I am always amazed at how human beings can become so entrenched in a negative attitude toward others who think differently. I am also amazed at the critical and judgmental statements we all can make towards other people without any absolute facts that our statements have an accurate basis. All of this is very much part of being human. Yet when we live this way we lose sight of the dignity and sacredness in other people.
Everyone is sacred. There is absolute goodness in everyone. Human beings are born with goodness inside of themselves. Babies are not born evil. There is a longing for love inside of everyone. Yet everyone is wounded. Our emotional wounds in love can cover over the sacredness inside each of us and the pure deep longings for love and permanence. This longing is really a longing to be loved and a longing to be happy forever being surrounded by love and goodness. We are born with these longings.
The longings inside of each of us can be stifled when we feel judged, condemned and ridiculed. These longings can be activated when we feel loved and affirmed. Most emotional wounds and most negative attitudes can be healed and overcome when a person feels respected and treated in a loving and sacred manner.
The biggest problem in all of our lives is the unconscious need to condemn and judge and live in fear. When we allow fear to control our lives it becomes easy to focus on weapons and destroying others with these weapons and with our hurting and critical words rather than on compassion, understanding and dialogue with those who see things differently than us.
One of the biggest problems in life is the universality of emotional response. If someone wearing a red jacket hurts me then every time I see someone in a red jacket I will feel fearful and defensive. It is normal but terribly inaccurate. If someone from another country hurts me that doesn't mean the whole country will hurt me. If someone from another family speaks against me, it doesn't mean their whole family will do that. Yet it becomes so easy to universalize my feelings when I am hurt or scared. This universality of negative emotion is the problem for most of the problems in the world. The other big problem is forgetting that there is goodness inside of everyone. I need to speak to this goodness inside of everyone.
When I start talking to others about what is most important in life for them personally and how do they see life, I begin to have a dialogue that can become meaningful and personal. One of the big problems between people and between leaders of nations is not knowing how each person sees and experiences the purpose of life. When another person talks to my heart and lovingly challenges me to stay in my heart, I can begin to discover the goodness and sacredness inside of myself.
Everyone wants happiness. Unconsciously everyone wants a relationship with a someone who is always caring and compassionate. It is a human desire. The problem is that this normal, natural, good and sacred desire can be stifled and blocked by the many judgmental attitudes we experience from other people and from many groups. There is no condemning God but only a loving God if there is any God at all. Religions often give people the attitude that God is like an abusive father whom we must appease and obey in order to be loved. This attitude keeps inducing fear and unconscious resentment in us. The same things happen when we treat one another with a lack of respect and compassion.
Life is always about love and compassion. It should never be about fear and anger and resentments. The happiest and most spiritual people are the most kind and loving people. They are also very reflective people who take time for quiet listening.
You are sacred and good inside. So is the person next to you. But if we don't treat everyone with a respectful and caring attitude and a realization that that there is sacred presence inside of them, we become the problem in maintaining tension, fear and confusion in the world. Be loving and caring. See the goodness in everyone. Bring love to everyone. We are all sacred. Let the love from you change the world. Make everyone a better person by treating everyone with respect and a loving and caring attitude. Help everyone to see and experience the goodness inside them.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage & family therapist and psychotherapist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and Henry Ford Medical Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeastern Michigan. He is also on staff at Capuchin Retreat Center in Washington, MI. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com.
Published: Tue, Jan 17, 2017
