One of the biggest struggles in life is how to deal with our emotional pain. So often it seems best to block the pain we feel and then hope it will go away. We use so many defenses t avoid feeling the pain we are experiencing. This only makes the pain worse because we are trying to block it or run from it.
Whatever pain we are experiencing, emotional or physical, must be experiencing so we can heal. It is so very true to understand the fundamental principle of good emotional health, “You can’t heal what you can’t feel.” The basic psychological and spiritual principle of life is to embrace our powerlessness and brokenness. When we are angry, we avoid the hurt inside of us that we need to heal. When we are afraid of feeling the pain inside of us and run from it, we will not go forward in life but remain miserably stagnant, angry and afraid. Everyone suffers loss and pain throughout out life. People close to us become sick and die. We might have to become a caretaker of a parent or child or spouse. Life can feel burdensome and painful. Then we start avoiding what we have to embrace. This avoidance blocks us from going forward emotionally because we are avoiding what we have to face and embrace. When this happens it becomes very difficult to embrace the present moment because anything that might seem painful in this moment gets avoided. We then run from what we need to experience and embrace.
Each of us will suffer emotional pain throughout our entire life. That is normal. But to avoid this pain will limit us severely in how to live with internal happiness and peace. The embrace of our pain leads us to internal peace and happiness and helps us to have a positive experience of God.
When a child is crying over something, a good parent kindly sits alongside the child to warmly help the child talk about what they are feeling. Very soon the child calms down and can talk at a deeper level because they feel the love and understand of a loving parent. When we humbly embrace our emotional and physical pain, we will experience the consoling presence of God who only wants to heal us and help us. The paradox of life is that pain well embraced brings us into a deeper level of experiencing God and deeper level of emotional healing. This is a fundamental psychological and spiritual principle of life that we can often minimize or ignore. Every moment of life is meant to be a positive experience of emotional and spiritual growth. But I need to embrace what I am feeling and take quiet to experience what is going on inside of me. If I am angry or criticizing, I am not going deep enough and I am avoiding a healthy way to live. Anger and criticism block us from feeling our powerlessness and ability to be loving and kind. It also blocks us from experiencing God in a positive and uplifting manner.
Life is quite simple but we make it very complicated by avoiding what we need to feel.
The peaceful wisdom of positive older people can be a gift to us. The peaceful compassion and kindness of wise people, young or old, is such a blessing to experience. I must always be ready to embrace my pain and joy. No matter what might happen to me, God will always be with me to help me embrace what I need to feel. I must never invest in anger or criticism of other people. I must always invest in embracing my pain and my joy. Life is meant to be one consistent investment of love which is where I will experience God and experience the wisdom of accepting what I need to feel so I can heal. It is so true: “You can’t heal what you can’t feel.” Each moment is meant to be a grateful and joyful experience of God because I am not running from what I need to feel.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage & family therapist and limited licensed psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Michigan. Cavaiani is associate editor and contributing writer for Human Development Magazine. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is FredsCounselorsCorner.com.
Whatever pain we are experiencing, emotional or physical, must be experiencing so we can heal. It is so very true to understand the fundamental principle of good emotional health, “You can’t heal what you can’t feel.” The basic psychological and spiritual principle of life is to embrace our powerlessness and brokenness. When we are angry, we avoid the hurt inside of us that we need to heal. When we are afraid of feeling the pain inside of us and run from it, we will not go forward in life but remain miserably stagnant, angry and afraid. Everyone suffers loss and pain throughout out life. People close to us become sick and die. We might have to become a caretaker of a parent or child or spouse. Life can feel burdensome and painful. Then we start avoiding what we have to embrace. This avoidance blocks us from going forward emotionally because we are avoiding what we have to face and embrace. When this happens it becomes very difficult to embrace the present moment because anything that might seem painful in this moment gets avoided. We then run from what we need to experience and embrace.
Each of us will suffer emotional pain throughout our entire life. That is normal. But to avoid this pain will limit us severely in how to live with internal happiness and peace. The embrace of our pain leads us to internal peace and happiness and helps us to have a positive experience of God.
When a child is crying over something, a good parent kindly sits alongside the child to warmly help the child talk about what they are feeling. Very soon the child calms down and can talk at a deeper level because they feel the love and understand of a loving parent. When we humbly embrace our emotional and physical pain, we will experience the consoling presence of God who only wants to heal us and help us. The paradox of life is that pain well embraced brings us into a deeper level of experiencing God and deeper level of emotional healing. This is a fundamental psychological and spiritual principle of life that we can often minimize or ignore. Every moment of life is meant to be a positive experience of emotional and spiritual growth. But I need to embrace what I am feeling and take quiet to experience what is going on inside of me. If I am angry or criticizing, I am not going deep enough and I am avoiding a healthy way to live. Anger and criticism block us from feeling our powerlessness and ability to be loving and kind. It also blocks us from experiencing God in a positive and uplifting manner.
Life is quite simple but we make it very complicated by avoiding what we need to feel.
The peaceful wisdom of positive older people can be a gift to us. The peaceful compassion and kindness of wise people, young or old, is such a blessing to experience. I must always be ready to embrace my pain and joy. No matter what might happen to me, God will always be with me to help me embrace what I need to feel. I must never invest in anger or criticism of other people. I must always invest in embracing my pain and my joy. Life is meant to be one consistent investment of love which is where I will experience God and experience the wisdom of accepting what I need to feel so I can heal. It is so true: “You can’t heal what you can’t feel.” Each moment is meant to be a grateful and joyful experience of God because I am not running from what I need to feel.
————————
Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage & family therapist and limited licensed psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Michigan. Cavaiani is associate editor and contributing writer for Human Development Magazine. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is FredsCounselorsCorner.com.
