In the past couple of weeks political negativity permeates television. Facts disappear. Personal attacks on opposing candidates become the "new normal." Objectivity and truth seem to disappear. It makes politics appear to be simply negative gossiping. Truth becomes elusive. The end justifies the means. Say anything to make the opposing candidate look bad. An investment in negativity becomes the way to get elected. I seldom hear about what is good and positive about a political candidate.
When negativity becomes a way of thinking and speaking, no one wins. To think negative and speak negatively, everyone loses. Every person in life wants to feel hopeful. We all seek to feel affirmed and loved. When we speak negatively, we make the world become dark and dreary. When we speak positively and treat others in a caring and affirming manner, we make the world more hopeful and more positive. The fallacy in politics is that it avoids this basic principle of life. Toddlers need warmth and affirmation to experience life in a positive manner. What we often forget is that all of us need warmth and affirmation throughout life. But to receive this, we need to be loving and affirming to others. This is a simple principle that is too often neglected and minimized.
It is not relaxing or uplifting to be around negative people. But if I am consistently kind and loving to negative people, their negative statements lose their strength. When I don't embrace negative statements, I lovingly disarm other people.
As the years pass by, I am beginning to realize the power of disarming other people by being kind and loving at all times. The real power of this is that it creates a freedom within myself that brings more internal peace. If politicians realized this, politics would become a vehicle for harmony within the world.
Negativity helps no one. Love and affirmation help everyone. The simple principles of a loving and peaceful life can be so often ignored or minimized. Yet each of us can positively make the world a better place by a constant decision to be loving, positive and affirming. No one has to believe the same way I do. No one has to belong to the same Faith denomination. No one has to agree with anything I say or do. No one has to accept my psychological and spiritual principles of life. But I must continue to be loving, positive and look for goodness in everyone. I will never change anyone in life by telling them how bad they are or how they must change. But I can help people change by helping others see the goodness in themselves and lovingly help them embrace their wounds in life. When a person ignores their own personal and emotional wounds, it becomes almost necessary to remain negative and critical. Negativity in thoughts and action and words create such a prison for myself and for other people. The more negative we are, the more we put misery into the world. The more positive and loving we are, the more we send positive energy into the world.
Negativity doesn't motivate people to become their better self. But love and affirmation helps everyone. Such a simple principle of life, but so easy to minimize it. I must never minimize the importance of being more loving and affirming toward everyone.
When each of our grandchildren are in my presence, they know they will be affirmed. I consciously do this because I want them to experience even more goodness in their life when they are in my presence. When I am with friends on my journey through life, I also look for the goodness in them and affirm them. When this happens, we both feel more positive.
What I have learned over the years is that whenever I point out what I think is a fault in someone else, it doesn't help them. It only gives them pain and whenever they see me, they will remember that pain. I want people to always feel loved and affirmed in my presence. I can look more honestly what my faults are when I first feel loved and affirmed. What a simple principle that can so often be overlooked.
Life is really very simple. Be loving and kind to everyone in thoughts, words and actions. This changes my inner selfishness into a loving selfless person who discovers the power of love. And each moment becomes a profound experience of love, God and freedom.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage & family therapist and limited licensed psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Michigan. Cavaiani is associate editor and contributing writer for Human Development Magazine. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is FredsCounselorsCorner.com.
