COUNSELOR'S CORNER: The peace of positive emotional investments

Anger, criticism, and condemnations of others weaken us. It is so easy to stay in negative thinking. Worry about what other people think about us hinders us from experiencing joy in the present moment. I have no control over how other people think about things or how other people think about me. But I do have control over how I can treat other people and how I can think about other people. I do not have to invest in negative thoughts that might pass through my mind. I can let them go and simply send positive love and energy to other people.

Over the years I have observed that when I become negative in thinking and speaking, peace eludes me. Positive emotional statements and positive emotional thinking give me a sense of internal freedom. It is such a simple concept. But it can be difficult to practice. When I consciously practice this, amazing emotional and spiritual feelings surface. I begin to realize that negativity produces unhappiness. I start experiencing the joy of being positive and loving in words and actions.

I like to watch the news each evening. It helps me see what is going on in the world. But the news so often reports the negative much more than the positive. And it is a fallacy to believe that the negative is more prevalent than the positive. The negative is just more emphasized because it captures our attention. If children are consistently told negative things, their emotional well being will be damaged. We are all damaged a bit by this, some more, some less.

When I consciously realize that my negative words can be damaging to someone else, I can decide to be loving toward someone else so I do not damage them in any manner. I have listened for over 50 years to the emotionally damaged feelings people have felt because of negative and critical words being expressed to them. I have also seen and heard the goodness of people because of the positive and loving words expressed to them.

Political parties seem to forget the power of positive and loving words. Imagine feeling the negativity of politicians throughout your whole life, from infancy until now. Where would that leave you? There is such loving power and strength in being positive and affirming. It opens us up to see and experience goodness everywhere. It can help us look first to what connects us with each other rather than first look at what alienates us from each other.

Have you ever been driving and suddenly a negative thought enters your mind. I was having breakfast with our oldest daughter the other day when I began to have negative thoughts toward the waitress because she didn’t’ seem that attentive to our needs. As soon as I stopped the negative thinking, I saw her in a positive light and I felt better and could enjoy the rest of this precious time with my loving daughter who has been teaching high school for 25 years.

Whenever I maintain negative thinking, I can miss all the positive energy and love that is around me.

Our fifteen-year-old granddaughter just celebrated her birthday last week. We have a celebration called a Quinceañera because her father, our loving son-in-law is originally from Mexico. So, our four granddaughters can speak Spanish and appreciate their heritage. This celebration is a joyous welcome into becoming a young woman.  The birthday girl wears a beautiful dress and she chooses a number of her friends to be “Damas” who all wear beautiful white dresses. This a reminder of the importance of having close friends throughout your life. We had a Mariachi band, joyous music and much laughter and conversation. I talked to the “Damas” and told them why they were chosen: so,they would be life long friends. Then I asked them to look at the table of older people where I was sitting. At this table we have all been friends for over fifty years and we all had been at each other’s weddings 45 to 50 years ago.  I felt so grateful to have such long-term friends who have always been there with love, compassion and consistent gatherings. Our compassion for each other has positively influenced our longevity in life. I am very convinced of that. I told the Damas that loving friendships are important to have throughout your whole life.

And loving friendships continue because we say loving and positive things to one another. It is what life is all about.

This celebration motivated me to continue this journey into investing in being emotionally positive and loving toward everyone in my presence. It opens my heart and my mind to a deeper experience of life and a deeper receptivity to God.

Life is meant to be lived in a simple and loving manner. I complicate life when I become critical and condemning and angry. This Quinceañera celebration was so simple and loving and everyone felt loved and connected.  I must make my life this way in each moment because when I am positive, affirming and loving, amazing Divine things happen.
 ————————
Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage & family therapist and limited licensed psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Michigan. Cavaiani is associate editor and contributing writer for Human Development Magazine. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is FredsCounselorsCorner.com.