May It Please the Palate: Lobster guacamole

Unless one has hit the Mega Millions jackpot, I had assumed it would be foolhardy to offer my guests lobster.

Until I saw those cheap tails, wagging at me from the grocer’s freezer.

Then I schemed a way to look like Thurston Howell without dipping into my IRA. (That’s reserved for when I go off the grid. Check with me in November.)

Yes, once in a while lobster is affordable. Usually it’s in the form of adolescent-sized tails in the freezer section of places like Meijer, Costco or the Oceanside Seafood truck (almost like buying from the mob – “Cash only! Hurry, I hear sirens!”).

In this case, I picked up two for $9.99 at Lucky’s and knew just what I was going to do with them.

The first was an experiment.

I cooked that sucker and chopped the meat, tossing it on top of my guacamole.

The result was elegant and excellent, especially accompanied by a margarita on the deck.

Having refined the concept, the second batch was for company.

Boy did I get a lot of “likes” that day. You can too: just follow these easy steps.

Lobster Guacamole with Bonus Instant Margaritas

First, the guacamole.

With lobster, I don’t want to fuss with the avocado too much. So I leave out things like onion and cilantro.

That’s because nobody in the history of the world ever said, “Ooh! This lobster is delicious with onion and cilantro!”

Simplify.

Boil one lobster tail until the shell is red and the meat white, 5-6 minutes.

Chill. (No, I don’t mean put on some Miles Davis and pour a glass of wine. I mean put the lobster in the fridge.)

Mash two ripe avocados with a fork, mix in juice of a small lime, one small minced jalapeno, a teaspoon or so of kosher salt, and a few dashes of Frank’s extra special Greek hot sauce.

Cut the shell on the belly of the lobster tail, separate the meat, and dice into modest chunks.

Strew happily over the rich green guacamole, and serve with good, thick chips like Ann Arbor Tortilla Factory.

Now for the world’s easiest (and very tasty) margaritas.

The source is long forgotten but this recipe is sheer brilliance.

Fill a blender with ice.

Add the frozen, undiluted contents of a 12 oz. can of Minute Maid limeade.

Fill the now-empty limeade can ¾ with tequila.

Blend until you like the texture.

I prefer my margaritas with salt, which means rim the glass with lime and turn it upside-down onto a plate of kosher salt.

Then fill the glass with the margarita and garnish with a lime wedge.

Float a touch of 100% agave tequila if you have it, but it’s not necessary.

So now you know the secret to facile popularity: serve a millionaire’s spread for less than $20.

People will like you, and want to be your friend.

Enjoy it while you can.

It lasts until the lobster, and tequila, run out.
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Nick Roumel is a principal with Nacht & Roumel, PC, a firm in Ann Arbor specializing in employment and civil right litigation. He also has many years of varied restaurant and catering experience, has taught Greek cooking classes, and writes a food/restaurant column for “Current” magazine in Ann Arbor. Follow him at @nickroumel.