By Fred Cavaiani
Everyone needs a hero. A hero is someone in our life that motivates and inspires us to do better. Hopefully this hero becomes a friend. Every person needs someone to be a source of inspiration. We need models, mentors, and gurus to give us a roadmap through life. We discover the roadmap of life by looking at the lives of those who have gone before us and by sharing our own lives with present heroes whom we meet in our ordinary lives.
A hero is someone who humbly inspires us by honestly admitting their own mistakes and limitations. A hero or mentor lives a reflective life. They spend time in meditation. A hero is someone who speaks with wisdom because their egos have not gotten in the way of listening and learning from others. Their knowledge of life comes from a deep conviction that listening and learning from others is most important. This type of hero or mentor lives life with a compassionate and respectful attitude towards everyone.
Over the years different churches, political organizations and social groups have enshrined 'heroes." Churches call them "saints." Other groups call them "examples or models." Some of these heroes have created movements that have positively influenced many people. Other have never become famous but have been cherished and loved deeply by everyone who has ever met them. Yet all have similar qualities: humility, a profound relationship with God, a compassionate and caring heart toward all, and a nonjudgmental attitude towards other people.
Each of us knows heroes. They inspire us to be better just by being in our presence. I have had many heroes in my life. Our biggest struggle is to make the effort to associate with these "heroes" on a consistent basis. If we do, we become challenged to look at our own lives on a deeper basis. We become better people.
Many 12 step programs have a term called "sponsors." These are people who are successful in living the principles of the 12 step program and will become mentors or "sponsors" to other members of the program, either a new member or even a seasoned member. It is very much like having an older professional mentor a young professional. Yet to be successful in any profession it is important to continually have a "mentor" or "hero" whom we regularly associate with. This could be some close friends, another professional, or a member of the same group, social organization or church. But the qualities in a good friend or mentor remain the same: a reflective, meditative, humble, honest, compassionate and nonjudgmental person. This type of person is consistently aware of bringing kindness and compassion to other people. Their preaching comes only through compassionate listening and a humble sharing of their own life.
The world is filled with many "Preachers of the Word" who become concerned about "saving our souls" instead of "caring about our hearts." People like this may be well intentioned but they forget the fundamental principle of life: people need to feel cared about before they will listen to what you have to say.
The other day our four year old granddaughter said to my wife who was trying to calm down our barking one year old Daisy dog: "Grandma, Daisy is just talking to you." What wisdom from a four year old. She knew that this little dog was just trying to communicate in her own puppy manner.
A good friend, mentor, or hero in our life tries to listen attentively to what we are trying to say regardless of how badly we might be saying it.
Who are the heroes in your life? Do you have friends who inspire you to be better just by being in their loving presence? If not, then find some. Associate with people who by their humility, compassion and kindness inspire you to be a better person. Find time to be with them.
Be a hero for others by your own humility, honesty and compassion. Listen to others attentively. Don't be concerned by the important things you have to say. Be concerned and attentive to what others have to say. Then the correct words will come to you at the right time about what you need to say.
Heroes are lovingly brief. Mentors speak in short and clear sentences. A healthy friend or sponsor or director humbly listens and then briefly speaks from their open and loving heart.
Reflect on the heroes in your life. Be like them and find some friends who will be a hero for you. You will become a hero for others. We all have the capacity to find heroes and we all have the capacity to be a hero.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage & family therapist and psychotherapist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and Henry Ford Medical Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeastern Michigan he is also on staff at Capuchin Retreat Center in Washington, MI. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com
Published: Tue, Jun 07, 2016
